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Kaykez
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| Joined: | Tue Jun 16th, 2009 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
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Posted: Fri Jun 19th, 2009 05:02 pm |
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Hi, my name is Kristin, I'm 21, from Ohio. I never really thought that I had a problem but I'm noticing that I'm constantly asking for sex, so much that it's annoying my husband. I've been sexually active since I was 13, and I never really went out looking for sex, just attention. But when someone did try something with me, I found it impossible to say no. I have PCOS, a condition that messes with my cycle, and lowers my levels of female hormones, so I have to take birth control with high doses of female hormones. I've been taking them for about 3 months and I'm going insane. I'm very emotional and I constantly need someone to talk to, at least but the whole time, no matter what I'm doing, I have sex on my mind. It's making me miserable. I've always been good to my husband, until a few weeks ago, I got weak and started getting sexual with guys online. I never had intentions on meeting these guys, but I did need some type of sexual attention, I was so desperate it's crazy. I can't expect my husband to give it up anytime anywhere, so I just don't know what to do about this.
Every quiz thingy that I take online says that I have a serious problem and I should seek help, but I wanted to know what you guys think.
here's an example.- 1 Have you made a promise to others to stop a problematic sexual habit and then broken that promise? Yes No
- 2 Does your sexual behavior often leave you feeling anxious, guilty or ashamed? Yes No
- 3 Have you repeatedly broken commitments in your relationships by having sex and/or affairs with others? Yes No
- 4 Do you often feel driven to engage in sexual behaviors or activities even though you know they are not good for you? Yes No
- 5 Do you fantasize or think about sex so often that it interferes with other areas your life? Yes No
- 6 Does your sexual behavior often leave you feeling hopeless or depressed? Yes No
- 7 Have you attempted to stop or reduce a troubling sexual habit or behavior and been unable to? Yes No
- 8 Does your job suffer because of your sexual activities or behavior? Yes No
- 9 Do your sexual activities cause you to have a secret life that is hidden from those closest to you? Yes No
- 10 Does your sexual behavior ever create significant financial problems for you? Yes No
- 11 Has someone told you that your sexual behavior or habits are excessive, inappropriate, or out of control? Yes No
- 12 Has looking at pornography become excessive or problematic in your life? Yes No
- 13 Have you ever sought professional help for excessive, problematic or habitual sexual behaviors? Yes No
- 14 Do you frequently seek out sexually-oriented businesses (phone, stores, entertainment, online, escorts, etc.)? Yes No
- 15 Has visiting sexually related sites on the internet become a habit that is hard to pull yourself away from? Yes No
- 16 Are your relationships with family and/or friends suffering because of your sexual habits? Yes No
- 17 Do you engage in excessive masturbation to the point of harming your health, emotional well being, or relationships? Yes No
- 18 Is anonymous sex with others a frequent activity you seek or one you periodically engage in? Yes No
- 19 Do you consider your sexual behavior or habits to be excessive, inappropriate, or out of control? Yes No
- 20 Are you especially excited by sexual behavior that includes a risk of being caught? Yes No
- 21 Could your sexual behavior or habits result in you being arrested or having legal problems? Yes No
- 22 Do you repeatedly risk your health by engaging in high-risk sexual activities or behaviors? Yes No
Level of Concern for Sexual Addiction and Problematic Sexual Behavior: Substantial Concern
Thanks!
____________________
"What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself." ~ Thomas Sprat
♦Kristin♦
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TM2
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 473 |
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Posted: Fri Jun 19th, 2009 05:47 pm |
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Kristin,
Welcome!
I won't vote in your poll, because it's not my job to diagnose others.
Sometimes, though, people get too hung up on the word "addict". It sounds like you believe yourself to have a sexual problem, no? If that is so, then solving that problem is important whether or not you wish to call it an addiction.
For me, the real decisive moment in describing myself as an addict came when I did two things. I took the quiz at http://sexhelp.com/, written by Patrick Carnes, the foremost expert on sex addiction, and it came back showing something like a 96% probability that I was. Also, I read the AA Big Book and thought, "Wow! Those people are just like me! Of course, they're hooked on alcohol and I'm hooked on porn, but every aspect of their behavior makes total sense to me. These are my people."
Do you have thoughts as to how you might proceed in addressing your problem? I do lots of things, but the centers out of which everything else grows are professional counseling and 12-step support. Depending on where you live, there may be SLAA, SAA, SCA, and SA meetings locally. There are also online meetings, among them the chat meetings at http://slaaonline.org/ and http://internationalslaaonline.org/ . The online meetings have a fairly large number of women.
May you find peace!
Tim M.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Fri Jun 19th, 2009 09:02 pm |
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Hi Kristin,
I agree with Tim that I am not qualified to diagnose addiction.
Two things jump out at me, however. Seeking sexual activity or virtual contact outside your marriage is definitely a problem, but in addition to tackling that I would have a serious discussion with my physician, if I were you, about the side-effects of that medication.
I urge you to be honest with your husband and enlist his involvement as you seek answers to this sudden change in behavior.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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Devastated Wife
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| Joined: | Fri Jul 17th, 2009 |
| Location: | Pittsburgh |
| Posts: | 555 |
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Posted: Wed Jul 22nd, 2009 12:48 pm |
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You mentioned in your post that you are taking birth control pills to treat PCOS.
PCOS is caused by insulin resistance and is often treated with metformin.
I think you need to see your OB/GYN and explain what is going on ask if a change in
your pills would help.
I think you should also see an endocrinologist, perhaps a reproductive endocrinologist
and be 100% honest with him/her about what is going on. I'm not trying to justify or
rationalize this, but it sounds as if hormones may be driving part of this. Please seek
the advice of doctors who treat hormonal disorders--endocrinologists.
____________________
My best, Devastated Wife
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KevinesKay
Member
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Posted: Wed Jul 29th, 2009 04:04 am |
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Welcome Kristin,
Glad you are here and thanks for sharing.
I think its wonderful that you're starting to look at this while you're still young. Most people don't consider getting help until they are twice your age. You've got your whole life ahead of you.
Being part of a local support group would be very effective. Its quite common for people to avoid looking at themselves as addicts. However, if you are, then the sooner you admit it, the better it will be for you. This crucial first step is often the most difficult. At least it was for me.
Going to a 12-step support group was amazing and cool. I finally got somewhere in my growth when I embraced the first step with delight. I am a greatful recovering "sex" and "love" addict; that my life had become unmanageable.
What concerns me most about your behavior is that your doing some very destructive things to get what you "need" (i.e. sex, attention, etc.). It sounds these things were negatively impacting your life before you were taking hormones, but the high doses your taking could easily compound your situation.
Bottom line is to honestly answer to yourself if your an addict. If you're not a sex addict, at least consider if you're a "love" or attention addict. These other addictions may not have such a negative stigma, but are often just as destructive, and tough to deal with. Blessings to you.
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InnerGold
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Posted: Fri Jan 29th, 2010 04:58 pm |
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Kristin, this question is asked more and more, because everyone has a different opinions, it is difficult to get a straight answer. InnerGold has been treating sexual addiction issues before it became a buzz word in the media. Gordon, who is the founder of InnerGold wrote an article all about this. You might want to read it. It is a very good article. http://www.innergold.com/addict.cfm
In this article he lists these common signs and symptoms of sexual addiction:
Common Signs and Symptoms of Pornography/Sexual AddictionDisengaged
Not fully present when with others
Exhaustion – both physically and emotionally
Feel like two different people
Secret behaviors
Embarrassed about personal behaviors
Deliberately vague: Omit facts, distort truth when questioned and stay out of the light.
Avoid direct questions
Tend to isolate
Easily frustrated
Use anger as a weapon to control others
Low self-esteem
Build up self by putting others down
Fatigue
Foggy mind
Attempt to change the subject and confuse by introducing irrelevant material.
Agree without commitment (say ‘yes’ without any commitment to it)
Claim to be changed after doing the right thing only briefly.
Accuse others of misunderstanding.
____________________
Changing the World One Person at a Time - Gain hope, confidence and long-term sobriety. http://innergold.com
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