Wont Discuss it
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claire
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Joined: Sat Feb 20th, 2010
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Mana: 
  Posted: Sat Feb 27th, 2010 02:35 am
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Last edited on Tue Mar 2nd, 2010 09:01 pm by claire
TM2
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Joined: Thu Jan 8th, 2009
Location: Rural Midwest, USA
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Mana: 
  Posted: Sun Feb 28th, 2010 07:03 pm
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Somehow I missed this post a couple of days ago.

I guess at least he's being honest in saying he's not willing to give up the porn.  He's probably also being honest in saying he can't promise not to do it.  That's how addiction works.  We can't just will ourselves to quit.

But look, people who want to get better recover from addictions of all sorts every day.  He's no different from the rest of us in that regard.  Why he can't recover is because he isn't willing to do whatever it takes with other people in order to recover.

That he can manipulate you into apologizing is pretty sad.  Our addictions have nothing to do with our spouses.  I was addicted before I met my wife.  I was addicted courting my wife.  I was addicted married.  Had we separated before I hit bottom, I'd have been an active addict after the marriage.  So how can my wife be blamed?  The same goes for you, IMHO.

Tim M.
InnerGold
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Joined: Mon Jan 25th, 2010
Location: Pleasant Grove, Utah USA
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Mana: 
  Posted: Mon Mar 1st, 2010 05:01 pm
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Claire,

You are not the problem. He is responsible for his own actions. You are not forcing him to do anything. He is choosing to participate in this behavior.
This is a common question we receive, "Am I not available enough for my spouse or giving them what they want?"

We asked this question to Gordon, founder of InnerGold and responds here: http://helpforpornaddicts.com/q-a-sexual-addiction-not-spouses-fault

Again, don't beat yourself up, he is making his own decisions.

Now on a different note,
he says I just cant possibly understand and says he cant promise not to do it.

This is because he has trained his brain that he needs porn for survival and he does not know what to do. He may have tried to stop but he is trying to force it. Like anything, the harder you fight against it the stronger something may get but once an addict realizes that he is going to be dealing with this for the rest of his life and learns how to implement the Language of Recovery in his life. It is not an event, it is process and a way of life that many world-wide are finding long-term sobriety.

Last edited on Mon Mar 1st, 2010 05:02 pm by InnerGold



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