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standtherefore
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Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2009 07:18 pm |
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I used to struggle with porn and masturbation for years, and even into my marriage. I have since long forsaken those things, but my wife still suspects me of looking at people while we're out, or while I'm out by myself.
The other day, we were on the way to the store, and we had to drive through the high school district to get there. She swears up and down that I watched a high school girl cross the street, and I didn't. In fact, I was looking down at the dash board because I saw so many people walking around, and didn't even want to look like I was doing anything, much less actually do anything. My wife even had to tell me to go when we were at the stop sign because I didn't see the crossing guard waving us on.
She says she won't forgive me unless I admit that I did that. And even then maybe she won't. I know that if I had done it, no matter how bad it was, I would have to admit it, no question about it. But what do I do if I honestly didn't do something I'm accused of? I know the Bible says to suffer wrongs, and of course Christ did just that, and who am I not to? But I'm having a problem with confessing a specific thing that I know for a fact that I didn't do. This isn't like admitting to burning soup in the pot when I really didn't. This is a big thing to admit to when it isn't true.
I keep praying that God will tell her the truth, but so far He hasn't. And I can't find in Scripture an example of when someone was falsely accused they actually confessed to the accusation.
Should I admit it and hope for forgiveness? Or keep telling the truth and hope God shows her. That's what I've been doing so far. I'm just really scared about this one though because she's extremely adimate that I get my own place because of this.
Any men who have been through this type of situation successfully, I would really appreciate a response.
Thank you.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2009 09:45 pm |
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Hi standtherefore,
I am female, but asked my husband for his opinion, which didn't differ especially from my own. Presuming that you are being completely honest here about it having been quite some time since you engaged in impure behavior, then it is your wife who needs counsel to work through the insecurities and self-esteem issues that are driving her fears, which almost seem to border on paranoia, and seem to be making you paranoid as well.
Attractive women exist, and it is impossible to avoid them, indeed is dangerous to be too focused on the dash board while driving. General marriage counseling may also be needed, to help the two of you communicate more openly without feeling like you are treading on eggshells. In a healthy marriage, neither of you should think anything of you coming in from a doctor's visit and saying that your doctor was unavailable and that they had you see so-and-so. As I said in my earlier reply, a wife's unforgiveness can sabotage a marriage just as thoroughly as a husband's continued acting out.
Neither of us would admit to a lie. Denying that Jesus rose from the dead could have saved many disciples lives, but to a man, they gave their lives for the truth.
Praying...
TruthSeeker
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TM2
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Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2009 10:14 pm |
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I certainly wouldn't lie.
What would happen if you were to say as calmly and lovingly as possible that you understand why she should be suspicious, that you have done many such things in the past, that you can only hope that she will be able to forgive those things if you now make a new life, but that this time, as far as you honestly remember, what she fears didn't happen?
Tim M.
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