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| Staying clean | Rate Topic |
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| Posted: Sun Mar 8th, 2009 11:41 am |
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121st Post |
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john Administrator
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"I shed my blood for you to take away your pain, so why are you trying to do it yourslef" That is a powerful statement. It shows me how we can be driven by our compulsions beyond all reason. If I may ask, what are the risks if your family finds out? I don't know your situation, so I'm not sure if you are speaking about your parents, or if you are married and you are talking about your wife! Rest in the Lord today my friend! John
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| Posted: Sun Mar 8th, 2009 12:43 pm |
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122nd Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I'm speaking of my parents. I'm 15 years old. Because if they find out I know how they respond to things like that. They'll end up thinking that I'm totally demonized or something, and that's not to say that demons weren't influencing me, but when they find out something wrong with me they're usually quick to correct me and tell me what it is that I'm doing wrong and when I do something right or something that they're proud of, they usually don tell me. And I'm just afraid that their response will only further hurt me rather than help me. I want to get it out in the open with my friends though, I'm sure that they would understand. Thanks for all the accountability, I appreciate it. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Sun Mar 8th, 2009 12:52 pm |
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123rd Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Day 1: I'm not going to say that it was easy today. I had a lot of temptations and ended up cutting myself (NOT GOOD) and it was hard to keep my mind under control at certain points. But it was a day of repentance and giving my sin to God and taking it to the cross, I'm prayin that today will be easier, but I don't plan to give up if it gets hard. Last night it was hard to sleep because I was being tormented by noises in the room next to me. I could hear movement constantly and I knew that no one was possibly in the room. Forgive my graphic details but it sounded like someone having sex in the room next to me, which was disturbing, because again, I knew that no one was in the room. I was sure that this was the devil trying to torment me just because I had given him some kind of right to by cutting myself. So I prayed and took authority over it and then it stopped and I went to sleep. It was kind of scary, but i've had a few supernatural experiances in my life (angelic and demonic) so I was kind of used to it in a sense. I feel better today, I'm going to try my best to give God all control and to worship him and surrendor completely. God is good and I don't want to walk in sin any longer, I want OUT! And am getting out by Gods' strength! Thanks for everything -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Sun Mar 8th, 2009 01:13 pm |
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124th Post |
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john Administrator
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May I recommend you check out http://www.teensagainstporn.com ? It is a ministry with a very active forum devoted just to teens like yourself. I think it would be really helpful to get some encouragement from other teens like yourself. Let me know what you think! Teens Against Pornography is one of the websites from the ministry that I am affiliated with, Pure Community Ministries ( http://www.purecommunity.org ). Blessings dude! John Last edited on Sun Mar 8th, 2009 01:14 pm by john |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 9th, 2009 12:56 am |
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125th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Day 2: Today was much easier I have to say, I was occupied and at church most of the day, which majorly helped. Thanks for the website, John, I appreciate it. I told my friend today about the cutting. He was very understanding and prayed for me and encouraged me and said to call him if I ever needed to talk. I haven't told him about the other struggles, which I hadn't planned to, I want to have more time on our hands when we talk about that stuff. God seriously convicted me deeply today at church. I cried during worship and he visited me. Before worship I felt very heavy and like something was almsot controling me from the inside. Even the noise was disorienting and I felt like everyhing was one big blur, but during worship God delivered me from whatever was manifesting itself. Thank GOD!!! This has been the strangest two weeks of my life, I know that God is stretching me and that I am growing in him at a fast rate. Thanks for the prayer, I've gotten a lot more motivation today and I will continue to pray for everyone here at BG. Thanks. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Mon Mar 9th, 2009 01:00 am |
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126th Post |
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john Administrator
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I am really glad to hear that you are feeling better today. Do you find it harder on the weekends when you aren't in your regular routine of school and such? I usually struggle more on the weekends when I have more free time.
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| Posted: Mon Mar 9th, 2009 04:13 am |
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127th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Yeah I'd say it was harder on the weekends. Sundays are usually pretty good though because I spend a lot of time at church which I love. But Saturdays have been harder. Keeping motivated has been kind of hard for me sometimes. Maybe I get too focuse on looking into the future and not keeping my focus on NOW. Yeah, I definatly want to start running again, daily of possible. It has helped a great deal. And worshipping is oh so necesary.
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| Posted: Mon Mar 9th, 2009 04:30 am |
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128th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Bradley, I actually did pray for God to send me someone a couple of years ago and he did. I told my friend this morning after church about my problem with cutting, and he was a great help. The reason I have cut myself is because, basically, I feel worthless sometimes and when I spend time with my family I feel like they don't notice or appreciate me, which is why I don't like to be around them sometimes. And kind of just punishing myself in some way for wanting to masturbate. These are not good excuses I know, no excuses are good enough to put ourselves through self-infliction. I've stopped the cutting as well as the sexual addictions. It's just still tempting to cut myself daily, and I DON'T want to fall back into it. Thank you, Bradley and everyone here for your support on that subject, it helped bring things into the light and it helped me to understand that, first of all, it is a problem and needs to be dealt with. I was going to cut myself even more than I already had last night, when I decided to come on here instead and reading someones comment on here caused me to no longer want to cut, so THANKS everyone, it means a lot to me. -LoveSick4Gos Last edited on Mon Mar 9th, 2009 04:31 am by LoveSick4God |
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| Posted: Tue Mar 10th, 2009 03:23 am |
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129th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Day 3: Today was a good day. I feel like I'm finally getting back on my feet. I drew closer to God and experianced more of His awesome love. I told my friend that we still need to talk sometime after I shared with him about the other problem I was having. So hopefully we'll talk soon. Thanks for everything everyone. I haven't had any temptations really today, except I'm continually tempted with the cutting, so please cotinue to hold me in prayer on that situation, I don't want to give in to that again. God is good is the bottom line and He loves no matter what our conditions are or how bad they may seem. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Tue Mar 10th, 2009 12:44 pm |
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130th Post |
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john Administrator
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I haven't had any temptations really today, except I'm continually tempted with the cutting Have you any insight into what is behind your desire to harm yourself?
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| Posted: Tue Mar 10th, 2009 02:13 pm |
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131st Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I would say it's from doubting my true worth, thinking that I'm meaningless or hopeless. Sometimes it's hard to get through the day, and cutting myself supposedly releases the pain and stress. And of course, just like all other sins, it's only temporary relief, then just more pain.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 10th, 2009 10:03 pm |
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132nd Post |
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Bradley Member 
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I might be wrong, but I think endorphins are released when someone feels pain. Maybe you like the 'high' cutting gives you? Honestly dude don't think your are hopeless/meaningless/whatever, God has a plan for you and you need to just put your trust in him. Yes times might be hard right now, but the struggles you face today will only make you stronger in the long run. I might be wrong, but feeling hopeless and meaningless is just a sign of someone being suicidal.
____________________ 'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --' Ephesians 2:8 'For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.' James 1:3 |
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| Posted: Tue Mar 10th, 2009 11:03 pm |
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133rd Post |
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john Administrator
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Good point about endorphins, Bradley. I have also read that cutting is about control. Some people engage in cutting when they feel like they don't control any aspect of their lives or that they are being controlled by someone else. Inflicting pain is a way that they can feel in control of themselves. I'm not sure if that fits with you, lovesick, just sharing something I've read about cutting somewhere.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 10th, 2009 11:47 pm |
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134th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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Well, I've always been the youngest of my family, and sometimes it feels as if I have to submit to what everyone else is doing and follow along rather than to do what I really want to do. So I think you're point of cutting for control is very relevant. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. The problem with it is that I have never really felt like cutting is a sin. I KNOW it's a sin, it's obvious, but it's like I don't have the conviction in my heart that it's a sin. I want convictance about it, that's what makes it a lot easier to fight off temptations. Thanks, Bradley, for the encouragement. I don't have suicidal thoughts and I've never tried to kill myself. I think I do just cut for the high or something. But I agree that it could lead to suicide eventually if not dealt with properly, as many sins, so that's why I want it OUT of my life. -LoveSick4God
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| Posted: Wed Mar 11th, 2009 12:01 am |
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135th Post |
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Bradley Member
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Yeah I have heard that as well, there was a episode of Degrassi (teen drama) that dealt with cutting and the girl did it because everything seemed to be going wrong with her life and her mom was a alcoholic. Yep it's endorphins, I just did a search any endorphins are released during orgasm. Endorphins reduce the sensation of pain and affect emotions (make you feel happy and relaxed). Which gives you a better high cutting or masturbation? Last edited on Wed Mar 11th, 2009 12:03 am by Bradley ____________________ 'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --' Ephesians 2:8 'For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.' James 1:3 |
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| Posted: Wed Mar 11th, 2009 12:07 am |
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136th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I would definatly say masturbation gives a greater high. And, it doesn't have the pain involved with cutting. I just wish I never would have cut myself, and I'm praying for God to restore me. I used to hate to even think about what it would be like to do such a thing, it would turn my stomach, and now...it seems okay, and I don't like that fact.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 11th, 2009 12:29 am |
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137th Post |
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Bradley Member
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You think it's OK because you never got caught with the cuts. You said it yourself you cut yourself on your legs, you are trying to do it in spots where people won't notice it. I am not a expert, but when I was cutting I did it on my arms, chest and inner legs. In some ways I was hoping people would see it and would help me and make me normal again. Next time you get to talk to your friend tell him everything, and show him your cuts (if they are not in private places like your thighs or something), show your friend you are serious. Now I am not saying cut yourself if your wounds are already healed, no don't do that. I bet if you were to talk to a counselor about cutting and get all of the stress that you are dealing with off of your chest your battle with masturbation would get easier. I think that both masturbation and cutting are caused by stress. All I can really say is find something that can keep you occupied for awhile, usually when I get bored and have nothing to do that's when I give in. I chose gaming as my hobby, it keeps you busy and since I am actually pretty good it's fun so I play videos games a lot to keep me occupied and keep my mind from wandering. I tried doing poker (that's what I have been doing the last week and a half or so) and last night I lost over $10,000 (online money of course) and since than I haven't been able to play i am just so upset with loosing that money and I want it back really bad.
____________________ 'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --' Ephesians 2:8 'For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.' James 1:3 |
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| Posted: Wed Mar 11th, 2009 12:52 am |
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138th Post |
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LoveSick4God Member
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I don't know that I could show my friend the cuts...they're kind of high up on my upper, inner leg. I don't know......some days it seems hard to keep on fighting because you lose motivation or something. Today was pretty good, I just wish the temptatoins of cutting would some how go away. Thanks for all your advice and encouragement, it means a lot to me.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 11th, 2009 01:47 am |
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139th Post |
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truthseeker Administrator 
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Hi LSFG, I realize that this passage is speaking specifically to sexual sin, but surely God's heart is enormously grieved when one of His children, created in His image, bought with His Son's lifeblood harms even his external flesh. "18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." Praying for you... TruthSeeker
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| Posted: Wed Mar 11th, 2009 12:01 pm |
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140th Post |
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truthseeker Administrator
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Hi LSFG, Don't forget to balance the passage above with 1 John 1:9, that God is faithful and just to forgive and cleanse. He loves you with a love more powerful than any of us can grasp, and not just when we are walking within His will. When you are tempted to inflict your internal pain on yourself externally, please try to pour that pain outward to God who truly is there to carry you in this dark valley, desiring to be the balm to your wounds. As much as we may want to turn only to God for comfort and strength, please remember that he gives us human resources to assist us. Does your school have any confidential counselling of which you could make use? Many schools do these days. Also, phone books usually have easy to find crisis hotline numbers. Please do not be afraid to reach out for support. Continuing to pray... TruthSeeker
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