| Author | Post |
|---|
aandt
Member
| Joined: | Fri Nov 21st, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 8 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Tue Nov 25th, 2008 10:42 am |
|
I have struggled with sexual sin (pornography) especially since I was 9 or 10 years old. When my marriage was almost over, I finally found an accountability partner and overcame it for the most part. I am not going to lie from time to time I still fail.
My wife and I were given leadership positions in our church. She accused me of having an affair one evening which led to several things, including us losing our position in our church.
Our church still loves and accepts us. They want our marriage to grow and after being away from eachother for a couple weeks, we reunited and the last couple of months have been wonderful.
During this time my church started a men's ministry. They do things together, but it is more like going to sporting events and stuff like that. I have no problem at all with that, but I would like to approach my pastor about a men's get together weekly, where we can share the Word, form accountability partners, and be there for eachother. I feel like God is pulling me to help other men who are struggling with this stuff just as I have. After recently having a failed ministry, is it too soon to try to reach out to others? What should I do? I feel the need for pornography to be exposed in our church.
|
truthseeker
Administrator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 1077 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Tue Nov 25th, 2008 04:15 pm |
|
Hi Andrew,
Your best answer would probably be to sit down and speak with your pastor about your vision and heart for ministry.
From what little you have said here, it sounds to me like more time for a foundation of rock to solidify in your own life might be wise. After all, when the blind lead the blind...
Yes, I realize that even people who have had a couple of years of freedom may lapse, but I see a couple of months as being much more tenuous.
Just my opinion.
TruthSeeker
|
TimM
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 263 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Nov 25th, 2008 06:44 pm |
|
For me, reaching out to help others is an important part of recovery. Part of the teaching of the 12-step program is that in order to keep it, we have to give it away.
However:
Helping others can also be an act of avoidance, because it is easier and less painful to work on other people than to work on myself. That's a particular temptation for me as a teacher. I like being in that comfortable and slightly distant position of authority and control. It's pleasant to be just a few steps ahead of everybody else, and not to have their problems.
Those are huge dangers in recovery.
For me, addiction has been built on distance and superiority to others, on not facing myself, and on lying to myself about who I am. I have to break those behaviors again and again in order to get sober and to stay sober. I need a lot more humility than is comfortable.
For all those reasons, I'd be queasy about involvement in a group at a church in which I had had a position of leadership. It would be way too easy to glide into being the expert bringing the word, and that would not be good either for me or for others. I'd think that involvement at another church where you could really be anonymous might be much safer. If I were to be involved in a support group in my own church, I'd want to guarantee absolutely in advance that I wasn't in any position of leadership. For instance, I'd want leadership of meetings to move from person to person the way it does in 12-step fellowships, or I'd want a leader who wasn't me and wasn't in any way deferential to me. As a new person in recovery, and one still working on getting sober, and especially as someone once involved in leadership, I'd think you would want to be very careful not to chair meetings for the first few months at least, but to be there to listen and to learn. That would be hard, and if I were you I would want somebody to hold me absolutely accountable on those points.
So those would be my concerns. I do think that working with other people is critical, and that helping others helps us. But I wonder if there isn't a way to do that someplace other than at a church in which you were once in leadership? You might gain much more by being an ordinary member of an already existing group, practicing listening and followership.
At least, that's how it seems to me. I admit that the countervailing pull to teach is large, and that I do not always resist it as thoroughly as I ought; but doing it in one's own church would feel past what was safe to me. I think I'd want quite a few years of recovery and sobriety before trying that.
Just how it seems to me, of course.
Tim M.
|
henny
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 27th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 98 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Nov 25th, 2008 09:11 pm |
|
aandt,
First, welcome to Blazing Grace. I have to concur with TimM's take on things. Best to go very slowly here. I know a fellow who is having a sexual affair with a very troubled young woman. He is also a leader of their men's group. Pride now prevents him from confessing his sins, in order to be forgiven and set free. And the hypocrisy of his behavior is eating at his brain. This guy is a mess.
It may be beneficial to attend whatever men's functions your organization puts together. That will allow God to put you in a place of fellowship and trust with other men. Statistics here and elsewhere indicate that half the guys you meet will be struggling with sexual sin of some sort. But before you offer help, offer yourself to God. It is often said, God doesn't use the perfect, he uses the available.
God knows your heart.
Go in grace.
|
Man
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Nov 25th, 2008 11:44 pm |
|
aandt wrote:
My wife and I were given leadership positions in our church. She accused me of having an affair one evening which led to several things, including us losing our position in our church.
Did you have that? Was it a true accusation?
During this time my church started a men's ministry. They do things together, but it is more like going to sporting events and stuff like that. I have no problem at all with that, but I would like to approach my pastor about a men's get together weekly, where we can share the Word, form accountability partners, and be there for eachother. I feel like God is pulling me to help other men who are struggling with this stuff just as I have.
What is it that you think you can give other men? How do you think you can serve them and what can you give them? How do you think that you can SEE other men and build them up?
____________________
May the Lord bless you all!
|
CB
Member
| Joined: | Wed Jul 2nd, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 42 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Nov 26th, 2008 01:10 pm |
|
aandt,
I would say seek God and do what He says. If you think He's calling you to this sort of ministry, go for it. God will never lead you down a path that He will not also equip you to walk.
I guess I'm of a little different opinion when it comes to leadership. I don't think we need perfect (or near perfect) people in leadership. I just think we need honest poeple that love Jesus; people that aren't afraid to be transparent with the people that they are ministering to. All too often I think the church puts their pastors on 'pedestals', expecting that they somehow are immune to the temptations of life. And that's a very dangerous place to be, not only for the church, but also for the pastor. It creates a ton of pressure for the pastor to keep 'appearing perfect', and it creates a church that is devastated when the struggling pastor is eventually found out.
Leaders are human beings too, struggling with the same day-to-day things that everyone of us is struggling with. But honesty is where your integrity is kept.
CB!
____________________
cbthinking.blogspot.com
|
aandt
Member
| Joined: | Fri Nov 21st, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 8 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Nov 27th, 2008 03:29 am |
|
Guys,
Thank you so much for the replies. As many of you have noted, I do not think I am ready for leadership. I do, however, feel God puling me that way with other men.
My question is simply how do most churches and/or men's groups start a meeting with accountability and great Bible teaching. I feel like men need this and where two or three gather, the enemy can be defeated a whole lot easier. I also feel like the more men expose and talk about their sexual sin, the easier it is to overcome it.
Stay Blessed!!
|
aandt
Member
| Joined: | Fri Nov 21st, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 8 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Nov 27th, 2008 03:35 am |
|
Man,
To reply to your comment. No, the allegation was not true. I am attending college and we have study groups consisting of 5 people. Our group has 3 guys and 2 girls. The young lady and I communicated via text message about some of the topics and my wife, who is already understandably jealous, blew it way out of proportion. I have sense learned to distance myself more and after that we set up boundaries so that no more accusations could be made. The girl lives over an hour away from, she is married, and has two children, and there is simply no way that would have or could have happened.
My wife's previous marriage ended in infidelity and when you add in my own sexual sin, I clearly understand my wife's view point.
|
Man
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Nov 27th, 2008 10:43 pm |
|
aandt wrote: Guys,
Thank you so much for the replies. As many of you have noted, I do not think I am ready for leadership. I do, however, feel God puling me that way with other men.
My question is simply how do most churches and/or men's groups start a meeting with accountability and great Bible teaching. I feel like men need this and where two or three gather, the enemy can be defeated a whole lot easier. I also feel like the more men expose and talk about their sexual sin, the easier it is to overcome it.
Stay Blessed!!
Aandt: How do think that you can give, see, serve and build up people around you?
____________________
May the Lord bless you all!
|
theagro
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jul 7th, 2009 |
| Location: | Boaz, Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 4 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Jul 8th, 2009 03:27 pm |
|
I agree with CB on this. If our LORD is calling you into this ministry (any part of it) then He will provide. It may be that He is calling you to start something in your local church, community or where ever. He may just want to use you to get this thing started and not necessarily lead it.
I was addicted to porn for the better part of 20 years and it was not until I got saved back in 2006 that I was set free. Our LORD has since then called me into this same kind of ministry (teaching the church what the Word of GOD says about those difficult issues). Many of the churches feel that talking about anything sexual is a sin within itself and should be "swept under the rug".
But I can honestly say that through GOD and Him alone, I am set 100% free. The moment that I got saved, I could feel the desires for porn lift.
I can say to pray, pray, pray and allow the LORD to work with you.
God Bless
|
Man
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Jul 8th, 2009 07:05 pm |
|
theagro wrote: I agree with CB on this. If our LORD is calling you into this ministry (any part of it) then He will provide. It may be that He is calling you to start something in your local church, community or where ever. He may just want to use you to get this thing started and not necessarily lead it.
I was addicted to porn for the better part of 20 years and it was not until I got saved back in 2006 that I was set free. Our LORD has since then called me into this same kind of ministry (teaching the church what the Word of GOD says about those difficult issues). Many of the churches feel that talking about anything sexual is a sin within itself and should be "swept under the rug".
But I can honestly say that through GOD and Him alone, I am set 100% free. The moment that I got saved, I could feel the desires for porn lift.
I can say to pray, pray, pray and allow the LORD to work with you.
God Bless
But how do you know that the Lord is calling you theagro?
____________________
May the Lord bless you all!
|
theagro
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jul 7th, 2009 |
| Location: | Boaz, Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 4 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Jul 8th, 2009 09:57 pm |
|
When I was first called into the ministry this was something that I had a rough time with also; how was I to be sure that GOD was calling me? I would wrestle with GOD about it. I kept telling GOD that I wasn't good enough. I had been divorced, drugs, drinking, pornography; I was a wretch. Then GOD, through His Word, showed me that Paul was a killer of Christians. GOD don't change our past and what we have done to mess it up, He uses our past and the freedom that only can come from Him to help and lead others.
Think of it like this. How can I tell others about anything other than what GOD Himself through His grace has delivered me from. I can preach to others about death, hell and the grave because GOD delivered me from those things through His saving grace via the Blood of Jesus. I can also tell others about the dangers of pornography because GOD has delivered me from it. I can also tell others about drinking and drugs, all because He lifted me out of that life and, like Lazarus in John 11:43-44, I was called out from among the dead into the living.
Charles Stanley said: if GOD tells me to run my head through a brick wall, I MUST run. It is up to GOD to provide the hole.
All throughout the Bible when GOD called someone to serve Him, He would make it clear to the person
Moses: Exodus 3:4 And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.
Saul of Tarsus: Acts 9:4 And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?
Abraham: Genesis 22:11 And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.
Sorry if I seem to be rambling, but to sum it up. When GOD calls us He will make it clear. GOD does not cause confusion or doubt! Satan causes confusion & doubt.
Hope this helps.
|
Man
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 9th, 2009 08:29 am |
|
theagro wrote: When I was first called into the ministry this was something that I had a rough time with also; how was I to be sure that GOD was calling me? I would wrestle with GOD about it. I kept telling GOD that I wasn't good enough. I had been divorced, drugs, drinking, pornography; I was a wretch. Then GOD, through His Word, showed me that Paul was a killer of Christians. GOD don't change our past and what we have done to mess it up, He uses our past and the freedom that only can come from Him to help and lead others.
Think of it like this. How can I tell others about anything other than what GOD Himself through His grace has delivered me from. I can preach to others about death, hell and the grave because GOD delivered me from those things through His saving grace via the Blood of Jesus. I can also tell others about the dangers of pornography because GOD has delivered me from it. I can also tell others about drinking and drugs, all because He lifted me out of that life and, like Lazarus in John 11:43-44, I was called out from among the dead into the living.
Charles Stanley said: if GOD tells me to run my head through a brick wall, I MUST run. It is up to GOD to provide the hole.
All throughout the Bible when GOD called someone to serve Him, He would make it clear to the person
Moses: Exodus 3:4 And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.
Saul of Tarsus: Acts 9:4 And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?
Abraham: Genesis 22:11 And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.
Sorry if I seem to be rambling, but to sum it up. When GOD calls us He will make it clear. GOD does not cause confusion or doubt! Satan causes confusion & doubt.
Hope this helps.
Well, I am most interested in that little link between the things that you know and how you know it was God or how you think it was God.
____________________
May the Lord bless you all!
|
theagro
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jul 7th, 2009 |
| Location: | Boaz, Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 4 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 9th, 2009 03:43 pm |
|
Do you *know* that you are saved or do you *think* that you are saved?
Do you *know* that the Bible is the inspired Word of GOD or do you *think* it is?
Do you *know* that Jesus is the only begotten of the Father or do you *think* He is?
Do you *know* that Jesus was raised from the dead or do you *think* He was?
GOD even calls us to be His children. John 6:44a "No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him:"
If we spend much time debating over whether we think we are vs. whether we know we are; we loose valuable time in His service. Satan would have us to think and debate and deliberate, GOD would have us to know and serve. Jesus said in John 10:27 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:" Jesus didn't say that His sheep think they should follow Him or think that they hear His voice but that they "hear my voice.. and they follow me". We who are called of GOD to be His children are all called into His ministry. Mark 16:15 "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." If I can say that I know for sure that I am saved by grace through faith and am truly a child of the living GOD then I must tell others about Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross for me. How that "[For] God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
I guess to sum it up is this: If you are struggling with whether you are called into a certain area of the ministry of Jesus Christ, ask the LORD to reveal His truth to you. Ask Him to open the doors before you. And if you are not called into that area then ask Hom to close any doors that you may have opened. It all comes down to faith. Whatever area of ministry you are called into, the LORD will impress upon you heart. He impressed upon my heart the need to share with the churches about the dangers of pornography. Satan can not impress upon your heart something that would bring honor and glory to Jesus Christ, only GOD through His Holy Spirit can do that. See, the Holy Spirit always points others to Jesus, either by showing them that they are lost and bringing them under conviction for Salvation or showing them of some sin that they are harboring and pointing them back to the Cross or by leading them into that area of the ministry of Jesus Christ that they are called into.
To quote a childs song "The Bible Tells Me So"
GOD Bless
|
Man
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 9th, 2009 07:57 pm |
|
theagro wrote: Do you *know* that you are saved or do you *think* that you are saved?
Do you *know* that the Bible is the inspired Word of GOD or do you *think* it is?
Do you *know* that Jesus is the only begotten of the Father or do you *think* He is?
Do you *know* that Jesus was raised from the dead or do you *think* He was?
GOD even calls us to be His children. John 6:44a "No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him:"
If we spend much time debating over whether we think we are vs. whether we know we are; we loose valuable time in His service. Satan would have us to think and debate and deliberate, GOD would have us to know and serve. Jesus said in John 10:27 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:" Jesus didn't say that His sheep think they should follow Him or think that they hear His voice but that they "hear my voice.. and they follow me". We who are called of GOD to be His children are all called into His ministry. Mark 16:15 "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." If I can say that I know for sure that I am saved by grace through faith and am truly a child of the living GOD then I must tell others about Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross for me. How that "[For] God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
I guess to sum it up is this: If you are struggling with whether you are called into a certain area of the ministry of Jesus Christ, ask the LORD to reveal His truth to you. Ask Him to open the doors before you. And if you are not called into that area then ask Hom to close any doors that you may have opened. It all comes down to faith. Whatever area of ministry you are called into, the LORD will impress upon you heart. He impressed upon my heart the need to share with the churches about the dangers of pornography. Satan can not impress upon your heart something that would bring honor and glory to Jesus Christ, only GOD through His Holy Spirit can do that. See, the Holy Spirit always points others to Jesus, either by showing them that they are lost and bringing them under conviction for Salvation or showing them of some sin that they are harboring and pointing them back to the Cross or by leading them into that area of the ministry of Jesus Christ that they are called into.
To quote a childs song "The Bible Tells Me So"
GOD Bless
What is your answer to the questions?
____________________
May the Lord bless you all!
|
theagro
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jul 7th, 2009 |
| Location: | Boaz, Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 4 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Jul 9th, 2009 08:57 pm |
|
I must do as Scripture says:
1 Timothy 1:4 "Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do."
Titus 3:9 "But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain."
I see that no matter how I answer your questions it will always be an endless repetition. So therefore, I am ending the conversation.
Have a good day Man and may GOD bless you and yours.
|
Current time is 02:57 pm | |
|
|
|
RSS