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Bradley
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Posted: Sun Feb 22nd, 2009 03:47 am |
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I am dealing with a lot in life right now, I mean all of my sexual issues, and on top of that there is a bunch of stuff going on with my family. I always feel like a disappointment to my family and feel bad because coming out of high school I had so much potential to do something with my life, but I just couldn't deal with the stress of my family problems and college at the same time so I had to drop out of school. Soon after dropping out high school that's when one of my friends brought me to Christ and ever since than it seems like being a christian is a full time job for me. I see now all of the things that I have done wrong and continue to do wrong, and I see all of the things about me that I need to change.
I first started asking God to just take me from this life and let me start over somewhere else a few months ago. There has been two things that hove come up since then that I honestly though were God answering my prayers.
One was when one of my friends from gaming sent me a text one day asking me if I would be interesting in becoming his apprentice and get a job with him in Texas because his company (contract company) was being assigned there and they needed a few extra people. I thought it was amazing, my friend is an electrical lineman and after talking to him one day I looked up what a lineman does and I knew from that moment that I would love to be a lineman. I had asked my friend once or twice before that if he could find me a apprenticeship and he always said there weren't any available at the time. That job in Texas would have been amazing, I would have had my dream job, been away from my family, have met one of my best friends in real life for the first time, and my friend was supportive of me being religious. He said he would take me to church every sunday (something that I ahve wanted for awhile). Well about two weeks before my friend and I were to fly to Texas the job fell through. I was heartbroken, I mean I had literally had dreams of having a a job like that and I truly believed God was pulling the strings and I would be getting a brand new start.
The other time I had thought God was answering my prayers was when I was talking to my best friend on the phone and he said that he was thinking of asking one of his friends if I could come and stay with him, and my friend asked me if I was interested. I said yeah, in my mind though I was thinking 'wow God is answering my prayers, I was literally dreaming about something like this happening'. Well my friend hasen't mentioned his friend since so I guess his friend said no, it's disapointing, but at the same time I shouldn't have expected anything.
I know I have a problem with getting my hopes up, I have problems sleeping so usually if there is something that I am really excited about I will stay up thinking about what it will be like for hours. I know what you are all going to say about me trusting people I don't know, but honestly I trust these people with my life and I believe God brought both of them into my life.
I guess I have just been hoping that another opportunity like those two will come up again and I will actually get to get away. I feel like the last 20 years of my life I have just been digging myself a hole and right now I want o get out of it, but am stuck. I have been praying for God to be my escape and take me from this place and give me the opporunity to start over. I have always been one to dwell on the past and define myself by what other say and by my failures and not my successes. I would love to get away because it would make me feel better, but I truly think that me getting away will help with my issues. I have OCD and I am afraid of change I belive that me leaving here and going to a completely different place will help me over come those issues, and also it will take me out of routine and that should help with my addictions.
So what do you all think, am I just crazy or what?
I ask for your prayers and support,
Thank you.
Bradley
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'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --' Ephesians 2:8
'For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.' James 1:3
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sam
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Posted: Mon Feb 23rd, 2009 11:55 pm |
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no bradley,
you aren't crazy.... however, what i am fixing to say is totally because of my being a mom. my son is about your age and i can't help but go into mommy mode here ;0) sorry.
first off, i am positive that you are not a disappointment to your family. listen, you were under tremendous amounts of stress and you dropped out of school. not the best move in the world, but certainly not the end of your potential. not hardly!
right now, things are very hard for our country financially. my job has been affected, my husbands, and many more in my little community. i think that things are going to be rough for a while actually. anyway, you are so young. you have your whole life ahead of you. take the bull by the horns, man! this is your time to shine. your time to prepare for an awesome future. don't let it slip away! i am begging you, get yourself back in school. whether it be in a community college for the first couple of years, or if you go off to school. there are so many ppl needing jobs now, finding a good one is going to be hard. however, if you go to school, do however long you need to follow your heart, then by the time you get out, the economy should be much better and you will have gotten the degree that you need to actually get a job that you will enjoy.
sorry, i really am not trying to be bossy... i just want you to understand that you are the only one who can make the decision to do whatever you want to do with the rest of your life. you have to power in your hands. now, i do have a pretty good job. i have a great boss. but, i am not doing what i had dreamed i would in life. i work all week, day in and day out... doing something that i don't have my heart in. boy, what i would give to be able to go back in time and get the degree i needed to follow my heart! trust me, you don't want to be in your 30's wishing that you had done things differently.
oh, and don't focus on the past. i really think that god wants you to focus on your future. first off, your future with him and the gifts that he has given you. he made us exactly how he wanted us. he wants you to use your talents and gifts for his glory. when you dwell on past mistakes, you are only listening to the things that the evil one wants to use to keep you down. don't let him. your a great guy and will one day make a great husband and father. hang in there.... life is worth living to the fullest!
i am praying for you.
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Bradley
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Posted: Tue Feb 24th, 2009 12:17 am |
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Honestly I don't know what my talents or strengths are, I have never been the best at anything and it seems like the things I enjoy are the things other people hate. School right now is out of the question, no money or transportation. All my life I have conformed to peoples expectations and their ideas of whats best for me. I am trying to live for myself now, and I think me getting away will be the best way to break free and start living for myself. It's pretty sad when the one person that supports your religious beliefs and seems to understand you lives over 800 miles away.
I actually spoke with one of my moms coworkers on Friday and her and I are friends and I have told her about what I am going through (she is the only person that I have told about my struggle with masturbation and thoughts of men to, I might not have gone in depth and told her everything about those issues, but she knows the basics) and she said that I need to stop living for everyone else and live for myself and be happy. She told me that the next time I talk to my friend Rich I need to ask him if he can help me find a place to stay and tell him that staying where I am now is not making things easier.
It sounds easy to talk to your best friend about something like that, but since I haven't met him and we talk maybe once every month and a half it's hard to really open up to him as soon as he calls. Also I was raised in a family where you never invite yourself, you always wait for someone to invite you. I don't want my friend to feel bad and make me come and stay with him. I was thinking this morning and the more I have told him about my struggles the more he has sort of pushed away.
I would be nervous to meet him, he is the only one that I have told pretty much everything about me to and I wouldn't want to see a side of him that changes how I think of him or him see the real me and him not like it.
____________________
'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --' Ephesians 2:8
'For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.' James 1:3
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sam
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Posted: Tue Feb 24th, 2009 01:02 pm |
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when i was your age, my family was very poor. in fact, that it why i had to go live with my uncle in the first place. my family lost everything they owned in the world and that was the only place i had to go. the thought of my going to college was crazy as far as i was concerned. at least i thought it was. i had no idea that there were student loans, grants and such. besides, i married young. it wasn't until i was a married woman that i found out that college was achievable and by that time, it was almost too late. i had a child, i was a wife, i had so many responsibilities. i still managed to go to school with the support of my hubby. sadly, the things that i had dreamed of were out of my grasp as far as college, but i did at least get a good enough education that i was able to land a pretty powerful position in the company i work for now. yet, i still long for the career that i feel god has designed me for... in fact, with everything going on with the economy like it is, i plan on going back to school full time if i do happen to lose my job. of course, if i lose it, my family will be financially ruined, but that is the way it is. so, i have to make the best of whatever comes my way.
i really encourage you, bradley, to go to school. trust me, it is a must. not only does your future depend on it, but your wife's and your children do too. you really need to think about that. i understand your need to escape the family situation that you are in. what better way to escape than to go off to school? you will be killing 2 birds with one stone. i know, that brings us back to the financial situation... you can get student loans, man. there are grants out there to be claimed! i hate recommending that you go into debt, but think about this, there are certain careers that you could go into that when you sign on with a company, they will pay off your student loans. in a time such as this, there is no excuse to not go to school. there are too many options out there. as far as transportation is concerned, most schools that you go to require you to live on campus anyway for the first few years. no need for a car. you could even get a job near the campus and earn a little spending money on the side and buy a car.
ok, that's it. i have said all i need to about this. again, i am not trying to be bossy, i just wish that when i was your age, someone had really encouraged me to go to school. if so, my life would have been so different right now. of course, i would have still chosen my husband and the life we have together, but i would have gone and gotten the degree i really wanted. it would have taken longer, but i am 36 now and i would have finished it up long ago, even going to school part time. life is too long to live with regrets.
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amor
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Posted: Tue Feb 24th, 2009 10:44 pm |
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Hi Bradley,
I agree with Sam. You are still young and there are a lot of things, good things for you to experience and to enjoy. We have a God who is so good. Just be patient. Try to check if there are scholarship grants, student loans or may be try to ask your parents if there is still a way for them to help you. Or get a part time job. Pray for it. Will pray for it. And do your part to check and explore on how you would do about it.
Remember "an idle mind is the workshop of the devil".
Make use of your time fruitfully and productively for the Lord. You see "time" is a precious commodity. Whatever is your decision today will determine your future. I advise for you to make the right choice.
Just to add some points. I firmly believed that our God never changed and I am sure He wants the best for you. That is His plan for each of His children. All we have to do is to obey Him completely. I always tell this to my kids that "OBEDIENCE is the key that unlocks God's heart." Sometimes its really hard to obey because we insist our wants and desires but if we obey God I am sure that He is mock concerning His promise. He will accomplish His promises to us. He is not a man like us that He should lie. Trust His word.
Praying for you.
Sis. Amor
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katcarving
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Posted: Sun Mar 1st, 2009 11:43 pm |
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snow, i think you need to deal with what ever it is you want to run from , then go on to next thing,
our fear will control us , so take a charge on whatever it is you want to get away from then , go for it ask god for a new line of work,
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Bradley
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Posted: Sun Mar 1st, 2009 11:50 pm |
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My problems are my family. I don't like my dad and he doesn't like me, but my mom likes my dad (why? IDK, he is a alcoholic and can't keep a job for more than a month) and when he is around my mom acts differently. I have told her many times that I don't like him being around and that she is different when he is around and she pretty much tells me to deal with it. I want to have a family later in life, and I am someone that likes people to lead by example and my 'father figure' is a person that I want nothing to do with. The closest thing I have had to a example is a friend that lives like 700 miles away that I have never met, just talked to. I want to break free from this life I have, it's been 20 years and it only seems to get worse. I want to just leave my life behind and start over somewhere else.
____________________
'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --' Ephesians 2:8
'For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.' James 1:3
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amor
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Posted: Mon Mar 2nd, 2009 03:16 am |
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Hi Bradley,
Just an advise. Better that you deal with your problems now with God's help rather than run away from it. It will haunt you later because they are unresolved.
I am not saying that they will go away or vanish immediately. God allows suffering in our life. We only have to accept it with complete obedience and trust Him for the results. I firmly believed that HE feels each pain and sorrow but He permits them to teach us lessons, to mold us in the image of His Son, to prepare us for a ministry. Trust Him. He knows what's best for us.
Do you think if He removes you from your present situation it will help you learn that He is all sufficient for all your needs? Why not allow the process of shaping and molding by our divine Potter you will find joy as you face each circumstance in your life.
In closing I want to share with you this thought:
When everything goes wrong PUSH,
When you wish for something PUSH,
When people don't understand you PUSH,
when you wish for love PUSH,
Pray
Until
Something
Happens.
God said: If you never felt pain, how would you know I'm a Healer,
If you never felt sadness, how would you know I'm a Comforter,
If life is perfect will you still know Me?
May you always find strength in God's faithful promises. God's promises are always Yes and Amen!
In Christ love,
Sis. Amor
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truthseeker
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Posted: Mon Mar 2nd, 2009 05:46 pm |
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Amor, those are beautiful thoughts/truths.
Bradley, you are blessed to have come to know the Lord at a fairly young age, and be letting Him help you to break free from addiction. Have you considered what circumstances, not that they excuse the addiction, may have lead to your father being trapped in alcoholism? Do you suppose there could be any similarities to the feelings that made you seek escape in sexual addiction? Just something to think about...
TruthSeeker
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truthseeker
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Posted: Mon Mar 2nd, 2009 06:20 pm |
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H Bradley,
You might also find this article very relevant to your circumstances.
Healing Father Wounds
TruthSeeker
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katcarving
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Posted: Mon Mar 2nd, 2009 07:01 pm |
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BRADLEY, I UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR DAD , MY FATHER TOO WAS AN ALCOHOLIC, AND HE BEAT MY MOM , AND THINGS WERE ALWAYS WORSE WHEN HE WAS SOBER, IT IS A CURSE , IT IS HORRIBLE FOR KIDS TO TRY TO LIVE A LIFE WHEN. THEY HAVE NO GUIDANCE , AND LOVE THEY SO NEED TO GROW AND DEAL WITH EVERYDAY LIFE OCCURRENCES,
BUT KNOW THIS, TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME, READ THE WORD OF GOD, AND TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND, YOUR DAD IS SICK , YOUR MOM IS STRAPPED BUT LOVES HIM, TAKE FOR INSTANCE MOST PEOPLE IF THEY HAD WON THE LOTTERY WOULD ETHER BE HAPPY OR LEAVE EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE MONEY , BUT MAYBE THATS NOT GODS PLAN, AND THE LIFE THEY CHOOSE IS NOT WHAT YOU WOULD CHOOSE,
SO YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR LIFE AND LOVE OTHERS AS GOD WOULD, SO LOVE YOUR MOM AND MAKE YOUR CHOICES WISE , READ THE WORD , AND TRY TO LISTEN TO YOUR DAD EVEN THOUGH YOU FEEL BAD TOWARD HIM , WHAT IS NICE WE CAN TAKE ADVICE BUT WE CAN LEAVE ADVICE , YOU DON/T HAVE TO ACT OUT WHAT SOMEONE ELSE IS FEELING
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katcarving
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Posted: Mon Mar 2nd, 2009 07:12 pm |
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| I WILL ALSO ADD, WHEN MY DAD WAS 65 HE FELL SICK TO CANCER, GUESS WHO HE CALLED ON FOR MORAL AND SPIRITUAL SUPPORT , YEP ME, BECAUSE I WAS STRONG IN THE LORD I LEAD MY DAD TO CHRIST , IT WAS SOMETHING I NEVER THOGUTHT I COULD DO AND TOTALLY SURPRISED ME WHEN MY DAD ASK ME FOR HELP AND I THOGUHT HE KNEW EVERYTHING OR WOULD NEVER COME TO KNOW THE LORD, HE WEPT IN MY ARMS AND DIED, I WEPT , WE WERE BEST BUDS WHEN HE DIED , AND I MISS HIM TERRIBLY , YOUR DAD IS THE ONLY DAD YOU WILL HAVE , AND STOP AND THINK , HE MAY HAVE BEEN TREATED THE SAME WAY, LIKE YOU HE MAY HAVE WANTED TO RUN, I DID WITH MY DAD, BUT LET ME TELL YOU IT ONLY MAKES YOUR LIFE WORSE TO TRY AND FIND FAMILY IN STRANGERS , SURE IT MAY LOOK BETTER BUT LIVING WITH SOMEONE ELSE IS FINDING OUT WHO THEY ARE , YOUR DAD LOVES YOU BUT BECAUSE HE NEVER WAS LOVED MAYBE , HE DOESN'T;T KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT, SO YOU SHOW HIM AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL , ASK GOD FOR THAT HEART TO HEART YOU NED TO HAVE WITH YOUR DAD , ASK GOD FOR GUIDANCE THE MOMENT YOU TWO TALK AND WATCH GOD CONTROL THE CONVERSATION, I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU FINDING THE LORD , I WISH I WOULD HAVE AT YOUNGER AGE, BECAUSE EVERYDAY WHEN I GET OLDER I REMEMBER MORE WHAT I DID THEN THEN THE DAY BEFORE, AND GOD SHOWED ME, HOW WE TREAT PEOPLE WILL BE THE ULTIMATE REWARD CO,MING TO US IN HEAVEN
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