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| Moderated by: truthseeker, bil4913 | Page:   ... 6 7 8 9 10 11 |
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| Staying clean | Rate Topic |
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| Posted: Fri Apr 10th, 2009 01:59 pm |
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201st Post |
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john Administrator
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Understood. So if you have turned away from the sin, what is it that keeps turning you back to it? I'm not trying to dog you at all. I sincerely believe it would be worth digging into the depth of your repentance up to this point. How can you walk in repentance? In what ways may you have fallen into the trap of viewing repentance as an event rather than a process that you must walk out?
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| Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 01:13 am |
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202nd Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Today I fell again. With both masturbation and porn. I feel unusually ashamed about this time for some reason. I just want out, with all my heart I want out. I'm sick of this seemingly never-ending cycle or porn and masturbation. God help me to get out! Thanks for all the prayers. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 01:17 am |
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203rd Post |
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john Administrator
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What lengths are you willing to go to in order to get free?
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| Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 02:02 am |
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204th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Right now, any length. It seems like I want to be free more than ever and I'm acting out more than ever. I masturbated after I wrote my last entry, bad I know. Which led to cutting myself again. I just feel like I'm at the bottom of the pit again. For some strange reason I feel a supernatural strength and mercy right now though.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 11:26 am |
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205th Post |
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john Administrator
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Any lengths my brother, that is exactly the right answer! Are you willing to go to your parents and tell them that you need help? At this stage in your life (as a teenager), they are going to be your most solid source for real-world help. Let's not kid each other, this forum can only go so far. You need help in the flesh, not from a computer screen. Tell me about what it would look like for you to go to your parents, humbly admit that you are out of control, and ask them to help you find a program to get in to.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 04:53 pm |
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206th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I don't know, I told my parents about my struggle with masturbation and porn a couple of weeks ago, and they managed to get a few words of encouagement and wisdom out after many differant awkward silences. I know that they just want to pretend that everything is okay, and that I'll work it out with God on my own, which is understandable, all parents want to think the best of their kids. But I know that if I asked them to help me they would just tell me to seek after God for help, not them. I also plan to start a program with my friend in a week or two, which by parents are aware of, and I think they support it. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Sun Apr 12th, 2009 01:21 am |
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207th Post |
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john Administrator
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Did you expressly tell your parents that you need help, or just tell them that you struggle? I don't want to minimize the conversation that you have had with them at all. That was huge. But, it isn't the same as asking for help. Remember man, you are responsible to seek out the help you need. Nobody else can do it for you. How likely is it that you would talk to your parents about this again? Additionally, I think you said you didn't share about your cutting with them. What would it take for you to talk to them about that as well? Last edited on Sun Apr 12th, 2009 01:22 am by john |
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| Posted: Sun Apr 12th, 2009 02:52 am |
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208th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I don't want to tell my parents about the cutting, I don't think that they would understand it. I guess I'm just scared that they're going to say that I'm demonized or they'll think it's worse than it really is, and I think that they're reaction could only make things worse. Or maybe I'm just scared. I didn't tell them I need help specifically. We haven't spoken a word about it since I told them. But I don't know...right now I'm just trying to seek after God for His love.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 12th, 2009 04:08 am |
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209th Post |
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truthseeker Administrator 
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Hi LS, Are you viewing material online, or in print? If in print, I trust that you have destroyed it. If online, do your parents not use parental controls? Have you managed to bypass them? Do you have internet access in privacy, instead of only in a public room of the home? What can you do with anyitems you have used to cut so you no longer have access to them? Yes, the sources of your pain need to be found and healed, but there could well be means of breaking access to the most immediate sources of acting out. Praying for you... TruthSeeker
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| Posted: Sun Apr 12th, 2009 04:12 am |
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210th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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No, we don't really have filters for porn. I do however have an accountability software setup with my accountability friend so that takes care of the computer problem. I haven't looked at porn on my computer since we set that up. My problem lately has been with my iphone. I need to do something about it I know. I fell again tonight with everything. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Sun Apr 12th, 2009 01:21 pm |
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211th Post |
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john Administrator
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LS4G, I know you are afraid your parents might think that it's worse than it really is. I understand that fear. If I may say so, I am afraid that you are not taking your cutting behavior seriously enough; not seriously enough to risk humiliation, possibly relational pain and inconvenience, and not seriously enough to get some real help. "Me and God" isn't the way it is supposed to be. That just isn't biblical Christianity.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 13th, 2009 02:07 am |
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212th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Part of me would love to tell my parents how bad the struggle really is. Then they would know, and it wouldn't be a secret anymore. But I'm just scared that if I tell them they'll just brush it aside, maybe say a quick audible prayer for me and tell me that I need to seek after God for help, not anyone else. I'm pretty sure that would be they're response, and that response would only make things worse for me I think. I know that God is the only one who can heal me, but like you said, I NEED other people as well. My parents aren't very dependabt on other people, I think because of past hurts, but they're pretty anti-social you could say. I've heard many stories when people come to them with problems and they just tell them to "seek after God for help, not them." i'm trying my best to let those around me know that I need help, serious help. I've been trying to get ahold of my accountability friend, but he hasn't answered his phone. I'm hoping that we can meet again soon, that would be helpful. I don't know, maybe I'm just scared to tell my parents about the extent I the struggle, what if they over react, or what if they have practically no reaction, like last time I told them. I was thinking of it today, that they never even addressed the porn when I told then about that struggle, they didn't even act like they noticed what I said, but I know they heard me. The only thing they addressed was the masturbation, which they said wasn't a sin, and could be okay, depending on your heart's motives. This is probably true, but honestly, who thinks about trees when masturbating? I don't know anyone who can masturbate without lust. I jus don't want to furthe hurt myself by telling them more about the struggle. It already hurt the last time. Sure I'm glad that they know and it's out in the open, but I just wish they were more concerned about it I guess. It seems like they're trying to pretend the conversation never even happened, probably due to how awkward it was, they seemed very uncomfortable when we were talking. My dad's mouth was visibly dry as he was talking, and he could hardly even swallow. I know that it could probably be overwhelming to hear that your son struggles with porn, but I think that also why it was so awkward was because it's foreign for us as a family to talk about anything remotly personal. Anyway, sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining about my parents, they are great parents. I just wish all of this could go away. But I'm willing to fight to get to the end of this. I'm sick of being complacent. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Mon Apr 13th, 2009 08:48 am |
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213th Post |
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TM2 Member
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Are there people to whom you could talk who might take your situation seriously - a counselor at school, a pastor, another relative? Somebody who could help your parents through the idea that help from other humans is important? Tim M.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 13th, 2009 11:12 am |
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214th Post |
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john Administrator
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I am sure that if you put on a pair of shorts and exposed you thighs to your parents that they would take it seriously...
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| Posted: Mon Apr 13th, 2009 03:54 pm |
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215th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I could tell my youth pastor, which I think would be helpful. I'm contemplating doing that, I just need the bravery. Right now I think I'm too scared to tell my parents about the cutting, it just seems risky. I know that it would help, and that telling them about the porn and masturbation was risky, but it helped. I know it would help enourmously, but right now im too scared to tell them. But I was too scaredto tell them about the porn and masturbation for the longest time, but within a day God gave me the courage and grace to tell them, so I did it, so who knows? -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Wed Apr 15th, 2009 12:05 pm |
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216th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I'm feeling a lot better. I've managed to resist the temptation of masturbating or looking at porn for a couple of days. I think today will be day three. I just want to let this go for good. I hate how it can so easily change my character to feeling cocky, angry, selfish, irritable and less caring. I want my life back.....I want me back. I'm already seeing the reward and healing God has done, even in these past two days. It hasn't been long, but it's been pretty good so far. I might see my friend today, so I plan to speak with him. As for telling my parents about everything....I still don't feel like I have enough courage. I do feel like I have a little more at least though. I'm praying that if God wants me to than He'll give me the strength and courage to do so. Thanks for all the prayers, keep 'em coming. I try my best to pray for everyone here as often as I can remember. Sincerely -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Fri Apr 17th, 2009 12:36 pm |
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217th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I've managed to stay clean from the porn and cutting, but I masturbated yesterday. I'm trying my best not to feel ashamed ir condemned, just to stand back up and keep pressing forward. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Wed Jun 3rd, 2009 01:22 pm |
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218th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Hey everyone, sorry it's been soooo long. I've been doing pretty good lately, by that I don't mean clean lately. I can't remeber the last time I went over a week without this stuff. But God has really convicted me the past few days and shown me who I really am and more of Who He really is. I'm doing better. I haven't cut in a few weeks now, thank God. But the porn and masturbation I'm only a couple of days free from, but there's always somewhere ya gotta start, why not be right now right here.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 3rd, 2009 02:07 pm |
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219th Post |
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truthseeker Administrator
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Hi LSFG, It's so good to hear from you! I have been concerned and praying for you over these last few weeks. TruthSeeker
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| Posted: Thu Jun 25th, 2009 04:58 am |
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220th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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God has been dealing with my heart and bringing many things to the surface lately. I am done with these addictions, as I've said probably thousands of times. But this time I really want to stay free. I'm tired of letting it control my life. I've recently been learning and discovering my true worth to God and how He sees me. I'm more than just an object. I'm God's favorite one (so are you). I've just been praying for some other peaople to come into my life in whom I can be accountable with and real with and who can help me out and take me under their wing for a little bit. Thanks for all the prayers they are much needed. God bless! Never giving up: -LoveSick4God
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