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imashamed
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Posted: Thu Oct 12th, 2006 07:56 am |
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i have realized lately that i do not feel like "a man". i know that since GOD created me as a man that i am; but i don't feel like one. so i figured i would start a topic where "men" could post what it means to be a "man". i'm not talking about being male; but being a man. possibly if i could understand what it means to be a man than i would think like a man and no longer have homosexual desires or thoughts. (probably not the wisest idea i've ever had but its something and it's a start in my actions to healing.) GOD has already begun the work now i am simply trying to step out in faith and open myself up to change. perhaps this topic will die quickly; explode with comments or merely shift into something completely unexpected. all i know is that i am tired of just waiting for something to happen and im trying to do whatever i can to change.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Oct 12th, 2006 01:09 pm |
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Hi Im,
I urge you not to allow the Holy Spirit's conviction to linger as Satan's shame. What is confessed is covered by Jesus' blood, and is forgotten by God.
I'm afraid that I am of no help with your question. You may be familiar with Focus on the Family's Love Won Out program. Perhaps they would have some resources that could help.
http://www.family.org
Praying for the healing of your heart...
TruthSeeker
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imashamed
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 07:45 am |
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the problem that i have is that i allow the conviction to set in, i confess and forsake my sin and then somewhere down the road i allow the lies of the enmy sink in and forget that i don't have to sin and that it is wrong. i don't know how that works but somehow it happens every time. so now i have decided to stop doing things the same way and try something different. as far as the reference to focus on the family.... i don't really trust dobson due to the fact that he is off on basics like masturbation. if a person can say masturbation is alright then how can i trust him on the deeper things. i do appreciate the help though it means alot that you were willing to try and provide some help. GOD bless you bro and all of you who will read this.
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Steve
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 05:29 pm |
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imashamed wrote: all i know is that i am tired of just waiting for something to happen and im trying to do whatever i can to change.
Welcome to the forum!
If you need any help, encouragement or input about how to make that change, feel free to elaborate, share your experience and/or ask questions, etc. Or put another way, here are a couple of questions:
- How have you "waited for something to happen?" Tell us more about that.
- What are the things you know you need to change in order to get free? (And yes, you can get free!)
As for what it means to be a man, it's all about receiving God's grace fully and knowing who I am in Him.
Steve
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imashamed
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Posted: Tue Oct 17th, 2006 08:39 am |
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- How have you "waited for something to happen?" Tell us more about that.
i have been praying since i was a young kid that these desires would go away. although without having christ that was impossible. now that i know christ as GOD and savior i have been praying for HIM to remove these desires and HE has promised to heal me but i have to confess all of my past so that i can move on. my problem is that i can't do that until i find someone i can be transparent with; that has overcome or is in the process of overcoming these things.
- What are the things you know you need to change in order to get free?
i need to find someone my age (26) years or older that knows what it is like to hate these desires and lusts within. that person must be willing to be transparent with me as well so that i know i can trust him. other than that i just need some time and an understanding of true manhood.
thanks steve and GOD bless you abundantly.
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Steve
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Posted: Tue Oct 17th, 2006 05:42 pm |
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imashamed wrote: now that i know christ as GOD and savior i have been praying for HIM to remove these desires and HE has promised to heal me but i have to confess all of my past so that i can move on. my problem is that i can't do that until i find someone i can be transparent with; that has overcome or is in the process of overcoming these things.
Firstly, let me say how wonderful it is to hear that you have given your life to the Lord. Receiving God's grace is so crucial in many aspects ... and He has indeed given you the power to set you free.
I'm also glad you see how important it is to be transparent with others. Indeed, it was only when I began being totally transparent to my counselor, group members and others that I was set free. Actually finding someone and taking the risk at the very beginning can be very scary! Yet I really want to encourage that there are so many resources out there for helping men get free of same-sex attractions. There are a plethora of good ministries that offering coaching, counseling and other resources. There are also some good counselors who specialize in the same-sex attraction issue too, whom I'd be happy to refer to you. (PM me if you like or do a simple web search for something like "Christian counseling+same sex attraction.")
Friend, I hope I'm not being pushy. I just remember when I was pretty much in the same position as you were: Stuck, walking with God, but still knowing I needed to do more with opening up to others. I urge you to not let this run your life any longer. Don't let all that shame keep you stuck to the point that you waste more years of your life bound to this.
I'm telling you ... once you get "on the other side" of disclosing to other caring "recoverities," it becomes much easier. That's been my personal experience, at least.
What do you think? Any thoughts or comments?
-Steve
Last edited on Tue Oct 17th, 2006 05:44 pm by Steve
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imashamed
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Posted: Fri Oct 20th, 2006 08:03 am |
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i think your right but even still it is much easier said than done. every day lately i go into the church telling myself i will confess my problem today; and every day i walk out of the church without saying anything. i know what i have to do but i have not known anything but this since i was five years old. it is not something so easy for me. i'm still learning to trust people enough to open up even the most shallow parts of my heart and confessing homosexual desires is like cutting open my arms and treating it like a paper cut. although with all that being true i know that GOD will not leave me where i'm at and sooner than later i will open my heart even if it means my friendships are shattered and i'm left once again just JESUS and me.
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servant
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Posted: Mon Nov 27th, 2006 05:55 pm |
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Iamashamed,
I have been challenged with the same problem for many years and have some suggestions or comments that might be helpful. Please PM me, brother, and we can dialog. Thanks!
Bill
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mickster
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Posted: Tue Jan 23rd, 2007 05:11 am |
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| i too have never really felt like a man. my biggest issue has been penis size, to put it bluntly. i have never been much into sports and therefore have had difficulty relating to guys. i told me wife last night that when i was a kid i used to think God had planned to make me a girl and then at the last minute changed his mind and made me a boy and my penis didn't have time to grow. i know that's silly but that's how i felt. it's been very difficult for me to get past this. but i know that God sees me as a man. he made me who i am and gave me the body parts he wanted me to have. i realize that there are many people in my life who see me as a man of God and if they were aware of my penis size wouldn't change their opinion of me. i realize that satan has used my insecurities to lead me into same sex attraction. i praise God for helping me not act out my attractions. i'm praying that He will give me victory over my lust and thought life.
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Man
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 02:03 am |
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Hi
It doesn't seem as if I struggle too much with SSA, but I don't feel very masculine and allways been a sensitive boy. I never felt I was very popular among the girls. I think that my mind is girly in many ways, but I am attracted to women, but I am very afraid: What if?, what if? Am I 100 % honest? Maybe I am not honest?
Maybe I need to develop more masculinity?
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May the Lord bless you all!
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junkyardboy
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Posted: Tue Apr 24th, 2007 03:34 am |
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it really is a profound question and definitly deserves our consideration....
fortunately there are those who have studied and written about this very thing much better than i ever could......
"O how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. " (Ps. 119:97)
Godly Man Loves the Word Written:
A godly man delights to walk in this garden and sweetly solace himself. He loves every branch and part of the Word:
1. He loves the counselling part of the Word, as it is a directory and rule of life. The Word is the direction sign which points us to our duty. It contains in it things to be believed and practiced. A godly man loves the directions of the Word.
2. He loves the threatening part of the Word. The Scripture is like the Garden of Eden: as it has a tree of life in it, so it has a flaming sword at its gates. This is the threatening of the Word. It flashes fire in the face of every person who goes on obstinately in wickedness. "God will wound the head of His enemies, the hairy scalp of the one who still goes on in his trespasses." (Psa. 68:21). The Word gives no indulgence to evil. It will not let a man halt half-way between God and sin. The true mother would not let the child be divided (I Kings 3:26), and God will not have the heart divided. The Word thunders out threats against the very appearance of evil. It is like that flying scroll full of curses (Zech. 5:1).
A godly man loves the menaces of the Word. He knows there is love in every threat. God would not have us perish; he therefore mercifully threatens us, so that he may scare us from sin. God's threats are like the buoy, which shows the rocks in the sea and threatens death to such as come near. The threat is a curbing bit to check us, so that we may not run in full career to hell. There is mercy in every threat.
3. He loves the consolatory part of the Word - the promises. He goes feeding on these as Samson went on his way eating the honeycomb (Judges 14:8,9). The promises are all marrow and sweetness. They are reviving to us when we are fainting; they are the conduits of the water of life. "In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul." (Psa. 94:19). The promises were David's harp to drive away sad thoughts; they were the breast which gave him the milk of divine consolation.
for the rest of this great article:
http://a1m.org/page.php?page=template1.php&pageid=15c832bc62a74e4c57dd5b5380171b7b
peter
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have we been abandoned by God?
http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/11/dr_john_macarth.html
http://www.valleybible.net/position_papers.php
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Man
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 07:04 pm |
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Hi guys
Do you have any more help? I feel I have quite a girly mind, insecure. I am 36 yrs old, single man. I can be really afraid for many things. What if SSA, what if, what if?
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May the Lord bless you all!
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 07:39 pm |
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Hi Man,
What, precisely, do you mean by a "girly mind,?"
TruthSeeker
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Man
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 01:23 am |
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I don't know what exactly I mean, but I feel that I am not like a typical man, not interested in motors, cars, technical things..
I am more for nature, culture, human..
Some times I get a little bit down. I don't feel that I am man enough, but inside I feel attracted to females, but I can be afraid. What if I had SSA, what if?, what if? Am I really honest?
Last edited on Thu Apr 26th, 2007 01:27 am by Man
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gaylon
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 02:45 am |
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man wrote: I don't know what exactly I mean, but I feel that I am not like a typical man, not interested in motors, cars, technical things..
I am more for nature, culture, human..
Some times I get a little bit down. I don't feel that I am man enough, but inside I feel attracted to females, but I can be afraid. What if I had SSA, what if?, what if? Am I really honest?
Let me preface my remarks by saying that I do not intend in any way to denigrate men who do struggle with "SSA", but I need to let 'man' know the following:
My young brother, please be reassured - you are fully male, and quite "man enough". You might like to read a book I'm reading, by the same title "Man Enough", by Frank Pittman ($2.00 on Amazon.com). Gave me some interesting insights on the different ways we develop, based in large part on our childhood background. If you're attracted to females, you're attracted to females - and they are not the same sex. Therefore, no SSA. Whatever your personal interests are doesn't determine your sexual proclivities. I know a guy that played football in high school, likes to hunt, and likes to crochet! Go figure ;-) And, it's quite normal and healthy to feel love for men, as well as for women. After all, Jesus loves both genders, I've heard.
Being "macho" is not manhood, though movies and TV make you want to think that. Pittman believes the most manly thing he does is loving his wife and children... I can relate to you though, since I don't think I've ever watched a full ball game on TV, have never played a round of golf, and have wimpy muscles, but don't consider that I have issues with SSA...
Be encouraged, and, as TimM says - "be well"...
--- Gaylon V.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 03:57 am |
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Hi Man,
But have not men been crutial contributors to art, music, literature, theater etc? What if Beethoven had never composed? What if Michaelangelo had never
painted? What if David had never penned the Psalms, or Jesus had never spoken in parables? Please do not let one-size-fits-all media stereotypes cause
you to question the unique interests and talents with which God has created you. Some men and women never marry, but that does not make them less of a
man or woman. It does not mean that God does not have a special plan and purpose for each person's life. Have you ever read and worked through the book
The Purpose Driven Life? That might be a great study to help you in understanding the value of your individuality.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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Man
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Posted: Fri Apr 27th, 2007 03:07 pm |
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Hi guys
There are so many things that I really wonder about. Why are some people born as either female or male? Why do some struggle with same sex attraction...?
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May the Lord bless you all!
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gaylon
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Posted: Fri Apr 27th, 2007 09:49 pm |
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man wrote: Hi guys
There are so many things that I really wonder about. Why are some people born as either female or male? Why do some struggle with same sex attraction...?
Probably no one but God himself really knows the answers to these questions. Each person is born with and/or develops his/her own set of weaknesses and struggles. The idea being that God gives us weaknesses, in hopes that we'll turn to him to be made strong in him. Beyond that, it mostly is just frustrating to contemplate, and is more productive to look for his will for us, and find ways to overcome, with his help...
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geeky_student
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Posted: Sat Apr 28th, 2007 03:05 am |
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the blind man--
so that God's work be done and His glory be shown
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For God, for her, for my parents, for own good.
tip: when tempted, think of God, think of that special someone you love. 
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Man
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Posted: Sat Apr 28th, 2007 12:52 pm |
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man wrote: Hi guys
There are so many things that I really wonder about. Why are some people born as either female or male? Why do some struggle with same sex attraction...?
Hi guys
I meant, why are some people born as neither female or male? androgynous? Why does that happen?
____________________
May the Lord bless you all!
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