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lkg4hlp
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| Joined: | Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 |
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| Posts: | 14 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 02:07 am |
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I'm tired and I've never been more torn up because of this stupid addiction. I litterally feel like puking as I'm typing this. I was sober for months but I messed up and have been having trouble coming back since...I'm emotionally dead inside. the only thing I really feel is nervousness and rage. I love to right or draw but there's things in both those areas that trigger me too easy so I can't do those.
I struggle with SSA and TSA (transexual attraction), it's been this way since I was in middle school. My parents were there physically and financially but not emotionally. I spent most of the time blaming them and others for my actions but lately I realized it was me. No one put a gun to my head...and I think that's what's hurting me so bad right now.
I used to think it wasn't my fault that I was just a victim. that kept me from killing myself. now...I don't know. I don't think I'll kill myself but times like this I usually cut myself. and it's supper tempting.
that's me in a nutshell feel free to comment or ask questions I don't mind answering.
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Devastated Wife
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| Joined: | Fri Jul 17th, 2009 |
| Location: | Pittsburgh |
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Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 03:57 pm |
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Dear Lkg4hlp,
Please know that you are not alone.
A couple of thoughts: As the days shorten and sunlight is elusive, I find my mood, my resilience, my everything sliding into the dumps. It seems that everything is hitting me harder than it otherwise would right now. I question if the neurochemical changes occassioned by the shorter days are affecting you as well. If so, maybe medical intervention could help you with your struggle.
I am very concerned that you mention that you cut yourself and you tangentially mention suicide. Please, it sounds as if you need to see your medical doctor and/or a psychiatrist who can properly diagnose you and prescribe appropriate medication. Two of my friends daughters cut themselves and they have been helped tremendously by medication. Please, please, please....do not let the enemy win. Please see your doctor and level with him/her.
Praying for you........
My best, Devastated Wife
____________________
My best, Devastated Wife
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zkoehn
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| Joined: | Mon Aug 24th, 2009 |
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Posted: Fri Dec 4th, 2009 05:49 am |
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Man your story sounds a lot like mine. I have also had problems with SSA and cutting. I would get to a point where i hated myself enough and i wanted to hurt. I never thought about suicide that way though many times i have wanted to die. I just want to say again your not alone. Try to hope even though thats probably the last thing you even want think about. Something that helps is having at least one person whom you can physically talk to. My friend has helped so much. Sometimes he just knows that i screwed up and he will just hang out and do something that keeps my mind off of what ive done. My advice is do tell someone. find someone to trust. Believe me. its hard. I was terrified when i told him. I think was only god that i had the strength to tell him. I always hated when people told me to find an accountability partner or tell someone who you trust. I hated it. It is so good though. try if you can, if your ready for that. If you already have great. ignore what i have said
Anyways I have been praying for you. I will continue. God bless.
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lkg4hlp
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| Joined: | Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 |
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Posted: Fri Dec 4th, 2009 10:36 pm |
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thanks very much guys since I've read your comments my life has made a 180 and I feel like I did before I fell this last time. I still have troubles but I'm more confident and I'm putting forth an effort to finding God.
Thanks again for your prayers keep them up cuz I feel God moving already. I'll be praying for you guys too.
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