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| in over my head | Rate Topic |
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28th, 2007 06:19 pm |
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1st Post |
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Kitana Member 
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Hello everyone. I am here to introduce myself to you. I am 26 and have been married for 10 years this May. I have masturbated since before I knew what it was called. After I got married I haven't had to masturbate unless it was a foreplay event with my husband. I have only had vaginal intercourse with my husband but we didn't wait until marriage. About 7 years ago we got into watching porn. I have stuggled with this for the last 3 years and have managed to cut it out of my life. However I think that I have replaced the watching of porn with actions. About 3 years ago we began visiting strip clubs. Where I was the main show if the guys could get a stripper on me then everyone was happy. Then we had sex in the same room as 2 of our friends and I slept with a girlfriend of mine. Then this last year I initiated a three way with a male friend of ours and my husband. This has happened twice now with 2 different male friends of ours. My husband and I have always talked about everything. He says that we both consent to this and neither of us are jealous or angry about it so its fine. I know that it is wrong. I always end up with a guilty conscience and thinking never again. He says if I dislike it so much than we will just stop but since I start it it is up to me to stop it. All of the sex happens if I drink and so I have desided to not drink when we go out. But I have thought this before and never been able to carry through. It always feels so good at first but the next day the guilt and condemnation creap back up. I really need someone to talk to every now and then to keep me accountable. I go to church and am actually a leader there. I am so afraid that if I admit to something like this to get help that I will have ruined my ministry. I feel trapped with no one to talk to. I found this site by God's help and I am hoping that someone can honestly talk to me and help me through this.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28th, 2007 06:53 pm |
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2nd Post |
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truthseeker Administrator 
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Hi Kitana, First of all, remember what a loving, gracious, and merciful God we serve. In Him you have the strength and power to be free of this sin and build a Godly marriage. Just two days ago I came across this article. I am certain that I was led to it for you. What is Not Okay in Bed? By Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/article_673.php Is your husband a believer? If he is not, that is one problem. If he is, he is supposed to be the spiritual leader of your home and shouldn't leave stopping this up to you, which means he is just as ensnared in this sin as you are, but you already knew that, didn't you? As is often said on this board, it is not how close to the line of sin without going over that we need to determine, but how far away from it we can stay, how close to God we can get, how closely we can conform to the image of Christ. It is not a question of drinking when you go out, it is going out at all, and with whom you are associating. If any of the people with whom you and your H have been involved also attend your church, it is time to change churches. If not, it is time to start making friends at your church and have NO further contact with "friends", better known as stunbling blocks, like them. I am probably stating the obvious when suggesting STD testing for you and your H, and, even if negative, using maximum protection even with one another for six months, then test again. I hope you are in an area where you could each join a support group. Christian counselling is also a good idea. If you relinquish your ministry in order to take time to heal and get your home in order, I'm sure God will honor that, not to say that you would resume the same thing, but that God always has work for willing hands and hearts. Praying for you... TruthSeeker
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| Posted: Thu Mar 29th, 2007 08:38 pm |
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3rd Post |
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junkyardboy Member
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dear kitana, since reading your post a few days ago i have been in tears and prayer for you. this is the same situation my first wife and i found ourselves in many, many years ago. we also engaged in these types of activity and even after stopping when we became christians the damage had been done and i was never able to completely surrender my heart to Jesus for a renewing of my heart and mind. while i was outwardly showing a christian face to the world, even interning for the ministry, my heart and mind were filled with the darkness of this sin. i would continuously bring fantasies into our bedroom and since my marraige was now built on forbidden and degrading sex it wasn't long before it failed. know this please, God is not mocked and that which is done in secret will soon be revealed to the light. that light brought about 25 years of church discipline, a divorce, the death of my second wife, unbelievable pain and relationship problems for 6 children and so much more. limits in space, time and the protective mechanisms of the mind prevent me from truely expressing the pain and damage my sin caused. please, please kitana in the name of our beloved Saviour, flee from this immorality and do what you must to spare yourself the horrible pain to come. there is hope and peace and love and rest at the cross. it has taken all these years for me to know the full power of God's grace. my heart has been renewed by His faithfulness. you need not condemn yourself and your family to the same and with a repentent heart you can know the joy of your salvation. kitana, you are beloved by the most holy and rightous God who gave His only begotten Son that we may be co-heirs with Christ in the glory to come. i pray He gives you just a taste of that glory now. peter
____________________ have we been abandoned by God? http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/11/dr_john_macarth.html http://www.valleybible.net/position_papers.php |
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| Posted: Fri Mar 30th, 2007 06:32 pm |
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4th Post |
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Kitana Member
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Yes my husband is saved. He is not where he needs to be and I am praying with a group of us about it. As for our friends. Well niether of them are saved or even in the same city as us. The first which happened 9 months ago is now married and has a baby. We talked to him about it and he said that he was sorry it had happened and he hoped we could all get past it. He was raised in a Holiness family and still holds a lot of that in him. The other which happened about 3 months ago is still single and we rarely even see or talk to him. Both incidents were me giving them oral sex which I am thankful it never went past that. We haven't been to a strip club in over a year and I stopped watching porn 6 months ago. My husband still watches some but much less now that I don't watch them with him. Thank you for the article. I am saving it. I think more than anything I am just wanting someone to know and care enough to check in on us every now and then for support. Last edited on Fri Mar 30th, 2007 06:33 pm by Kitana |
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31st, 2007 08:09 pm |
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5th Post |
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mkap60 Guest
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I'm praying that the Lord intercedes in your marriage and gives you great strength as you commit to being clean. May your obedience to the Lord be more powerful then your obedience to your husband. I pray that your Husband will breathe in the lord and have the strength to give up his bondage to sexual sin. May the Lord keep you safe and saturate your marriage with his sweetness. God bless, ps to all. I have made most of my postings as forthelord33. I'm having significant log in/account problems so sorry for any confusion.
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