TM2
Member
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Welcome, pasco!
Those first steps can be incredibly hard - first sharing in a place like this, first contacting a counselor to work on one's compulsive sexual behavior, first walking in the door of a 12-step meeting and saying, "Hi, I'm Tim, and I'm a sex addict," first sharing with one's spouse, one's friend, one's kids.
After all, addiction, this addiction especially, is all about hiding, all about isolation, all about shame. We've hidden because we know that no one will love us if we show ourselves as we are, that exposure is such crushing shame that we might as well die, that only when we hide can we be safe.
But you know what? I've taken all those first steps, and a lot of other people have taken all those first steps, and we haven't died. Instead, we've learned that we can take all those steps and find at the end love and acceptance, and that we can let go of the burden of secrecy.
One of the first people I shared with in person, maybe the first, was a counselor who had been a professional colleague for many years. Telling my story to a colleague, a woman, a friend, admitting the shame and immaturity of my actions, which seemed hardly fitting for a middle-aged professional, was incredibly hard. But when I finished my story, there was a long pause, and she looked into my eyes and said softly, "It must have been hell," and when I left her office, she hugged me.
I'm ready to tear up writing this seven years later. Hearing that acceptance, that care, meant the world to me. It was the start to letting go of the burden of shame I had been carrying for maybe 45 years.
So we know how scary it is to start to share. We also know how important it is, and how deeply healing. We're only as sick as our secrets, the program slogan says; it' not accidental that SAA's sobriety tokens say, "From shame to grace."
So welcome! You honor us by sharing; I'm honored to be the first to reply. I hope you'll share more when you are ready.
Peace,
Tim M.
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