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standtherefore
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Posted: Thu Sep 17th, 2009 04:35 pm |
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I was an addict of one form or another of sexual addiction for 30 years, since I was 6 years old. This included M and P and other things about which I will not mention because it is so dark and demonic, and dripping with putrid wickedness and evil. But I was utterly disgusting.
When I decided to marry the woman I always wanted to marry, I thought my addictions had ceased. The whole time we talked on the phone before we got together I never once even thought about porn or anything. And I thought, "This is great! I am finally free from this stuff."
But, not too long after we got together, I got back into it; not nearly on the scale I was before, but even once is too many times. I never told her about it because I was too ashamed. But God told me that she would find out, and about a year later, she did, and we've been having problems ever since.
I threw away my computer, and gave away our tv to her mom, and did everything to get any kind of temptation out of the house. And I don't miss my computer or the tv or M one bit.
But I still get nervous and fearful, which causes her to be nervous and fearful. Here's an example:
Yesterday I went to see my doctor, which is a big black man. Well, when I got into the office, they said there was another doctor there and that he would be seeing me. Well not only did my doctor or the other doctor see me, but some skinny female physician's assistant saw me instead. As soon as I saw her, I thought, "Great, as soon as I tell my wife about this, she's going to think I liked her." But I remained calm, and thought about God and my wife, and was ok. But then I started to get nervous on the way home and told God that I was worried about telling her about it, and to keep her calm when I told her. But I couldn't hide being nervous about it, and because I was, she thought I liked the physician's assistant. She said, "I don't care what you do with that ring, I'm never putting it back on!" And, "It's hillarious how you throw this away for nothing."
When we have good days, I get even more nervous, that something is going to happen to ruin it. And we had had three good days in a row prior to this incident. (Which is a long stretch lately.)
I need prayer on how to remain calm and confident, because my fear is what is causing these problems. Please pray that we can grow stronger together and never separate, if that is God's will.
Thank you.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Sep 18th, 2009 04:21 am |
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Hi standtherefore,
Welcome to BG.
Unfortunately, we ladies can be quite fragile when it comes to insecurities. I must admit that one of my first thoughts was to wonder what computer you are using to visit BG, and hope that it is not proving to be a temptation. It would probably be beneficial, if you have not already done so, to counsel with a pastor or counselor familiar with the struggles couples face when impurity is discovered.
I applaud you for taking such concrete steps to rid your environment of sources of temptation. It sounds like you are truly seeking to do everything possible to reassure your wife. Besides praying for your ongoing freedom and healing, I also pray that your wife will release her fears to the Lord, and ask His help in forgiving you. Unforgiveness on the part of a spouse can be nearly as much of a stumbling block to marital healing, sometimes more, than continuing acting out.
Praying...
TruthSeeker
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trying to understand
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Posted: Fri Sep 18th, 2009 05:12 pm |
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Dear standtherefore,
My husband has a p addiction. I didn't realize it until a couple of months ago, in which, I gave an ultimatum.. Either go to a dr or I'm out. He's been seeing his dr for about 2 mo now, and until a couple of days ago, i was still trying to catch him looking at p. I found this site to better understand what he's going through, and boy did that throw me for a loop. When I stared to read, I began to understand what a struggle it really is. I became less angry at him too. Maybe if your wife were more informed, it would make it easier for you two to communicate better. The articles that were most helpful to me were 1. healing for wives who've been hurt from adultery or porn addiction, and 2. Do you know Jesus. I also went into the forums, and read what a lot of men wrote, and they are really in torture. My husband and I are going to see a marriage counsellor that deals with this type of thing. Just wanted to throw you some suggestions, because I can understand how your wife feels, and have said the same things she said including other bad choices of words.. I was angry at my husband for making me feel insecure, or unwanted. I didn't understand why he would prefer being by himself than being with me, and it hurt. There are 10 years of resentment that I felt for him, but now after knowing the facts, I feel really bad for him. I really hope and pray for us and our family that things work out, and I wish the same for you. I'm sure it must be hard to tell your wife your deepest and darkest thoughts. Hopefully someday my husband will be open to doing that with me.
I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.
Sincerely,
trying to understand
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standtherefore
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Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2009 04:38 am |
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| Thank you both for your prayers. I am pretty much out of hope now though. I've done too much to her. Two good things that happened for me in this marriage though. I got saved in it, and I finally had one person who loved me. I wish I could have given her something good too.
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Devastated Wife
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Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2009 06:35 pm |
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Hello Standtherefore,
I don't know if this will work, but have you tried asking for your wife's help in overcoming this addiction? I know that if my husband had come to me and told me what he was struggling with, what he was facing, etc, and asked for my help, that would have generated a completely different response in and from me. I understand that now there is a lack of trust. I think the only way to overcome that is to be completely open and honest about what you are thinking and feeling.
Could you explain your fears to your wife? Help her to understand that you truly want to change and that you are afraid of failure?
You say you got saved as a result of this marriage. Can you ask your wife to be your partner in fighting this addiction? Fighting the spiritual warfare?
Praying for you.........and your wife............
____________________
My best, Devastated Wife
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