| Author | Post |
|---|
stillsad
Member
| Joined: | Sat Dec 30th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 9 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Thu Jan 4th, 2007 06:04 pm |
|
| I went to my Priest to talk about my husbands Sex Addiction. I was shocked. I expected him to say to stay in the marriage and work it out. You know, us Catholics don't divorce. He said to get out. He had dealt with this with SO many couples already. I told him I was going to give him one more chance and he supported me fully but told me I would be back. It wasn't quite as simple as I'm making it out to be. It was about a 2 hour conversation, but I want to say, my Priest had studied sexual addiction and knew a lot about it. He had also just gone to another couples house to tell a wife about her husband suffering from it. The husband swore he would never look at porn again. Withing 30 days he waw back. Well, needless to say, I, too, was back with my Priest within a few months. My husband and I are now divorced. But, I do know that I did everything I possibly could. My Priest does have many sermons on pornography. He does talk about the dangers of the internet. Hopefully, we are coming around to reality.
|
henny
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 27th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 98 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Fri Jan 5th, 2007 03:31 pm |
|
Stillsad,
I am sorry about your divorce. And I cannot argue with or challenge the advice your priest gave, or the decision you made. But realize this, with God all things are possible. I have struggled with sex addiction on and off for most of the last 30 years. I am free right now, and thanking God for that.
We have been married 30 years this year, so you can see that my addiction scarred most of the years of my marriage. I'm not sure why my wife stayed. I wouldn't have blamed her for leaving.
I just hope someday your new sign in will be "joyful".
Praying for you,
Henny
|
TimM
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Jan 9th, 2007 08:15 pm |
|
stillsad,
Obviously a sad experience, still; and unfortunately not an uncommon one. I hope you are finding ways to move forward and to understand that his addiction is not about you.
In my opinion (and it's nothing more than that) there are many times when divorce is the only option left. Our addiction can easily consume us, and there is nothing our spouses can do to move us out of the hell we build. If the addict does not see a reason to quit and is not yet ready to do so, then the course you took is what's left.
That said, I would also not want your story to be read by others as global advice for every partner of every addict, nor as a global statement to every addict that the situation is hopeless and that we should give up on recovery. People do recover from this addiction. It's hard work - as hard as or harder than any addiction - but I know sex addicts who have built new lives and have been sober for years or for decades. For me, it's only been a little over a year, but it is clear to me and to my wife that there is hope, and that we are building a far better future than our past.
At the same time that I affirm your choice for your own situation, then, I also want to encourage my fellow addicts that we are not beyond hope, that if we are truly ready to do anything it takes in order to recover, then there are blessings out there we never imagined.
I'm sorry your husband never reached that point.
Tim M.
|
stillsad
Member
| Joined: | Sat Dec 30th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 9 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Jan 9th, 2007 10:21 pm |
|
Tim:
Thanks for the reply. I don't doubt that you are in recovery. In AR where I live there are only 3 sex addiction therapists that are qualified. Yes, in the whole state. I asked in every which way possible to meet a couple that had truly recovered. My husband and I spent 3 years in therapy. He went to therapy, I went to therapy, and we went together. There was not one couple in Arkansas she could introduce us to that had recovered for any length of time. Now, she did ask me to go to Texas or Minnesota which apparently are well ahead of Arkansas. I know that Minnesota is so far ahead of most states when it comes to any kind of recovery - but that seem unreal to me that she could not fine one couple for me to talk to that had actually recovered.
When I read posts on this site from people whose husbands are sex addicts and 'quit going to therapy' I just want to cry. They need to know how serious this is. It's just as serious as alcoholism. If their husband is not in therapy - they are losing the battle. I honestly don't believe my husband wanted to give up his family for this disgusting addiction. But the first to go is the family.
People need to know this is a life long addiction and what they are in for. Thanks for listening and I do wish you and your family many blessings.
|
TimM
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Jan 10th, 2007 05:19 pm |
|
stillsad,
Everything you say is right. Both addicts and spouses often delude themselves by thinking sex addiction is some sort of "addiction lite" that can be dealt with via some sort of "recovery lite." I think this is a complete delusion. I know lots of people who are multiply addicted to sex and alcohol, and smaller numbers multiply addicted to sex and other drugs. Maybe one of the drug addicts thinks getting clean from cocaine was harder than getting clean from SA, but most do not. I don't know anyone who found getting sober from booze harder than getting sober from SA.
When we addicts fail to understand this, we fail to accept that we need counseling and 12-step programs and all the package of tools that any other addict needs. When spouses fail to understand this, they believe it when the addict says, "I've got it licked now; it wasn't that big a problem; I just need will power." Often the addict believes that, too; but at least in my own life, all that conviction did me exactly no good until I accepted that I had to treat my addiction just as seriously as I would an addiction involving substances. Unless the addict can move away from that position, the people around us have to do whatever is necessary to protect themselves and their kids.
Finally, I wasn't at all looking for the validation of your belief in my sobriety. We don't know one another, and you don't have any way to tell whether I'm recovering well or just covering up adeptly. What I do want is to reassure other addicts that your priest's pastoral response in your situation is not a blanket judgment that no addict can recover, and therefore a permission to stop trying. People do recover from this addiction, whether or not I am one of them. We have that hope, and therefore that responsibility.
Good for you, doing what you needed to do for yourself and your family; good for all my fellow addicts who find the despair and the hope and the courage to dare to recover and who make your path avoidable in their own families.
As a postscript, I do know couples who have recovered and remained married. Unfortunately, I know just as many where he addict has gotten sober but where the strains within the relationship were so great that sobriety wasn't enough to preserve the marriage. That my wife and I are still together and that my recovery is still continuing is an enormous and precious blessing.
Tim M.
|
clean2day
Member
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11th, 2007 06:37 am |
|
Still
You asked if there was someone that was compleately "cured" from this. Let me put it that with the help of our Lord and saviour Jesus we can resiste the temptations. But as Augustine says in his confessions, this is sin and we are all helpless not to fall into sin without our Lord. This is not a direct quiot.
There is a Catholic site that deal with this and it has many that can help. http://www.trueknights.org both you and your exhusband might find extra help there.
Our victory over every sin comes both from our wanting to be free and the help of Jesus. The tools are out there, I am not saying that because of our humaness and sinful nature that I have not fallen. Nor am I going to say that I will never fall again, but I will say that now I am free for He has set me free. Everyday I must choose what and to whome I will give my life. To fall is to be like Peter as he said I will never forsake you Lord. Then denie Him 3 times.
With the blessings of Jesus on all who fights this and every sin we pray
C2d
____________________
"When you need a victory, Jesus gives it.
When you need a friend, Jesus will be there.
When you need to talk, Jesus will listen.
And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close.
Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988
|
Current time is 01:10 am | |
|
|
|
RSS