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LovingGod
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Posted: Wed Jul 14th, 2010 04:21 pm |
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Hi everyone! I just found this website and find it so helpful with everything that has happened in my life this past year! Well, here's my story!
I have been married 6 years this past June!
Story begins after our honeymoon...
My husband and I went on our honeymoon and it was great! We had a wonderful time, but the moment we came back home I noticed he wasnt as interested in me as he was during the cruise. So, I asked him if he was attracted to me? and he said yes of course he was! Well, thats where the self esteem and lack of confidence in the bedroom started for me....  I always thought maybe I;m just not as experienced as all the other girls he had been with! I knew he had had a crazy sexual past but never had details because he thought it wasnt wise for him to share his full past with me because I might get scared! So, I accepted that and loved him for who he was now. My husband was never nurturing or loving towards me. Just as though I was his friend... At least that's how I've always felt....
Well, about a year into our marriage I come home from work and I find an email with someone else's name on it with personal ads....I got so scared! I closed the screen and thought maybe I had opened someone email in error!  Never thinking it could be him... I never mentioned it....
Well, we had our first son in 2006 and he was a blessing to our home!  I became pregnant again in 5/2008 with our second son... but then I started to feel my husband distant... I felt so alone! In August of 2008 I confronted him with an issue of lust and he denied it! I believed him! In Nov 2008 I found him going to Singlesnet.com and Craigslist personals... looking at men looking for men! I was devastated!!! I cried and cried called him hysterical! I was distraught! He spoke to me and I decided to try it again and wait on God! I knew He would show me the way! and the truth! but I got a little smarter and started checking the history on the computer and he was looking at some really out of control pics of women! I confronted him and he said they were nothing! I asked him if he was addicted to porn or watched it and he said no... I stood quiet waiting trusting....
Then Feb 2009 came I was 9 months pregnant! my son was due the 28th of that month! Needless to say he was born 2 days after the discobvery!  I was sleeping and had a dream that my husband was receiving emails from women! I knew his email addresses all his passwords to everything that was impossible but something told me it was true! I went to his car and picked up his work phone which he had had for the past 10 years and to my surprise there it was! All the calls all the texts all the invitations all the chatting everything! I was broken to little pieces! I had never checked that phone believed my husband! the elder the youth leader the mentor the father the husband! he would use a different name and lie to them and tell them all these things... he was lying to everyone!
Well, he continued to do this even though I told him to stop asked him to give up his phone and leave it all! he kept sneaking around deleting calling from work taking his phone! I finally told him that if he did it one more time I was out and I was out for good!!
He did! he got on Facebook and started chatting with a girl... I was able to log on and see it all live! he kept trying to take the conversation elsewhere but she was young and naive and did not understand... He then started bashing me! That was the last straw! I HAD IT!
I was not taking care of my children! My baby was 6 months old and needed his mommy to be healthy and love him! I hadnt even bonded with my child! :'(
We are separated right now and I am seeking divorce! I asked him to please keep going to counseling and to get help and he refused! said why did he have to go if I hadnt wanted to keep going with him... That he could do this that he was in control!
My train of thought is that I did not deserve this! he knew he had a problem before he married me! he should have been honest and given me the option. but he lied! I hate leaving him the way he is because my nature is to help... But I cant! about a month ago I just found out I have a HUGE bald spot on my head because of all the stress this past year! I wish him the best and hope that one day he realizes he needs help and gets it... In the meantime I am taking my boys out of this sin! I cannot will not have it in my home! I am not a tolerant person! It's black and white for me! I have forgiven him! We are good friends and we parent well together... we just cannot be together... his disease was destroying me and my family! I know there is hope out there I hear your stories and wish I was strong enough to say that I could stay and fight! But I was willing to stay as long as he was honest! I stayed with him 7 months after the discovery but he continued to lie and tell me that I needed to trust him! I laughed in his face! Manipulation was not going to work on me!
I am happy to say that I am better.... There have been a few months where I get scared! I cry! and I get mad and wonder why me, why us? :'( I am going to start attending a S-anon meeting in the next few weeks to make myself better for me and my little boys! :o) I have such peace from God!
btw i did not make the decision to divorce without consulting God! I had a moment where I was cleaning and praying! I told God that I didnt want to be the one where I put in the time and effort and he would do it all over again and hurt me and my boys! maybe even at a larger scale! and I felt Him hold me and tell me it was ok! I didnt have to stay! I went upstairs and packed his bags! The anger and resentment gone! God gave me the grace and the ok to do this... And I am here standing strong! Trying to make a happy and safe home for my boys!
Thank you so much for listening feels good to be able to speak to women who have been there or are going through it right now! Any advice or words of wisdom are appreciated!
-Loving God .... always
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Jul 14th, 2010 10:10 pm |
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Hi Loving God,
I am sorry to hear that he will not come clean.
It is important for the integrity and safety of those at the church he attends that you bring this matter to the pastor. He must not serve in any kind of leadership.
TruthSeeker
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LovingGod
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Posted: Wed Jul 14th, 2010 10:15 pm |
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| No, he no longer serves! I brought it up to them immediately! I knew he was in no condition to be in a position of leadership!
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Devastated Wife
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| Joined: | Fri Jul 17th, 2009 |
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Posted: Thu Jul 15th, 2010 04:35 am |
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Congratulations, Loving God.........you've demonstrated strength and courage in your decision to leave and spare your children the insidious poison of porn. BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ATTAGIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I had known and had the strength to do what you have done when my children were young. I have no doubt that time will prove that you have made the right decision.
Congratulations. I pray that the Lord will guide and direct you in all things......and that when the time is right, he might introduce you to a decent Christian man who will be the husband you deserve and the father your children deserve.
May God bless and keep you.
My best, DW
____________________
My best, Devastated Wife
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LovingGod
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Posted: Thu Jul 15th, 2010 01:58 pm |
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Thank you DW!!! I appreciate your words!! It's a decision that took a while to make but I made it and yes I have been back and forth but the last two months he has proved that he is still up to no good and denies that he has a problem!
Thank you! I do deserve better! I deserve everything I have ever wanted in a marriage! And, I trust that God will give it to me!
I am going to start serving in my church again and focus on Him and my kids and I know He will bring me the right person at the right time!
I LOVE this site! You all have been a HUGE blessing to my life! I have been reading the forum for a while now but had never posted....
God bless you! I will keep every marriage and everyone who is here in prayer! There is Hope in the Lord!
- Loving God!!!!!
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