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love&hate
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Posted: Fri Jan 9th, 2009 02:25 am |
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I have been thinking for a while on my perspective of women. If you asked me to write
down the top 5 important "attributes" about my ideal woman (prospective wife, i am
single) to be truthful the first 3 or 4 things on my list would be physical relating to looks,
body shape etc.
From a intellectual perspective i know this is wrong. Why would aspects like her faith in God,
love for Jesus, caring attitude, sense of humor, personality and other obviously more
important features not come in the top of the list? As i meditated on this it seemed obvious
that years of pornography and fantasy had warped my outlook on women.
But wait... as i look around me even in Christian circles among "normal" guys i seem to see
much the same behavior being demonstrated. I used to be a member of a very popular
Christian dating site and the profiles of women that i considered to be physically beautiful
had a considerably more views than "average" looking women.
Pretty girls in church don't not appear to remain single for very long as it seems men are
always aggressively pursing them.
In fact when i read the bible of Godly men thousands years ago i see that beauty was a
driving force in which woman to choose to marry. The story of Rachel and Leah is an obvious
example of that, and it is not the only one i think (all though the most obvious)
No one can argue visual stimulation is very important to men in the laws of attraction with
the opposite sex. But is it normal to consider physical beauty as #1 to the reason you are
attracted to a woman as a single guy? That seems so wrong to me however i can't deny
it... that still describes me and i suspect alot of other men that are not even addicts.
They feeling of "love at first sight" from men is simply a reaction to outside beauty. Since
i don't believe this is the most important attribute of a single woman i need to change
my way of thinking... i wonder is it possible? Or am i doomed to feel this since i am a man?
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Jan 9th, 2009 01:28 pm |
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Hi L&H,
Awareness is a great start. I think you are right that appearance is a significant factor in initial attraction, and that is not just for men. Did you ever read a romance novel? Even the "Christian" romances spend a lot of time describing just how handsome that new guy in town is.
There are a few things that I think we should all be on guard against, though. If we would choose appearance over being equally yoked, that would be a big red flag. The other thing is, down the road, everyone ages differently. Child birth can also afect some women's appearance more than others. So the "attractive" person you woo and marry now, may have a different appearance twenty years from now. If the eye starts to wander then, the vow "for better or worse" has been forgotten.
TruthSeeker
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Paulos
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Posted: Fri Jan 9th, 2009 03:00 pm |
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"Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful!" (Song of Solomon 4:1)
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)
Right there, within a few pages of each other, are two verses giving the Bible's balanced perspective on female beauty. It is natural to be drawn to beauty, yet in itself beauty is no adequate basis for predicting marital happiness. Because the man is to take the lead in initiating a relationship, God has designed the woman's appearance to capture his attention. But once into a relationship, deeper qualities should come to the fore as the basis for deciding whether to make a life together.
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CB
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Posted: Fri Jan 9th, 2009 09:13 pm |
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A non-christian college professor once told a friend of mine, "You need to marry a girl for her heart. You can marry the most beautiful supermodel, but after you've been sleeping with her for a couple of months, the importance of her looks fades away."
I agree with what Truthseeker and Paulos said. There's nothing wrong with seeking an attractive woman. But when her physical beauty trumps her character (or a relationship with Jesus), then there's a problem.
CB!
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guitarist63
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Posted: Fri Jan 9th, 2009 10:13 pm |
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There are a lot of beautiful women in my very small church. Post-porn, I don't find that a bother. It's good to appreciate good looks, so long as I don't set it up on a pedestal and make a god out of it. In my dealings with people, whoever they are, I am trying to connect with them, to get to know them better and in pursuing someone for courtship and marriage (when that happens) I'm bound to go much deeper than the superficial appearance - if that courtship is thorough and not so quick that I don't get to know the other person very well. My parents courted for three years before they married. They are still together - getting on now for fifty years. They were both a very attractive couple in their youth, mother especially, but now - they don't look anything like their appearance in their mid-twenties.
Looking around at married couples, I am struck by how in appearance, a couple can be so unlike in shape as well as good looks. Obviously God made people with all manner of appearance and a good many of these are either plain or even ugly. Obviously, therefore, He doesn't expect us to marry for physical attraction only.
Last edited on Fri Jan 9th, 2009 10:20 pm by guitarist63
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Man
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Posted: Tue Jan 27th, 2009 09:22 am |
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| But I guess physical attraction is not only objective? Some people might like one and other like another?
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue Jan 27th, 2009 06:53 pm |
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Yes, Man, you're right. The person - the character of the person is what should attract the most. If that person also has good looks or tolerably good looks - that's a bonus.
Last edited on Wed Jan 28th, 2009 11:53 pm by guitarist63
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Man
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Posted: Tue Jan 27th, 2009 09:44 pm |
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guitarist63 wrote:
They are still together - getting on now for fifty years. They were both a very attractive couple in their youth, mother especially, but now - they don't look anything like their appearance in their mid-twenties.
I think it was just interesting what you said about your mother..
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue Jan 27th, 2009 11:08 pm |
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Hi Man. Even after all these years, her looks are there still, although obviously age has altered them.
Last edited on Wed Jan 28th, 2009 11:53 pm by guitarist63
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