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lonely1
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 9th, 2009 |
| Location: | South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 49 |
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Posted: Sat Nov 14th, 2009 10:47 am |
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My H will be attending his first SAA meeting today. While I am very happy he's finally going to get help I am very worried about it being a mixed men & womens sex addicts group.
Just wondering if I'm being dumb or selfish in feeling like this or if maybe I do have a valid reason. I guess I just feel like ok, they have a sex addiction problem and I'm sure it's usually the men thinking of the women and the women thinking of men so why would they put them together in a group. How about if the men start thinking of someone in the recovery group in a sexual way or vice versa?.
I guess I feel as if maybe that's asking for trouble with such a strong addiction to break.
Thanks for listening!
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TM2
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 473 |
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Posted: Sat Nov 14th, 2009 04:22 pm |
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Mixed meetings are common, though in the SAA meetings I attend, practically all the members are male.
Mostly, this seems to work pretty well, though it depends on everyone's commitment to recovery. For me, the problem is mostly porn, and I find sex with other people frightening, and so I don't think there are severe risks. For those whose acting out behaviors involve multiple affairs, it has to be harder. It's clear that getting involved with someone from the meeting is a huge no-no, but I have witnessed people engaging in what seemed to me to be unsafe behavior with one another.
In fact, I've benefitted a lot from having women in meetings. It's a chance to interact with women in a deep way but not a sexual way; and let's face it, women are a lot more articulate and in touch with their feelings than men, so I have learned a lot about how to feel from female addicts.
Bottom line, I guess: If mixed meetings were generally unsafe, then they wouldn't exist; but in fact they are common. Mostly they work, but there are violations. How worried one should be depends in part on the particular behaviors of the addict in question, and on how far you trust him to be both committed to his own recovery and honest.
Of course it's reasonable to worry. Probably it will be fine.
Tim M.Last edited on Sat Nov 14th, 2009 07:04 pm by TM2
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InnerGold
Member
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Posted: Fri Jan 29th, 2010 05:05 pm |
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Lonely,
When we have our group sessions we always separate the men from the women. There are many who find it helpful and enjoyable to have a mixed meeting. We have also seen it be a huge trigger. Have open communication with your husband and just listen.
Many spouses struggle because they are looking for support themselves. I would encourage you to go to a women's group to learn what is helping others. Also, learn what is helping to open the channels of communication.
This book called, The Language of Recovery is helping to give additional support to spouses.http://www.scribd.com/doc/24484049/The-Language-of-Recovery
____________________
Changing the World One Person at a Time - Gain hope, confidence and long-term sobriety. http://innergold.com
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