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abelian
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| Joined: | Thu Oct 9th, 2008 |
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Posted: Thu Nov 13th, 2008 06:08 am |
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Hi,
I was addicted to porn but thanks to the Lord's discipline have been set free from my addiction.
There are times when I slip up and the temptation to view erotically arousing material (like on wikipedia!) gets the better of me, but I can't do it for longer than a few minutes before feeling terrible and stopping.
However I have a much more subtle problem now.
My body and mind are healing from the abuse brought on by my past and as such my natural desires are being restored. I feel, pardon the phrase, like a man again, except that my desires feel pure and clean, i.e. they are not directed towards lustful things, but more a manifestation of general vitality.
However there are times when I slip up and I start to think lustful thoughts: of the girl I like, of some woman that I saw on the train today etc. And it immediately feels like I have sullied myself. If I continue entertaining the thoughts, on the one hand I become excited, but on the other the pure, strong "desire" becomes weakened.
I'd like to request for prayer that the Lord teach me how to discipline my desires, that instead of shutting them off or using them for lustful ends, they may be cleansed and purified and that somehow, they will serve Him and point to His glory.
Thanks! And I would appreciate any advice regarding regulating one's thought life.
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amor
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| Joined: | Thu Aug 21st, 2008 |
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Posted: Fri Nov 14th, 2008 02:02 am |
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Hi Abelian,
I am so happy to know that you have been set free from your addiction. Rest assured that you will be in my prayer list.
Continue to grow in God by reading His Word and communing with Him through prayer. Let His words sink in and be implanted in your mind and heart.
Phil. 4: 6-9
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
In Christ,
Amor
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Paulos
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Posted: Fri Nov 14th, 2008 05:26 pm |
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Hello, Abelian.
Your question is important for anyone who is single but of marriageable age (is that where you are?). The Bible clearly lays out two alternative mature sexual states: some receive the charism of marriage and others are given the charism of a cheerful celibacy (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). But the Bible doesn't have much to say about the process of personal growth that leads into either of those states. What should be going on in the mind, the imagination, the desires of a single person who is making the transition, under God's providential guidance, from celibacy into marriage? The problem is especially acute for us in the western world where we have to cope with a period of dating and courtship prior to marriage, without necessarily much oversight from our parents or family, a concept that was unknown in the ancient biblical cultures where marriages were arranged.
Jesus wants us to understand that an act of adultery begins with the intention of the heart and not only with physical contact (Matthew 5:27-28). Does that mean a single man must feel soiled if he notices a woman who is sexually attractive at the visual level? On the one hand, it is surely possible to fall into lust by gazing alone. On the other hand, what will move a man to invite a woman into dating and courtship if he never notices her potential sexual charms? How will a Platonic friendship ever become a romance if both parties rigidly repress the element of sexual attraction? Clearly there has to be a dynamic region between the stark alternatives.
One might put it this way. Is a bridegroom supposed to become aware of his bride's sexual attractiveness on the wedding night for the first time? Is there to be a sudden reversal from pushing that element into the subconscious, to grappling with the fact that both are sexual beings? I doubt if that's what Jesus and Paul are saying. Otherwise who would get married?
The Song of Solomon is emphatic about modesty and chastity until marriage (e.g., 2:7; 3:5; 4:12; 8:4, 8-10). At the same time, there are passages wherein one lover or the other entertains wishes or dreams that intensify desire for the beloved (e.g., 2:6; 3:1ff.; 4:9, 16; 5:2; 6:4-5 etc.). Some degree of sexual understanding simply must precede sexual experience.
One rule of thumb I tried to apply before I got married (I've been married now for 20 years) was this. Any thought or fantasy that results in sexual arousal of a sort that can only be satisfied by sexual activity is to be nipped in the bud. Luther said you can't stop birds flying over your head but you can certainly prevent them making a nest in your hair.
Last edited on Fri Nov 14th, 2008 06:24 pm by Paulos
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