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pashrun7
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Posted: Fri Mar 6th, 2009 10:50 pm |
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I have recently asked the Lord to enter my soul and cleanse me. I pray that my sins will be forgiven. I have always been tempted by porn and have committed adultery on numerous occasions. I have been married for almost 14 years. My wife has always been there for me. She is a Christian. She has always prayed for me and I have ignored it. I have never seen porn and cheating for the destructive sins that they are. I have destroyed my marriage and lost the closest person to a best friend that I have ever had. I am learning to trust in the Lord that he will guide me and help me see and understand the power that he holds. Raised outside of the church, at 38 years old I am learning what it means to be live a Christ centered life. I have 3 boys and do not want them to make the same mistakes that I have made.
I have come clean and admitted to her my cheating. This the second time that I have been caught. The first time she was devastated. She forgave me and she is destroyed. I have been a liar and cheat my whole life. I have opened up my heart to Jesus and pray that he protects my wife from my sins.
Tonight she told me that she now has 2 free cards. She is planning on paying me back by sleeping with another man tonight. I have been praying that she is guided my Lords word and does not make the same mistakes that I have made. I understand if she does, but I fear the devil will pull her down to wear I have been. I must pray on this.
Sorry for being so long winded. Not used to speaking from the heart and being honest.
Jesus please heal my wife's heart and protect her from sin.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Mar 6th, 2009 11:03 pm |
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Hi pashrun7,
I am praying with you and for you and your wife. Yes, the pain is intense, but compounding it with additional sin will not bring healing.
TruthSeeker
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pashrun7
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Posted: Fri Mar 6th, 2009 11:37 pm |
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Thank you for the support. I need to know. New to trusting in the lord's ways. No matter what, I'm in this for the long haul.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Mar 6th, 2009 11:53 pm |
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Hi pashrun7,
People, even those we love and trust the most, may always disappoint us, but God never will. His biblical plan for living this earthly life may seem constraining, but it is my experience that when I live my life God's way that peace and joy are my companions.
I hope and pray that your wife does not turn her back on God, just as you are meeting Him.
TruthSeeker
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john
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Posted: Sat Mar 7th, 2009 12:01 am |
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Welcome to the community, pashrun7. I can feel the pain in your post. It always saddens me to see the depths to which sexual sin will take us. It always takes us further than we ever thought it would and the consequences are worse than we ever thought they could be.
I don't have any words of wisdom for you at this point. I don't make a habit of giving unsolicited advice. Rather, know that you are not alone in your struggle. You have a place here you can share what's on your heart and receive prayer and encouragement.
Just remember one thing...God's love toward you and your wife is perfect. His heart is to heal you, heal your wife, heal your marriage and restore what sin has robbed from you.
I can promise you one thing...the road of recovery is long and painful. You deserve to know that up front. But I can also promise you that it is well worth the effort!
Blessings,
John
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pashrun7
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Posted: Sat Mar 14th, 2009 04:30 am |
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It has been a week since my last post. My wife did go out on the town. Funny thing about it is she had dinner with the husband of the woman that I have had a infidelities with from work. I was terrified, but being the woman that she is, she didn't do anything. They just laughed and talk through the pain and anger that we have put them through. I did a lot of praying on it and really doubted her. She is a truly a better person than myself. I have been trusting in the lord, reading the word and praying for patience and strength. I have taken steps to rid myself of all of the temptations that have lead me down this destructive path.
Everything I have read says that true healing takes a long time. I am trusting in the lord and asking him for guidance so that I can serve my wifes needs and be a good christian man, husband and father. I must learn patience and that is very difficult.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sat Mar 14th, 2009 05:09 am |
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Hi pashrun7,
I'm so glad that she didn't do anything rash!
I am also praying for healing in your marriage.
TruthSeeker
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john
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Posted: Sat Mar 14th, 2009 04:27 pm |
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I too am glad that she didn't do anything more...her having such an intimate conversation with the man would bother me though. You may feel like you deserve it because of how you have hurt her, but two wrongs never make a right. It is probably a very bad idea for them to be a support to one another about their respective spouse's infidelity.
Are you guys seeing a counselor to help work through the pain of your affair? Jayson Graves, who is the principal of this ministry, is a very qualified counselor in this area. He counsels primarily by telephone, so even if you aren't in the Colorado Springs area, he can work with you.
Last edited on Sat Mar 14th, 2009 04:30 pm by john
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