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Englishman
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| Joined: | Tue May 18th, 2010 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: Thu May 20th, 2010 02:59 pm |
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| Thankyou to Blazing Grace. After much soul searching and reading the site over and over again, I took the step of revealing my struggle to my Pastor. We are setting up accountability, installing blocking software and identifying the danger moments during the week when I am at my weakest. I can text him at these times to get me through and so he can pray. I was first exposed to porn at the age of about 9. I am 41. It's been a long life sapping experience and there's still a way to go yet. May God bless and strengthen us all!
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TM2
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 473 |
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Posted: Thu May 20th, 2010 10:03 pm |
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Welcome, Englishman! You're getting serious about recovery about 10 years before I did. Good for you!
Accountability and understanding how your ritual works are great things, but I don't think they're the whole story. We also have hard work to do uncovering the roots of our addictive behavior so that we can find what we are really seeking when we look at porn and learn to meet those needs in healthy ways. After all, we're looking for freedom, not a lifetime of continued fighting.
Just how it seems to me, of course.
Tim M.
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Englishman
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| Joined: | Tue May 18th, 2010 |
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Posted: Fri Jun 4th, 2010 08:53 am |
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| Thanks for that. The plan with my pastor is to work on shutting down, limiting my weak areas of exposure, get some perspective on this issue and then look at some root causes. It's strange that I have a good idea what they are, but never felt like drilling down into them and deal with them. Cheers for your support.
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TM2
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 473 |
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Posted: Fri Jun 4th, 2010 02:21 pm |
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A big part of my own recovery has been learning to greet my fears with openness and enthusiasm. Ah, I'm frightened. Excellent! Here is something more that I can walk calmly toward, explore, understand, feel, and let go. Here is something more that is holding me captive that I no longer need to run from.
And I certainly understand the experience of discovering things that one realizes one has always known but never admitted.
For me, the 12-step program has been another useful framework in which to engage in this process with the help of other addicts who have been there too. All of SA, SAA, and SLAA exist in England; SAA has the most meetings, especially in Greater London. I can't imagine where I'd be now without that program. Let me know if you're interested and have trouble finding meetings.
Tim M.
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Englishman
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| Joined: | Tue May 18th, 2010 |
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Posted: Tue Oct 12th, 2010 03:43 pm |
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Hi
It's been a few months since I posted. I have been meeting regularly with my Pastor for a "checkup". Things have gone reasonably well. Still struggle with looking at women on the street and thinking the wrong things. Work is stressful and porn was always a place to go to escape. I don't do that now but at those moments I can feel like a caged lion, pacing the floor unable to focus or concentrate on anything. Deceiving myself that I am denying myself a "pleasure that is rightfully mine". I feel incredibly sad at the state of my heart at those moments. On the upside I believe God is speaking into my life about good things and giving me glimpses of what I can be. If I'll just let Him in, give it all over on a daily basis. The journey continues.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Tue Oct 12th, 2010 04:43 pm |
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Hi Englishman,
It's good to hear of your progress. Thanks for stopping by with an update.
TruthSeeker
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