jjmii05
Member
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Can't say I am overjoyed to be here, but I am glad I found something to where others could relate. I have never felt more alone in my entire life.
I am 32 years old. I have four terrific children. I am military spouse and a stay at home mom, and up until these past few weeks, I was going back to school to earn my degrees in child and family development and marital and family counseling, of all things.
I just found out two months ago that over half of our 14 year marriage has been a huge sham. My husband has had multiple affairs, relationships, online sexual encounters and more and I never even knew it. I would catch little things, little lies or times where I just didn't think something was quite right, but I let him talk me out of how I was really feeling, somehow make me feel like I wasn't doing my part in the marriage by trusting in him, and make me believe him again. If I could tell you all the years I have spent praying, seeking counsel, reading about and trying ANYTHING to make my marriage better- it just disgusts me, that I was trying so hard and all he was doing was whatever and whoever he wanted. I am not entirely sure I believe in sex addiction. For him at least. Maybe this is just a convenient title to slap on a lot of really bad behavior towards me over the years to get me to stay. Just another ploy after he's lied and deceived me so many other times. I really don't know what to do. I have four small kids, I've been a stay at home mom for years now. I have nothing in my name, no money to speak of. I feel stuck. I love my husband, and hate him at the same time. I just don;t know if I can or am willing to live with an addict anymore. I hate how much this has all affected me. How much blame I put on myself. I just want all the pain and anguish to go away.
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