My husband has been dealing with pornography addiction for quite some time. After the first time I caught him with this, he admitted everything to me. I kept my distance for a while, but we made it through it. I tried to understand his addiction to this monster. As a woman, I thought it was about me. Was there something wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Was I doing something wrong in our intimate life? I didn't understand. No matter how much he told me that it wasn't about me, it was just an addiction, a habit, a repetitive, lustful impulse; I still had the need to internalize it. Anyway, so we built our marriage back up, from the foundation. It was good. That's an understatement. Our marriage was better than before. But...he did it again. He confessed to me that he had slipped. I cried, I screamed, I tried to make him, no force him, to understand how it made me feel. It tears me apart. It breaks me down. It makes me doubt myself, everything about myself. It makes me hate that I love you so much. It makes me feel worthless. Like this habit is more important to you than I am. It makes me fear, not just for myself, but for my family. You see, we have a son. A wonderful son. So, I forgave him again...the second time. We built our marriage back up. From the foundation. But...he did it again. Now, you have to understand, these events are taking place with two years in between. Some people think that this makes it easier. It makes it worse for me. Just when I think its okay, and I'm perfectly happy, he hits me. With this. It takes everything out of me. I go to work and put on a happy face for all my students. I come home and put on a happy face for my son. I wait until he's asleep and I watch my husband go to sleep in another room. Then, and only then, I cry. I cry myself to sleep. And I pray! I pray and I pray. Nevertheless, I forgave him the third time, and two years later, present day, he has done it again. I put on a happy face, I act like nothing is wrong-for my son, and I watch my husband sleep in another room. I don't know what I'll do yet. But, I don't think I can forgive him again. I'm scared, and I'm lonely. Not to mention, after all this, eight years of this...I feel worthless. I am not enough! I keep telling myself that...I am not enough! I know that I am the daughter of a King, my savior. But, I don't feel that right now. And, what's worse, I feel like if I can't do this anymore, and I don't think I can, that is will be my fault, because it will be my decision to end this marriage. I've always wanted to grow old with my husband. One man for my entire life. But now...now I can't trust him. I get queasy just looking at him. I was betrayed in the worst way. And, I cry every time I think of our son. His future. He is only eight years old. And, we have been married for eight years. I have dealt with this for the entire marriage. I don't want to anymore, and for that I feel selfish.