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| Moderated by: truthseeker, bil4913 | Page:   1 2 |
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| Injuries | Rate Topic |
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| Posted: Sat Jan 7th, 2012 10:50 am |
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21st Post |
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Man Member
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For me it is difficult to handle experienced offences, and I think that can be quite much. I.e it can be difficult to read and hear other peoples speach or "talking". I can think that they are doing wrong and it can irritate me, and I can want to fix them or confront them and so on. Maybe I get much fixing back because I have a fixing mentality towards others? (I think this is more a general question. Please don't answer it if you don't have any constructive to say.) I don't know. Best regards
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Sat Jan 28th, 2012 02:09 pm |
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22nd Post |
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Man Member
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I really don't know how to deal with when I feel other people boast. It makes me irritated, and I don't know how to deal with that, but again I am not here to be fixed. I do it my way. I think that no other man can change the inside of me? The Higher Power might do it? I don't know how to deal with my own feeling of frustration. I am not really sure how to handle experienced offenses. That is not an invitation to fix me. I guess other people can't fix me. Best regards Last edited on Sat Jan 28th, 2012 02:13 pm by Man ____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Mon Jan 30th, 2012 09:42 am |
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23rd Post |
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Man Member
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As far as I can see, when people want to inspire, help and so on or giving others hope or whatever, isn't it all manipulation? If the intention is to change other? If one person is just himself and lives his/ hers life and other get inspired by that, but that person doesn't try to inspire, to be great in other peoples eyes, then it might be okay?
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Mon Jan 30th, 2012 01:44 pm |
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24th Post |
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Man Member
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Or "Experienced offences" might be a better Heading for this Thread. "Experienced offences" can be different for different persons, I guess, but how to handle them in a good way? Experienced offences; What can that be? It could be that I feel small, not valued, not respected, not accepted or maybe I in this Thread as well shall talk about how to handle fear.. If other people choose to focus on others; Giving advices, "helping" others and so on I might get some fear that I will not get the space I need to be me. I am sorry that I might seem unsecure and having many question-marks and for that reason maybe confuse you; Sending out a message; I want to be fixed. So please refrain from giving advices and instructions and so on, but if you can recognize something so feel free to share about yourself or ask questions to me so that I can feel seen, valued and respected, not feeling that I am fixed like a thing. Of course it is my responsibility to not receive offences, but I might not be good enough to that, so I tell you how I think I want it. I might not be clear enough what I want and what I am allowed. Because my self-esteem is destroyed, I might believe that I am not allowed to anything, put up boundaries and so on..., but I am not really sure why I think like that.. I am not sure if it is about self-esteem or what it is. I might have quite weak "I-power", the right to be me. I might not believe in it and practice it. Maybe it has been destroyed as a child. I don't know. And I might have some ocd-thoughts, anxiety, and I might need to endure a little bit pain to grow. I am not really sure.
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Thu Feb 2nd, 2012 07:02 am |
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25th Post |
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Man Member
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To not feel that I am valued might also be an experienced offense? I felt that recently in a 12-step-meeting. I guess it might be important to find out what is the problem? And the problem is mine, I think. I the one that does not feel valued for things that I feel that I have done. What is the solution to my problem? I guess it is not to blame others? It is to acknowledge how I feel, and from there might find some solutions? I am sorry that I write so much in questionmarks. That does not mean that I want to be fixed. It could be that I am often insecure or not 100 % sure about things. If I get fixed, I feel that I am like a thing that needs to be fixed, and then I feel isolated, sad and so on maybe.
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Fri Feb 3rd, 2012 09:53 am |
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26th Post |
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Man Member
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Wonder if there can be so that if I find it difficult to let go of things in daily-life that might seem small, there might be so that I haven't let go of other bigger things from my past. Actually I am angry on my parents or other things when it seems that I am angry on others.. Don't want to be fixed. Please be polite! Best regards
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Sun Feb 5th, 2012 08:26 pm |
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27th Post |
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Man Member
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"To help" others and eperienced injuries might be about the same...? It might be fixing, and that might be an experienced attack. How to deal with this? Not quite sure. It might not be my strongest site to handle attacks... or experienced attacks
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 12th, 2012 12:09 pm |
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28th Post |
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Man Member
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I think that for me is it an experienced offense when people try to "help" me/ fix me. Wonder how to deal with that. Hmmm... Insight might help a little bit? Knowing that other people are not allowed to go inside my boundaries and knowing how to protect my boundaries. To see more clearly might help. How to see clearly? Maybe to purify myself? Get wisdom? Believe in something? What is my responsibility? What is others responsibility? And acting upon that. Real help for me might be that other people model a role-model: Going in front? Modelling something? Acting right? Confront? Put up boundaries? and not fixing me. That is manipulation, isn't it? If I want to fix and change other people, I am manipulating, right? It's selfish-ness; I want people to be the way it suits me: It's all around me, instead of letting them be themselves, what they want?
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2012 04:51 pm |
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29th Post |
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ashamedhusband Member
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If at any time I feel offended/hurt, I have to look inside to determine where those feelings are coming from. I've realized that in any of those circumstances I've validated another person power over me, and I've given into my own selfish desires to feel "wronged". Today I can choose who I want to listen to, and who's advice I wish to follow. However, if left to my own devices I will typically make a bad decision. This is why I seek the counsel of several people who I feel are wiser, older, and are living a spiritual lifestyle that I would one day like to have before making any decisions. Yes, as a result, life moves at a slower pace - but given the rate at which I was plummeting to my death, I am grateful for the opportunity God has given me to slow down and appreciate the wisdom and insight I gain from being patient.
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2012 08:27 pm |
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30th Post |
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Man Member
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So, Ashamedhusband, how has your life improved if you want to answer??
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2012 09:05 pm |
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31st Post |
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ashamedhusband Member
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Well, my wife and I are spending more time together now than we have at any point in our 2 1/2 year marriage. We are still living separately but I don't have to act out anymore because of it. I cut off a potentially disastrous affair with an ex-gf, I'd nearly traveled to my home town just to sleep with her before realizing how terrible of an idea this was. While I hurt her feelings in the process of this, I ensured that it would be a very long time before she'd ever attempt to contact me again. But that's just scratching the surface. I can actually have a conversation with God - in my morning meditations and evening prayers - I'm not afraid to speak out loud to proclaim my humility or express my hearts desires. I can bury my face at His feet begging for forgiveness in front of other men - other men who share this addiction and aren't afraid to admit it. It's only been 6 weeks since I've admitted my powerlessness, I'm still only on my Step 1 biography, and I last acted out 4 days ago to thoughts of my wife. I realized how this was wrong, because I haven't earned the right to think of her in this manner. My addiction shamed and destroyed our marriage - I must regain her trust, and her affections before I can entertain thoughts of her in our marriage bed, let alone reoccupy that bed. I'm perfectly content today with the idea that I can no longer masturbate one day at a time. I've given up all my addictions to God and have nothing left to hide before Him or my peers. My wife knows of the frequency I would MB, and my chemical dependency near the end of our co-dependent, and co-addicted marriage. My wife is in recovery as well, having admitted to co-dependency and is seeking help with her issues also. We are beginning our relationship anew, with our focus on God rather than on each other. I can tell you that it's nothing short of amazing.
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2012 03:20 pm |
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32nd Post |
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Man Member
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Maybe I have so kind of social disorder or something like that. It seems it is difficult for me to relate to other people in short normal meetings when practical things shall be done, like borrowing a book on the library, fetched printed things and so on, paying in the shop; I think I get a lot of anxiety, but I am not sure why. Maybe I should go to some anxiety-groups? Just a sharing.
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2012 05:42 pm |
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33rd Post |
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TM2 Member
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Have you worked at all with a local counselor? In the past, you've described your behavior as OCD-like. Now you're talking about anxiety. Not being psychological professionals and not knowing you in person, it's hard for the people here to reply in very useful ways. It might be, though, that someone who does have professional skills and who has the chance to meet you in person might be able to help suggest possible directions better than folks here can. I think the questions you're asking are quite reasonable. Tim M.
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2012 07:32 pm |
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34th Post |
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Man Member
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TM2 wrote: Have you worked at all with a local counselor? In the past, you've described your behavior as OCD-like. Now you're talking about anxiety. Not being psychological professionals and not knowing you in person, it's hard for the people here to reply in very useful ways. It might be, though, that someone who does have professional skills and who has the chance to meet you in person might be able to help suggest possible directions better than folks here can. Hi Tim Thanks for asking, but I think I will not answer it here now. I want to be friendly. I don't know how I can be as friendly as possible, but still be clear about that I will not answer them here now? A little challenge to you: When you write: "Not being psychological professionals and not knowing you in person, it's hard for the people here to reply in very useful ways. " How do you know about the other people here? Thanks
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2012 07:51 pm |
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35th Post |
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TM2 Member
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I don't. You're right. It's just a guess. I think your reply is perfectly friendly, and it's obviously completely appropriate for you to say you'd prefer not to answer. Cheers. Tim M.
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2012 07:55 pm |
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36th Post |
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Man Member
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Thanks, but thanks anyway for asking.
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19th, 2012 09:12 pm |
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37th Post |
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Man Member
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TM2 wrote: you'd prefer not to answer. Thanks for that. Maybe you had a better way to express it: To prefer Maybe that was more friendly. Maybe I can always be better in expressing myself. Thanks
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20th, 2012 01:54 pm |
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38th Post |
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Man Member
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I am not really sure why I share the things I share here, but it could that it is a way to keep myself busy (better than acting out?) or/ and it could be a way to get in touch with myself? If I have a problem, it might be more clear if I share it with someone? If I have a problem, I might start with defining it and admitting it, and it might help me to both define and admit if/ when I share it with someone/ write it down?
____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20th, 2012 02:54 pm |
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39th Post |
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TM2 Member
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I certainly learn what I'm thinking and feeling by talking about it with others or by writing it, either with pen and paper or in discussion groups like this one. Tim M.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20th, 2012 04:05 pm |
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40th Post |
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Man Member
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Still actring out maybe... Thanks for sharing Tim. It might make me feel not so lonely.. Last edited on Tue Mar 20th, 2012 04:06 pm by Man ____________________ May the Lord bless you all! |
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