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keithterrill
Member
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Posted: Fri Jul 23rd, 2010 05:48 pm |
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I am in a Bible believing, conservative church. I have been struggling with temptations, falling, sexual sin, lust... since my pre-teen years. My accepting of Jesus as my saviour on 05/9/1976 freed me from much of what I was struggling with. However, as I entered into marriage with my wonderful wife, began walking towards ministry, the sexual temptations over took me. Not that i had ever put it aside, but it was no longer "controllable." I ended up going to Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), a intense workshop, and a personal retreat from life for about 5 years.
I am clean, mostly.... I am struggling with desires that come at the "wrong time", with temptations to look "Google for" story about my one last (I think last) sex temptation. Mostly, have kept with in my boundaries. Feel stronger each and every day, but with that do not trust my self in various areas.
My wife knows.... my family knows.... my In-Laws know... etc. My church board knows... my spiritual mentors know...
where I have been, and where I am at.
God is leading me to return to full time ministry. I don't know what form, or how it will be met out, but He did lead me in this direction.
NOW:
The senior pastor in our church and I were talking yesterday. He brought up the concept that the Spirit of Jezebel is active in the church: western church in general, and our specific local church... as well as active in our community.
The idea had never struck me. Can it be true? Well... yes it can... and I think it is. It explains many things in our church life, or lack there of.
BUT:
Is it that this Spirit of Jezebel has been active in or against me? As I have been researching this, finding articles written on this (via the internet), it looks like I could be a victim of this very real evil. That in no way absolves me from my responsibility, but it does give me another way to attack what has been going on in me, and may still be oppressing me.
ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS?
Thank you
____________________
KLT
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TM2
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 473 |
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Posted: Sat Jul 24th, 2010 09:18 pm |
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Keith,
I'm not the one to reflect on issues of evangelical theology, but I guess I still have a thought to take or leave as it suits you.
For me, an important part of my recovery has been moving away from conceptualizing my problem as a battle with external forces and moving instead toward seeing my problem as an internal emotional one.
I'm not trying to fight something outside myself, nor am I trying to fight something inside myself. My addicted self isn't an evil to be destroyed. If I think that way, then I'm caught in an un-winnable battle that keeps me divided against myself, when in fact that separation of myself into competing personalities is at the heart of my problem.
Instead, it's much more helpful for me to work to look at my addict, a part of myself, with understanding and compassion. My addict is trying to meet real needs, but doing that in ways that don't work. My goal can't therefore be to destroy the addict, divide myself, and leave those needs unmet. Instead, I need to discern those needs, to find healthy ways to meet them, to accept myself, and to find unity and serenity and peace with all of myself.
That seemed crazy to me when I started into recovery. I've been fighting this side of myself all my life. What do you mean I now need to embrace it? But I am well and truly convinced that for me, that's the path to wholeness and peace.
When I look inside myself, I don't see the spirit of Jezebel. I only see the spirit of Tim. And I think that for me to see more is to deceive myself and to lead myself along a path that doesn't lead to wholeness, but to more division.
There's no chapter and verse that goes with that, so it may be of no use to you. It's what I think I learn from my counselor and from a bunch of other teachers, though, and it's what I find within myself and what's working for me.
May you find a path that works for you.
Tim M.
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keithterrill
Member
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Posted: Sun Jul 25th, 2010 04:40 am |
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good food for thought. And I agree with you about embracing myself as I am, just as Jesus has, does, and will. The addict as we call it is mine, my chosing, and it is part of my character.
As a Christian I do not have the Spirit of Jezebel with in me. That would be posesion, which is not posible since the Holy Spirit dwells with in me.
The battle I speak of is in the same vain as recognizing a TV program, types of movies, iternet sites, particular people, or parts of town to avoid. The Spirit of Jezebel acts from outside me, but to tempt me. By becoming aware of it, is to become sensitive, more so to people, places, events, etc that can lead me into my addictive ritual(s).
Ephesians 6:12 calls it a battle. And, even there is in agreement with you that it isn't a battle with in us (not with flesh).
I do belive that this has to be a balanced approach. Else, we are like Don Qiuote tipping at windmills.
Therefore, your comments are a good foil.
Thank-you
____________________
KLT
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keithterrill
Member
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Posted: Mon Jul 26th, 2010 01:58 am |
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Thinking more about this.
After accepting Jesus as my Savior, the Spirit of Jezebel can only be an outside acting force, or influence. If I were to view it as the reason I act out, I would be making myself a victim. That would be no different then if I blamed my Mother for abandonment in my early childhood, or my father for verbal violence as I was growing up and saying that is the reason I act out.
Or using the old Flip Wilson gag, "The devil made me do it."
None of those are true, nor are they helpful.
I choose to act out. It was the escape I took. Those who offered me the false medication of masturbation or pornography did not force me to do it. It was my own self that gave in. It was my own self that acted out each time, more quickly than the time before. It was my own self that went for stronger "drinks" of the "drug". It was my own self that reached for other formulations of the "drug" (adultery for example). Never once did my Mother, nor my Father, nor anyone else force me to masturbate, view pornography, etc.
However, there have been outside influences that have made the task of resisting more difficult. Some of those were such things as my room mate, Dan, having Playboy and other magazines freely laying around the apartment. I did not speak up and say something. I also did not look at the magazines when he was around, though he would have let me. I did however look at them when he wasn't there. I knew it to be wrong with in myself... I am the one who choose to do the acting out.
Being that the Bible tells me that there is a spiritual world and that we do a battle, or wrestle in that spiritual world, I (we) should be careful to not ignore it. I am looking at the reality of a "Spirit of Jezebel". This isn't a specific and only one demon, nor is it the real name... it is only a label on a type of "dark spiritual influence" to be found around an individual, group, or community. (I suppose an atheistic psychologist may have a different way of describing the same observable influence.) It would be foolish, IMHO, to ignore such an influence, thinking all will be well.
We don't encourage an alcoholic to spend his/her time in a bar, or hanging around friends as they finish off their keg. Why? Because the influence is there.
The same would be regarding this particular influence called the Spirit of Jezebel. If it is to be found around me, I need to have a change... either the person or persons need to be confronted and have them change. Or, I need to distance myself until I am able to make right choices within their presence. And if I never gain the will power, strength etc to make the correct decisions, maybe I can never be in that presence again.
Now as far as doing battle, or wrestling with this Spirit... it is described in Ephesians chapter 6. It is a matter of prayer: to discern the spirit, and to deflect it with faith, etc.
well... that is as far as my thinking has taken me at this time.
thank you
____________________
KLT
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