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Change
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Posted: Fri Jul 17th, 2009 11:51 am |
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I need to make a resolution to stop yearning for lust and stop my lustful thoughts
It really affects your lifestyle when you engage in such acts, it dampens your confidence and that guilty feeling always sinks in.
I would like to rid myself of this digusting addiction
Being accountable will provide myself with further motivation and that extra to re - consider before you make that stupid decision
Thanks for having this forum around 
Been 2 days now
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TM2
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Posted: Fri Jul 17th, 2009 01:53 pm |
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Welcome, Change!
You're certainly right that there is a cycle of acting out, feeling shame and despair, and then acting out again in rder to hide from the shame and despair. It feeds on itself.
You talk about wanting to rid yourself of the addiction. We've all been there, but a common experience of addicts of all sorts is that we need help in order to find freedom. Addiction is a disease of isolation, and one can't rid onself of isolation alone. Are you open to seeking support from others - support groups with fellow addicts, professional counselors, etc.? Lots of addicts need that stuff - I certainly do - and taking up powerful tools for recovery can give birth to powerful new hope.
Tim M.
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Change
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Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2009 02:43 am |
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What are the tools avaliable?
Just follow up and keeping track of progress I guess, being accountable to people
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TM2
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Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2009 03:21 am |
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For me the primary tools are 12-step support, professional counseling, and openness with the people around me, especially with my wife. Things like prayer and meditation and journaling and working with other addicts grow out of those central ideas. The goal is to go deep and to transform one's way of being, not just to hold out against temptation, which for me is only possible as part of a larger framework of transformation.
You talk about accountability as a big piece of what you're doing. To whom in your offline life (or, I suppose, online life) are you personally accountable, and how?
Tim M.
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Change
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Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2009 01:36 pm |
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 I haven't been accountable to anyone yet
It's just people here, I'm starting the whole accountable thing.
Trying accountability as a step in the right direction
Starting here annoymous, I'm quite a private person  but I have to instill some sense of accountability
And I'm trying it here where the people are supportive and can relate to what you're going through
"The goal is to go deep and to transform one's way of being, not just to hold out against temptation
That is very true, just doing for the sake of doing it is not really a true transformation"
However it is still good in the sense that it instills that level of discipline and self control
Something that I feel I'm lacking in these areas
To me if I can't control myself in this area, how am I going to control myself in other areas
That is why this is a fundemental aspect of my life that I need to change
So how would you go about describing true transformation?
Just saw a movie, and it is so hard some times when the actress is quite visually appealing
It takes real self control not to google the movie up and to google image the actress's name
That's why I came straight here, because it channeled my thoughts else where and gave me time to think is it really worth it?
Discipline and self control.
Well its been 3 days now, working on it.
Really appreciate your prompt responses and helpful feedback
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TM2
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Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2009 06:28 pm |
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We're all private people. It's part of the disease. If private people got to keep hiding, then 12-step groups for sex addicts wouldn't exist. Those groups do exist, though, and they can bring a lot of hope to those who need it.
I spent lots of years, 30 at least, actively trying to attain discipline and self-control. Now, I think self-control is mostly a delusion. An addict alone is in bad company, as the saying goes. I have decades of proof that self-control is outside my ability.
The 12 steps start in a different place. Step 1 says, "We admitted that we were powerless over <alcohol, sex and love addiction, drugs, whatever>, that our lives had become unmanageable." That seems crazy. How can I recover if my first step is to admit that I'm powerless? But in fact, there is enormous strength in that insight. I start out realizing that my only hope comes from outside myself - from listening to and sharing with and trusting other people totally and from relying totally on God. If I'm powerless, then I can devote myself unreservedly to those paths, because there's nothing left of value within myself to hold on to.
There's another part of powerlessness, too. My addictive self is a piece of me with strong and legitimate needs. Often those needs are for companionship, for connection with others, for self-respect, for security, for wholeness, for community and lack of fear. In addiction, I try to meet those needs in unhealthy, dysfunctional ways, and I destroy myself and cause damage to those around me.
By fighting for control with my addictive self, though, I'm really just trying to suppress all those needs and to crush a vital and legitimate part of my own being. Of course I can't do that, and so eventually the addiction comes roaring back and overwhelms me.
So what if instead I accept that the side of myself from which I have been hiding really is real, and really is part of me? That those needs are legitimate. That I can look at myself both honestly and also gently. That my goal is not to destroy part of myself, but to release it by exploring it lovingly, by reuniting with it, by meeting its needs in healthy and joyful ways, and by letting it go. That's a completely different model of recovery and of finding new life, one I never tried in all my years of struggle.
And for me, that model, a strange one but one that I find supported both through the 12-step program and through the counseling I'm doing, is bringing me into peace with myself and with other people, into a new serenity and joy, and yeah, into sobriety.
The model is conveyed in one sentence in a phrase of which I'm very fond from a 12th century Tibetan teacher, Machig Labdrön, "In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion."
What's transformation like? Here's how the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" describes it on pp. 83-84:
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”
Just a vague outline of what I think is working for me, a day at a time.
Tim M.
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Posted: Sun Jul 19th, 2009 10:26 am |
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For me, it is just trying to express my desire in words.
It makes sense what you say, however at the moment for me I'm just trying to purely abstain from it.
Although I think we can all exercise some self control. We have to take charge of our habits, like what the Bible says. "Don't let anything master you"
Well I feel that I have to make an effort to try at least.
And having to write about it gives me a sense of accountability. A day to day journal.
I was really encouraged reading Lovesick4God's thread.
Day 4. A few temptations here and there but I didn't give in. Happens the most when I'm restless , carefree with nothing on my mind
A things to do list is really handy! Keeps me focused!
When I felt myself getting pulled in I prayed to God to give me strength to fight this addiction.
I kind of got a picture. A very thin ledge if you may while I'm leaning against a wall. The ledge is not very thick just big enough for 2 feet.
The funny thing is that below was a big ravine. One missed step and I would fall.
Pretty interesting just wanting to put text to form like pen to paper.
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Posted: Tue Jul 21st, 2009 05:10 am |
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Its been 5 days. Not too much thought on temptations yesterday.
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Posted: Tue Jul 21st, 2009 11:22 am |
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Day 6 pretty much the same as Day 5
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Posted: Thu Jul 23rd, 2009 11:24 am |
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Really thank God Day 7 and Day 8 have mostly been free of such sinful thoughts
Probably because I'm so busy with my speeches
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Posted: Fri Jul 24th, 2009 12:20 pm |
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Its been 10 days. get it out of the system.
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Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2009 10:45 am |
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woah, Day 11 was really hard. 3 times I was so close to the point of no return but resisted the urge.
I guess thats a great step in the right direction. So close but I managed to stay free from it but the withdraw symptoms definitely packed a punch today.
Day 12 was Sunday, had more things to keep my mind of it. Been clean
Praise God!
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Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2009 11:22 am |
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Day 13. Just want to encourage everyone. When watching a movie sometimes there are some sexual references.
In this case it was a christian based movie, where the husband has a pornography addiction.
When you look at that, and have the knowledge that you are on your way to conquering this addiction
It is such a good feeling. It feels so worth it. Same with movies when actress appear unneccesarily it is good to know that you are on the way to free yourself from such evil thoughts. You feel as if it pays of and that guilty feeling doesn't sink in
13 days and going strong. I think this aspect of accountability is really helping.
I don't think I've gone this long.
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Change
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Posted: Tue Jul 28th, 2009 11:50 am |
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Wow Day 14 was really hard. Literally and figuratively speaking! I was so close yet again to reach that point.
Like Day 11. The thing is with that having built up so many days without feeding the addiction, the little member is now as tight as ever.
Every little movement can spark some unintended reaction. It was really hard to say "no" when the temptation offers you something that you've never experienced before. And it seems to be the clique "the best you ever had". It promises that but never delivers.
However I was able to curb it. Thank God
Heads up by Day 15!
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Posted: Wed Jul 29th, 2009 12:04 pm |
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Day 15
It's not getting any easier , getting really hard. Sometimes you just feel like giving up and giving in.
But you must not. Thank God for helping me through. This forum too has also been great, just a journal for tracking progess.
It's been really good.
With-draw symptoms start to kick in. Everything is taken to a higher level. Temptation becomes much stronger. Hormones raging around like mad. Mind consumed with inappropriate thoughts. It seems to clog everything.
I guess the way to combat it is to stay busy. Stay focused on what you gotta do.
Day 16 coming up.
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Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2009 10:27 am |
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Urge died down today thank God. Just fill your mind up with things to do! Goals you wanna acheive
Day 17 coming up!
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Posted: Sat Aug 1st, 2009 04:42 am |
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Day 17 had a fever, sore throat. So no time to think about unwholesome things when you are unhealthy.
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Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2009 08:15 am |
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Has been good the last few days. Kept clean and didn't really think about suggestive subject.
Encourage everyone in my position to keep going.
Been 25 days! That is probably the longest I've ever done! Thanks for this forum once again.
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Posted: Fri Aug 14th, 2009 06:59 am |
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Still clean! It has been hard throughout these 6 days. Flesh and lust is something you've just gotta force your mind to cast out.
8 August till 14 August = 6 days
31 Days!
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Aug 14th, 2009 11:22 am |
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Hi Change,
I rejoice with you in this victory, and pray that your freedom and relationship with God will continue to strengthen.
TruthSeeker
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