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Keith7
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Posted: Tue Jan 26th, 2010 07:36 am |
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Everyone has a different story. Some of us are free, and some of us are still going through the struggle - that describes me. I think for those of us who are still in the struggle, it would be helpful to hear from those who have overcome the struggle. I understand that some hold the belief that "you will always be addicted", yet I also think about the words of Christ,
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)
At times, its difficult to balance Scripture and psychology, but I think its always important to look back at what Scripture says - we truly can say no to sin - no matter how powerful the lure of sin, we don't have to give into it, and remember that God will always provide a way out.
Unfortunately, I'm someone who has given in too many times to count, yet the truth of the matter is that if I really really really want to, I know that God will, and has given me the power to say no. Knowing that fact and living it, however, seem to be at odds with one another, but I think that if we NEVER give up hope, no matter how many times we have failed, God will set us free. In fact, I believe every time we repent of our sin, we are set free by Christ, but its up to us to choose to do what is right from that point forward.
Ok, so all theological and psychological arguments aside, does anyone have any stories they are willing to share about how God set them free? Or, do you know of someone else who was set free?
In saying that, I understand that the Bible says,
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" (1 Corinthians 10:12)
So, even if you know that you have been set free, you may also realize that you are still human and are therefore, still sinful, and as a result, are always on the lookout for sin, and that's a good thing - its easy to fall when you get over confident (perhaps that's when psychology and Scripture are in agreement with one another)
.......but I still want to hear from people or about people who have been set free! ;-)
Last edited on Tue Jan 26th, 2010 04:09 pm by Keith7
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TM2
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Posted: Sun Jan 31st, 2010 01:30 am |
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I hate to leave this sitting here unanswered, because that makes it seem that there is no hope. That's nonsense, of course. People recover from addictions every day, including this one. I know people from my SAA and SLAA meetings who have been sober for pretty extended periods of time - 10 or 20 years. I can't claim anything like that, but the not quite 5 years I've been in recovery have been years of new life and of blessings I could never have imagined. Those 5 years have included slips, and I haven't been sober anywhere near that long at this point; but I am learning a new way to live, and my life is immeasurably improved. At the same time, I believe that for me, the possibility of falling back into my old ways will always be there if I stop actively working recovery, just as the possibility of having more heart trouble will always exist if I stop actively taking care of my health through exercise and good diet and medications and so on.
I haven't replied, though, because it's not clear to me that my experience or that of my friends meets your criteria. I and we are grateful recovering addicts, but none of us would be so bold as to claim we were free forever if we were to stop working the program.
I also don't have anything earth-shaking to report by way of method. Our addiction is like any other addiction. It's about fear and shame and hiding, isolation and resentments and the mad quest for an imagined control. One gets better by surrendering to a higher power, by becoming open and trusting and present with God, with the people around one, and (hardest!) with oneself. For me, that's happened through the 12-step program, through counseling, through prayer and meditation and journaling, through honesty and transparency with the principle people in my life.
Before getting into recovery, I made a bunch of common mistakes. I tried to get better alone. I tried for control. I tried for strength. I viewed my problem exclusively as one of sin and ignored the fact that it was also psychological illness. I thought I had faith when in fact I had only intellectual belief - deep and subtle and educated belief, but not the surrender I needed to find in steps 1-3. Recovery has required a radical rethinking of who I am, of my relationships with others, and of how God acts in our lives.
But all this is just what any addict does. Our recovery is nothing special.
I'm rambling, probably; so I'll quit. This post probably doesn't meet your needs. You're looking for a perfection in recovery I've needed humbly to relinquish. But I don't want the silence of people who fall short of the ideal to send the false message that there is no hope. There is enormous hope. By the grace of God and through the support of our fellow addicts and others, we can find new lives. We only have to change one thing - everything. But that's possible, and people learn to find that change every day.
May you also find peace.
Tim M.
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jaybaines30
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Posted: Sun Jan 31st, 2010 05:08 am |
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I do not count someone fully recovered from addiction who "slips" or "relapse". I do not believe I have met anyone who overcame a sex addiction and havn't "sliped" or "relapsed" besides me of course. I havn't 'sliped/relapsed" becaues I overcame sex addiction correctly rather than relying on 12 steps, therapists, I overcame my sex addiction 15 years ago on my own. It took me years to figure out the information to overcome my sex addiction, but let me tell you it was all worth it. Now I help others to overcome their addiction(s) including sex addiction. For detailed info on how a sex addiction is overcome visit my webpage http://www.addictioncontrol.blogspot.com Thanx I hope this helps.
Last edited on Sun Jan 31st, 2010 05:11 am by jaybaines30
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TM2
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Posted: Sun Jan 31st, 2010 11:27 am |
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jaybaines30 wrote: I do not believe I have met anyone who overcame a sex addiction and havn't "sliped" or "relapsed" besides me of course. . . Now I help others to overcome their addiction(s) including sex addiction.
It sounds like you're saying that your clients, unlike you, all slip and relapse. Is that really what you mean? It doesn't sound that encouraging.
Obviously slipping and relapsing are common in recovery, but I do know people who have hit bottom, quit, and never acted out again. More importantly, I also know lots more folks who have struggled at first, but who have now been sober for many years. This is a lot more common than your quick summary suggests.
At the same time, I freely admit that my own recovery has included slips, and that while I aspire to have many years of continuous sobriety, I do not at this time.
Tim M.
Last edited on Sun Jan 31st, 2010 11:42 am by TM2
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jaybaines30
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Posted: Sun Jan 31st, 2010 04:38 pm |
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| No I was talking about just this fourm TM2
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TM2
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Posted: Sun Jan 31st, 2010 10:46 pm |
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Thanks for the clarification.
In any case, the central message from both of us remains, I think, the fact that sex addicts do find new lives of serenity and peace all the time, whether or not there are members of this rather depleted board who can tell that story perfectly, as I cannot.
Tim M.
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Keith7
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Posted: Mon Feb 1st, 2010 06:43 pm |
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Tim, thanks for your response - keep up the good fight!
Jay, I checked out your website, and didn't really see any "detailed info" on how to overcome an addiction. There was plenty of information about why its important to overcome an addiction, why some programs don't work, why some counselors aren't competent, and a little insight into understanding addiction, but I didn't really see any useful, practical information that people reading this forum can apply to their lives to overcome their addiction, other than to get competent counseling, which of course, you offer.
Having said this, do you have any insight you can share with this forum on how you overcame your own addiction, and how you help clients overcome their addictions, that isn't posted on your website?
For those looking for some solid information about how to overcome an addiction, I did find innergold's videos to be very informative - you can view them here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/innergold1000#p/u/8/ft_ILdp4qlg
Last edited on Mon Feb 1st, 2010 06:46 pm by Keith7
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Devastated Wife
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Posted: Mon Feb 1st, 2010 10:39 pm |
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Keith,
I'm just the wife of an addict, so I'll gladly exit quietly if you'd prefer, but I found "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken to be very good. It explained the origins of addiction, and the progression in a manner that made sense to me.
I also read "Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction" by Mark Laaser: http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Wounds-Sexual-Addiction-Laaser/dp/0310256577
I read it expecting to find healing hints for the wife, but I found healing hints for the addict as well as some additional information on the genesis of the addiction and references to scripture. The first book I referenced by Craig Nakken is only 120 pages and a quick read. The second is more like 200 pages and more in depth, but worth the read.
Hope it helps.
My best, Devastated Wife
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My best, Devastated Wife
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InnerGold
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Posted: Mon Feb 8th, 2010 08:58 pm |
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One of the first things to help many start to overcome any addiction is to separate the addiction from the person. Here is what I mean, there are two main parts of the brain: prefrontal cortex (logical rational thinking) and limbic system (survival). "IT" the limbic system wants you to view porn (participate in the drug). You, the person you are, a child of God, does not want to view porn. You are an amazing wonderful human being that has many talents and gifts to share with the world. "IT" wants you to view porn and give into the natural man.
Many in early recovery demand that such triggers and feelings completely go away and believe that the triggers and feelings must go away before their actions can change. Much experience has taught that attempting to deny such triggers and emotions will only tend to make them become stronger, because of how the Midbrain works. Anyone who has been addicted in the past will have cravings and feel like acting out from time to time. Learning to accept these emotions and feelings as a normal part of life gives you the freedom to let them go.
Letting go of the past is a very challenging and difficult thing to do for addicts. The memories of past addictive behaviors will flood the mind from time to time and leave in their tracks feelings of guilt and shame. Staying with these feelings will keep one stuck in the addiction. You must accept the reality of your past behaviors. You cannot change what has already happened, but you can learn not to get stuck in the past.
Here is an actual dialogue we had with one of our clients
Therapist:
“Joe, how many attempts have you made to completely destroy your addict?”
Joe:
“Hundreds.”
Therapist:
“How successful have you been in these attempts?”
Joe:
“I’ve never been successful for long.”
Therapist:
“Is there some new way that you haven’t already tried that makes you believe that you will be able to destroy it once and for all?”
Joe:
(Long Pause- with a pained look on his face) I’m so frustrated and angry about this, I just want IT to go away. I will do anything to make IT go away. I don’t want to go through these cycles any more. I’m tired, frustrated, and angry, I want to destroy IT. I’m so tired of fighting IT all the time. IT never seems to leave me alone.”
Therapist:
“Joe, the only way that I am aware of that will take IT’s power away, is for you to accept IT for what IT is. It is in your attempts to control what you have no power to control that is creating such stress and anxiety in your life, which only makes your addict stronger. Paradoxically, the only way to defeat your addict is to stop fighting it. What I am talking about is the concept of surrender. You are surrendering to the fact that IT will always be there, not that you will give into IT’s demands. When one fully grasps this surrender concept, it is like a conversion experience. It is like being free from your addiction for the first time. It is coming to fully accept that it is silly to always be fighting with something that you cannot defeat. It is like you are in a boxing ring with a professional boxer. There is nothing that you can do to out-box him, but watch his face as you turn and walk out of the ring. The addict doesn’t know how to handle a situation like that because it thrives on fighting. IT can scream and taunt you from inside the ring but IT can’t hurt you anymore because you are outside the ring. All the screaming and yelling from the addict are empty threats and can have no power over you unless IT somehow gets you back in the ring. The thing that will get you back in the ring is your belief that you can crush IT and conquer IT once and for all.”
I hope you can pull value out of this to help you in managing your addiction.
____________________
Changing the World One Person at a Time - Gain hope, confidence and long-term sobriety. http://innergold.com
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Hawkeye
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Posted: Mon Mar 1st, 2010 08:49 am |
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Thanks Innergold for the excerpt...You're absolutely right...I've been trying to come to grips with the presumed fact that I'll always be fighting it, but if I surrender and walk away, not surrender and walk forward, perhaps that is where victory is found...Wouldn't that be nice.
I'm one of those people that ya'll sadly see often...Sign up in another brazen attempt to fight, only to fall back in to the quagmire of sin and shame. I flamed out on this site several years ago...Stated my resolve to quite, went to a meeting, once, and fell right back in again. I'm so tired of fighting, that now I hardly feel LIKE fighting. I have all this Christian head knowledge, but I have no will to fight sin anymore. I'm simply starting to give in altogether. 14 years of this is too long. If I don't get a handle on this eventually I will lose everything in my relationships. Perhaps I already have and I just can't see it yet.
The real question is, how do all of the long-time members have the energy to keep answering guys like me? Guys who write a long detailed sob story about their life and how they've done wrong...That's me. I was supposed to be the guy who had done it right...Married my first love, saved myself for marriage...Outside I look good, but inside I'm filthy rags. I now have 3 young daughters who depend on their father to raise them the way that God would want them to be raised, and yet their father is ill-equiped for the challange...Totally rotting inside, getting just a little mentally sicker each and every day.
The only reason why my life is not in total ruins now is because of the complete prayer network of family and parents that my wife and I have...Otherwise I feel as though my sin would have taken me to a dark hotel room somewhere long ago. I have no needs in my emotional relationship with my wife, and yet the darkness compells me, draws me somehow. I believe I was once a Christian, but now I am not so sure...
And now I have given my brief sob story. I seek hope...something to hold on to. I want to know Jesus, but has he already forsaken me? Several years ago, I felt as though I was really making this work...I had an accountability partner, working through scripture, praying every day. And then one afternoon, I got bored. At the critical moment, I felt as though I had total and complete control. No drive, no nothing. And yet, I choose to look, to act out. I felt as though something snapped in me that day. As if the connection between me and God was broken...I can't explain it.
Yet, somehow, occasionally I pray, and God still answers my prayers, inexplicably. How is this possible. Why would God answer my prayers in spite of all my sin?
I'm very sorry for the long e-mail, and I'm probably in the wrong thread. The question ultimatly remain...Can ANY MAN claim victory over porn and masterbation before death overtakes him? Will this insurmountable battle continually rage without relief?
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truthseeker
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Posted: Mon Mar 1st, 2010 01:45 pm |
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Hi Hawkeye,
Please read John 17:15. Jesus never abandons those who have confessed him as Savior. He prays for you as in this verse. Only the "evil one" seeks to destroy that relationship, to make you ineffectual for the kingdom.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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InnerGold
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Posted: Mon Mar 1st, 2010 04:46 pm |
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Hawkeye,
Can ANY MAN claim victory over porn and masterbation before death overtakes him?
The short answer to this is .... YES! We have seen many people learn to manage their addictive behavior some who have been addicted for more than 40 years. You are not alone on this fight. Unfortunately, part of the healing and recovery process is slips. Understand, I am not condoning slips but it is part of the recovery process. What we do with these slips and how we process them is what makes the difference between progressing towards recovery or setting up for the next relapse. I would encourage you to listen to our weekly boosts at http://helpforpornaddicts.com. We talk about a concept called acceptance and surrender. Listen to it and you will realize what I mean about processing slips.
You are not lost. You are never lost! You may have wandered off of the path but you are not lost. The best way to explain this would be, when your children mess up, do you hate them or despise them or do you love them?
You love them and encourage them to be better. You provide what support you can and you let them know you are always there. Our Heavenly Father is just like you in his love. He wants you to be the best and is there to help you as much as He can. He wants the best for you and is there to love and support you. He has put people in your life that will help and encourage you.
He will never leave you! You are special to Him.
Will this insurmountable battle continually rage without relief?
No...! We have seen many people feel like there is no hope but realize there is. You need to learn the Language of Recovery! It is a process that you implement into your life. It is not an event that you complete and are done for ever, it is a process.
I invite you to watch a presentation on the two-part brain, which will help give you an understanding of what is happening in your brain and why you are having such a struggle. Your friend in recovery, InnerGold. http://innergold.com/pptVideo.cfmLast edited on Mon Mar 1st, 2010 05:22 pm by InnerGold
____________________
Changing the World One Person at a Time - Gain hope, confidence and long-term sobriety. http://innergold.com
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