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LindaBeans
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 16th, 2009 |
| Location: | Nuevo Leon, Mexico |
| Posts: | 12 |
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Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 05:58 am |
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I had an abortion about 6 months ago. And even though i ask god to forgive me for this grave sin i made. I still feel guilty... i feel the pain in my stomach at times. I can't sleep very well and when it has to do anything with abortions, even the word, i cry painfully.
Has god really forgave me for this sin? I killed a baby... is he really going to forgive me for that? I know this is against his word. I know this is not Christian like...
I was going through so much, my emotions weren't balanced anymore. I couldn't tell from right to wrong. I was so confused and i had already hated myself as a woman. With a sex addict for a fiance and a family that won't give me support and strength and love i needed from them. I used whats always keep me from dealing with my emotions. I drank myself to death. I drank and drank, hoping that this way i could forget all the pain from the person who i loved but didn't returned it to me and just like my family who i loved and didn't returned it back. I drank. I drank also because i was raped at the age 5 and because of that i couldn't have kids. And when i thought i was pregnant i was scared but happy because i though i was going to finally have a kid. But when my test came out negative, it just made me think how things would of been different if i wasn't raped. Everything was so wrong. I was depressed and going crazy. A few days later i had pain at work and passed out. They told me to go to the hospital after they left me leave and i went to the doctor. From there i discovered i was caring a dead fetus inside me. I was one month pregnant. The dead fetus was hurting my body do they had to do an abortion to get it out of me. I was being raped again. They where taking away something precious to me again. I hit rock bottom after that. I was scared to talk. I was stun with myself. I hated myself. I hurt someone. A baby. I still hate myself...i really really do. How can god forgive me for something like that? How!?
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Ask questions and live through the answers.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 12:38 pm |
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Oh, Linda, precious daughter of God, you have not caused the death of your child. Basically your body mis-carried the pregnancy, but not completely. If the baby's dead body had been left inside of you, you could have gotten a deadly infection. They call it an abortion, or D&C, but this was no elective abortion. No forgiveness is needed, because you did nothing wrong. If you had cancer that would kill you if left in your body, you would never think of it as sin to have it surgically removed. The baby, as you have said, was not alive at the start of the procedure. It is much more accurate to state that you have had a mis-carriage.
That being said, I am so sorry for your loss, especially on top of the hope that the diagnosis of being unable to bear children was mistaken. I hope and pray that in God's time, in marriage with a healthy believer, that you might be able to carry a child to term.
It is completely expected to grieve the death of your child. Sometimes local hospitals will have support groups for people who are grieving pregnancy and infant loss. I was 37 weeks when our son was stillborn. There was a malfunction in the placenta and it stopped providing him with oxygen. It is so heartbreaking to so want a child, and then not to be able to bring him or her home.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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TM2
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 473 |
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Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 04:08 pm |
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What truthseeker said. You would bury a child who was dead. You have done something similar with a child already dead and not yet born. There is no wrong here.
That doesn't mean one doesn't hurt and grieve. Of course one does. May you find comfort. But may you also not take on yourself guilt where there is none.
Tim M.
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Devastated Wife
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| Joined: | Fri Jul 17th, 2009 |
| Location: | Pittsburgh |
| Posts: | 555 |
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Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 08:11 pm |
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Truthseeker and TM2 are right. Your baby had already met the Lord before the procedure began. You didn't commit any sin. You received necessary healthcare, not an elective abortion. Please don't feel guilty, but do seek support for your loss.
Praying for you.........
My best, Devastated Wife
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My best, Devastated Wife
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