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ranyhyn
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 16th, 2009 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
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Posted: Sun Mar 22nd, 2009 10:51 am |
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I see that this is the forum for new members to introduce themselves. So guess what... that's what I'm going to do
here. I have seen references to this website in a few other posts on forums I've frequented over the last couple
of years. That does give me good reason to believe that what I find here will be of use to me in getting over this
problem I have in common with so many people. I am a firm believer that porn and its related activities is what I would
consider a societal cancer. And as such it needs to be eradicated.
I guess you could say that my addiction started on my 21st birthday. I was out with a group of friends and they
decided that for my 21st birthday they would take me to a strip bar. I had never been to one and I was single so I
guess they thought it would be a good idea. That led a downward spiral. Over the next 5 or 6 years I managed
to spend basically everything I had going to a local strip joint. Looking back on things I would have to say that 95%
of the money I spent was on alcohol purchases though. Watching all of the women was the secondary reason
I went to the strip joint instead of a regular bar though.
Don't get me wrong though. I very much enjoyed watching the naked women and talking to them. I was a regular
so I was the one there at 2 o'clock on a Friday afternoon (I was in college) getting drunk and speaking to the ladies
before they got all dolled up for the night's entertainment. But I digress... that's the thing that I didn't understand
at the time. I never realized that there was a problem. At the time I was going out drinking and such I had an
insatiable appetite for porn movies. I can't count how many I watched over this period of time.
The addiction eventually graduated from going to the local video store for porn to downloading it on the computer. My
choice source were the alt.binary newsgroups. I have downloaded countless thousands of pictures from there and at
one point was storing them on CDs. Those have all since been destroyed. But even after the CDs were destroyed
the addiction continued. Up to this point I had never been in a relationship with a woman. In fact I was still a virgin.
I was masturbating on a regular basis and never gave it a second thought. Then I met a woman online and we became
friends. At the time she was living in California but eventually moved to Florida where I was living. A few years of
online friendship eventually turned into our meeting in person.
We started a relationship and eventually got married. We've been married for 8 years now. All through our dating and
up to now in our marriage I have had the same problem. I cannot seem to take a permanent hiatus from online porn.
It has threatened to ruin our marriage twice now and my brain still can't process the whole thing and get past what
the real problem is. I'm now at a turning point. I honestly feel that if I don't get some kind of help now that I never
will and it will ruin my marriage and my life. We have two computers in the house and I was keeping everything on
my computer. I moved it out into the living room so it would be unable to be connected online (we have dialup and only
one phone line) and that worked for quite some time. But now I'm starting to have the same old feelings resurface
and I know that if I don't get some kind of help that I'll fall back into old, familiar habits.
So with all of that being said ... I'm here looking for help and support in getting through this and cleaning up my act
and moving forward in a positive direction. Thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully I'll see you around
the forum here ...
Shawn
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john
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| Joined: | Fri Jan 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Atlanta, Georgia USA |
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Posted: Sun Mar 22nd, 2009 12:47 pm |
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Welcome to the forum, Shawn. I am really glad you are beginning to take steps to break free from your addiction to pornography!
I would strongly recommend contacting Healling for the Soul and visiting one of their recovery groups as a guest. They offer a great service and a good way to find freedom.
You can find out more here...
http://www.healingforthesoul.org/services-groups.asp
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 1322 |
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Posted: Mon Mar 23rd, 2009 12:30 pm |
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Hi Shawn,
Have you considered accountability software? It is not an end by itself, but can block your access while you address the roots of your struggle with a christian counsellor, phone or face to face recovery group, etc.
You said that this all started when you were 21, but have you considered what vacuum was being filled, or what emotional pain you are running from? Often a difficult or absent relationship with one's father contributes to the inclination to numb oneself.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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ranyhyn
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 16th, 2009 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 32 |
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Posted: Mon Mar 23rd, 2009 01:16 pm |
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john wrote: Welcome to the forum, Shawn. I am really glad you are beginning to take steps to break free from your addiction to pornography!
I would strongly recommend contacting Healling for the Soul and visiting one of their recovery groups as a guest. They offer a great service and a good way to find freedom.
You can find out more here...
http://www.healingforthesoul.org/services-groups.asp
John,
Thanks for the advice. I went to their website and I did a quick perusal. In looking at the cost I cannot afford this at the present time as I'm unemployed. I will keep it for future reference.
Shawn
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ranyhyn
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 16th, 2009 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
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Posted: Mon Mar 23rd, 2009 01:20 pm |
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truthseeker wrote: Hi Shawn,
Have you considered accountability software? It is not an end by itself, but can block your access while you address the roots of your struggle with a christian counsellor, phone or face to face recovery group, etc.
You said that this all started when you were 21, but have you considered what vacuum was being filled, or what emotional pain you are running from? Often a difficult or absent relationship with one's father contributes to the inclination to numb oneself.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
Truthseeker,
I have considered accountability software in the past. But as I stated above I cannot afford much of anything at the present since I'm unemployed. My wife does not work so she is home every day and I do my best not to do things online when she is out of the house. I'm usually with her whenever she goes anywhere so that's not a real issue at the moment.
As for what may be the underlying problem I did not have a difficult relationship with my father but his job did require him to be out of the house most of the day. I didn't have a lot of time to spend with him because when he was at home it was time for him to do things around the house. I can't say there is any emotional "pain" per se but I have endeavored to search and see what the problem is. My focus this time around though is to rely on Christ to help me with my struggle instead of relying on myself. Thanks for the advice and I'll keep it in mind for future reference as well.
Shawn
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john
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| Joined: | Fri Jan 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Atlanta, Georgia USA |
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Posted: Mon Mar 23rd, 2009 04:17 pm |
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| Don't let the cost stop you. It is free to visit a group as a guest. If the Lord really wants to use the group to bring healing into your life, then I fully believe that he will provide a way to pay for it! I'm not trying to talk you into anything, just encourage you not to put up boundaries to getting the help that God may be trying to bring into your life!
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Mon Mar 23rd, 2009 05:54 pm |
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You may have to hunt, but I think there may be a free accountability program out there.
TruthSeeker
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ranyhyn
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 16th, 2009 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
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Posted: Tue Mar 24th, 2009 11:24 am |
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John,
You're right. I didn't have the right attitude in my thinking about what you had said. If God wants me to do it He certainly will provide a way for me to be able to do it.
Truthseeker,
I will see if I can find any and if I can then I'll install it. I wasn't aware there were any freeware ones.
Shawn
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john
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| Location: | Atlanta, Georgia USA |
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Posted: Tue Mar 24th, 2009 01:35 pm |
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Here is some free accountability software:
http://www.accountable2you.com
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amor
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| Joined: | Thu Aug 21st, 2008 |
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Posted: Tue Mar 24th, 2009 11:25 pm |
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This is just a suggestion. You might want to try to visit this website.
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com
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ranyhyn
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Posted: Wed Mar 25th, 2009 11:52 pm |
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amor wrote: This is just a suggestion. You might want to try to visit this website.
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com
Amor,
I have and signed up for their course. I had enrolled in it a few years ago actually but never completed it.
Shawn
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sam
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
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Posted: Sat Mar 28th, 2009 10:14 am |
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hey shawn,
welcome to the group, man. i wish you well on your quest for sexual freedom and will most certainly keep you in my prayers.
sam
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