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zkoehn
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| Joined: | Mon Aug 24th, 2009 |
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Posted: Tue Aug 25th, 2009 04:55 am |
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| I kinda am at my wits end. I got into porn at a young age. i think i was about eleven. it started with anime and i guess it just evolved from there. I have gotten into deep horrible crap. i have gotten into worse and worse stuff and its killing me. I began to cut because i hated myself but i stopped that. I hate myself and i hate life. I feel like God hates me and there is no way he can forgive me. Reading the Bible casues me great guilt and fear. Verses like the one that says do not be deceived the sexual mimoral (and a list of other things) will not inherit the kingdom of God. That verse kills me. I am terrified of death because of verses like that. I feel hopeless. Please pray for me. please. Im a teenager and i need to get out of this. Please pray...my soul has the hardest time believing god's grace is sufficent...
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TM2
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
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Posted: Tue Aug 25th, 2009 11:39 am |
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Welcome!
As you can see, this board has almost no traffic these days, but it's good that you found a place to reach out.
Self-hatred is certainly a big piece of this addiction for many of us, and I relate to your feeling that you are beyond forgiveness.
For me, something that has helped a lot has been getting into counseling and seeing that people who completely knew my story could still forgive me, and getting involved in a 12-step program with other addicts and seeing what God was doing every day for people like me. We judge ourselves much more harshly than others judge us.
Are the possibilities to work with other people - a counselor, a pastor, etc. - in real life about your problems? You're starting to see the deep issues that are there for most of us, and you might well benefit from working with someone with some psychological training who could help address those issues at their roots so they don't re-emerge as more addiction or cutting or whatever.
In any case, welcome. May you find the peace you seek.
Tim M.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Aug 25th, 2009 12:48 pm |
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Welcome, zkoehn.
I know that this is a very familiar verse, but its truth is no less powerful for being oft repeated.
"For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believes in Him will have everlasting life."
There is no limitation placed on the "whosoever." And it doesn't stop there, because verse 17 says that God did not send Jesus to condemn the world but that through Him we might be saved. If you have already taken that step of faith to trust Jesus with your salvation, then continue to 1 John 1:9 where we are assured that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness." It was Jesus who taught His disciples that they needed to think of forgiveness in such large numbers that they would not be able to keep count and just keep on forgiving.
Please do not confuse condemnation and conviction. Condemnation is what Satan uses to try and convince us that we aren't worth forgiving, but conviction is what the Holy Spirit uses to remind us that we need forgiveness, that it is there for the asking, and that God yearns to have an increasingly close relationship with us. Jesus prayed for/about us in John 17. That might make for some good reading.
You might check the
Celebrate Recovery
site and see if there are any groups in your area.
As Tim said, any friends, family, pastors, etc., whom you can enlist to support you in this struggle will be of great benefit.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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zkoehn
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Posted: Mon Aug 31st, 2009 03:51 am |
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| Thanks to you both for the encouregment. I have talked to my youth pastor but that hasn't seemed to help. The fact that you guys answered has been amazing and has helped me get through some of the guilt. I still need prayer though. I thank you both for your answers.
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mzaituni
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Posted: Mon Aug 31st, 2009 09:34 am |
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Hi zkoehn, please do not lose hope. You have been purchased with a price. The price being the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ our Lord. Am in my mid 30's and I have also struggled for a long time. I felt so crest fallen this morning after i acted out after being free for a very long time. But I will continue pursuing God while moving forward one victory at a time. Sin shall not be a master over me. I am dead to sin and risen with Christ. Romans 6 has been a constant source of strength throughout my journey. You are very precious in the eyes of God.
13Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.
Thank you also TM2 and truthseeker.
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