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therapy2004
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Posted: Sun Mar 15th, 2009 09:39 pm |
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Hi,
I don't know the correct etiquete for the site, so forgive me, but I am truly desperate to overcome my porn addiction. I joined in November 2007, but didn't follow up, and now, in March 2009, I am so so tired of this infringement on my freedom. I really need to speak with people who have faced and overcome this problem. Can someone please offer me some advice on how to begin to tackle this?
God bless.
In hope.
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TM2
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Posted: Sun Mar 15th, 2009 10:16 pm |
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For me, critical pieces of my recovery have been
- attending 12-step meetings, in person if possible, online if necessary
- getting a sponsor and working the steps
- getting professional counseling, working hard at it, and taking it seriously
- journaling
- prayer
- meditation
- staying honest and connected with other people - fellow addicts, my family, a few friends.
- reading to understand addiction and recovery
Underneath all this is a process of surrender and acceptance and trust and openness toward other people, toward God and toward myself that is new and scary for everyone, but that is the beginning of transformation.
That's just me, not everyone here. Your mileage may vary. But to me it was very important to accept that I had a real addiction and that I better treat it just as seriously as any other addict - to alcohol or heroin or cocaine or whatever - would treat their addiction.
The path isn't an easy one. It's the scariest and hardest thing most of us have ever done. It's also the most important and the most rewarding. There's enormous hope for recovery once one stops fighting and really lets go.
Welcome!
Tim M.
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john
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Posted: Mon Mar 16th, 2009 02:12 am |
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Hello and welcome to the site. I'm glad you are taking steps once more to find freedom from lust.
TM2 shared some great tips. This link has some pretty good first steps...
http://www.higher-calling.com/articles.php?article_id=5
Also, Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul, who is responsible for the Blazing Grace ministry, has great counseling resources. I strongly recommend taking advantage of them. You can learn more about Healing for the Soul by visiting their website:
http://www.healingforthesoul.org
In Him,
John
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therapy2004
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Posted: Mon Mar 16th, 2009 09:12 pm |
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Thank you. Has this worked for you? I really need to find a bit of hope. I know a bit about addiction, I've faced one major one previously, and I work in addiction, but this really has a hold on me. I appreciate your response, and will try these things. I'm ready to admit and accept with all my heart that this is a serious addiction, no question. It means a lot to me to hear from someone that has faced this, so thank you.
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john
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Posted: Tue Mar 17th, 2009 12:42 am |
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Yes, these things have worked for me. I will tell you that there is no magic pill. God created us with sexual desires and unlike recovery from alcohol or drugs, we will always have a sexual component to us. Recovery from compulsive sexual behavior is different from other addictions in that regard.
However, as with any addiction we have to take it a day at a time and learn to surrender our rights to Christ. We have used sexual release in an inappropriate way, most of the time for years, and that requires both repentance before the Lord and forgiveness of ourselves. Jesus has removed these sins from us by his sacrifice just as all others, so it is important that we appropriate the finished work of the cross to our sexuality and make him Lord there as with every area of our lives.
Remember that this sin is like mold; it grows in the dark. We have to intentionally and frequently expose the dark temptations in our hearts to the light of confession and accountability. Sexual addiction is a relational/emotional disorder. We must learn to develop intimate relationships (intimacy does not equal sex) and emotional maturity. That is the stuff that recovery is made of!
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TM2
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Posted: Tue Mar 17th, 2009 01:25 pm |
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My own recovery hasn't been without its glitches, which won't surprise you if you work in the field. I don't want to paint myself as God's gift to recovery. Recovery is God's gift to me. After 3 years doing very well including over 2 years of continuous sobriety, I ran into some trouble in 2008, slipping a number of times and starting to isolate again, but avoiding major relapse. Frighteningly, I know a number of people who have managed 2 or 3 years of what looks like model recovery, and who have then got stuck in a pattern of never managing long stretches of continuous sobriety; so this picture is in lots of ways my worst nightmare. At this point, things are again going well for me, and have been for a number of months. I think I keep going deeper and learning new things. Like any addiction, though, the disease is there waiting to come back if I get casual. I have too many decades of living my life wrong to erase in a couple of years.
Slips or not, though, my life is unimaginably better than it was before. I'm aware of at least some of my feelings. I'm way more open with my wife and kids and other people around me. I don't feel weighed down by shame and hated by God. I'm becoming one person, not 2 or more. I'm open to lots of things I would never previously have dared to face. Life has become an open place of discovery and growth. I've been blessed in ways I could never previously have dared to imagine. There's a lot of work still to do, and a lot of damage within my family to repair, bu the difference to where I was 4 years ago - sick, despairing, suicidal, alone, fragmented - is night and day.
And although I haven't yet managed this, I know people who have been sober for decades.
It's a hard addiction to get hold of. Half the people at my meetings are recovering alcoholics, and a bunch have issues with other drugs. I don't know a single person who thinks alcohol was harder to get sober from than sex. I only know one person who has found sex easier to recover from than cocaine. This is an addiction that goes pretty deep for most of us. But there is enormous hope for recovery if we can surrender and trust.
Tim M.
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therapy2004
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Posted: Thu Mar 19th, 2009 11:46 pm |
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Thank you, both.
I know there is a lot of work ahead. This addiction feels more compulsive than anything I've previously faced. I have a lot going for me in my life, and I'm not prepared to jeopardise this any longer. I feel relieved to have contact with others who know how this feels, but a little daunted by the size of the task. I recognise this will be a life-long process, but with God's help I will confront the issue.
I really am grateful for your time in responding to my post, it's given me the glimmer of hope that I needed.
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therapy2004
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Posted: Thu Mar 19th, 2009 11:51 pm |
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| Could you recommend some online meetings? I feel I really need to engage in these.
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TM2
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Posted: Fri Mar 20th, 2009 01:30 am |
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The meetings I have attended are IRC chat meetings. You can get info on how to join them at
http://slaaonline.org/ and at
http://www.internationalslaaonline.org/
SAA and SCA also run meetings on the same IRC servers with somewhat different schedules.
The good people at http://pornaddictioninfo.com/boards/index.php also run online audio meetings via Skype.
None of these meetings are exclusively Christian, but all have a focus on a higher power who, for a Christian, would presumably be Christ; and like any global organization, all contain a bunch of Christians.
Perhaps john has other suggestions as well?
Tim M.
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john
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Posted: Fri Mar 20th, 2009 01:22 pm |
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I suggest contacting Healing for the Soul (http://www.healingforthesoul.org) and visiting one of their telephone recovery groups as a guest. The groups are not free, but it is free to visit as a guest. These groups are very well run and are well worth the expense!
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