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Dream Wisp
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| Joined: | Thu Aug 23rd, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: Sun Oct 7th, 2007 01:21 pm |
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Hi everyone,
I explained a bit about my situation in my intro, but basically I am a newlywed and my husband and I both have a history of struggling with porn addiction. Mine started when I was about 13, and his when he was in college. I'm not even sure if you could call mine an addiction anymore, the desire comes and goes and I only give in when I am feeling very weak or if I am feeling very emotional. I'm not sure, but it's subsided a great deal.
My husband I know has still been struggling a lot with his addiction since we have been married. I know the signs and evidence, and can tell he's been doing it often. In the past and now one of the main hurts for me is that I often want to make love, once a day or a few times a week would be wonderful, but he often doesn't want to. I understand he works hard and is tired, but then sometimes on days I try to initiate sex and he doesn't want to, I know later that night he looks at porn.
I know it's not about the women in the porn, but I can't help but feel so unwanted. I am a wife who does want to make love often and it seems like porn gets in the way of it. Porn is 'easier' maybe and it is one-sided. He only has to worry about giving himself the pleasure.
Does anyone else have this problem or this thought... it hurts very much.
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Paulos
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| Joined: | Fri Aug 24th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
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Posted: Mon Oct 8th, 2007 06:09 pm |
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Dream Wisp,
A newlywed husband who prefers to be with pictures rather than with his bride, especially when she desires sexual relations several times a week, has a very serious problem. If you feel your self-esteem is low, you must resist a possible tendency to interpret his actions as a rejection of you, or as an attraction to other women. His preference for now is not for some other relationship, but for no sexual relationship at all, for solitude. The reason for this probably goes back to experiences he had before he met you. It may be as simple as having formed an egoistic habit of triggering his own orgasmic response system without emotional attachment to another person; if so, he will need time to learn how to integrate his disengaged use of sex with the deeper and more communally oriented levels of his personality. But he may also have some unnamed fear grounded in negative memories, and be behaving in this way because he wants to hide that part of his inner self from you and others. Sexual addictions are driven by traumas buried in shame and isolation. Are you able to talk with him about this? Do you have the strength and the savvy to ease the truth from him without distressing confrontations? Does he even want to be helped?
Films and videos create the impression that a couple should be able to have great sex almost as soon as they have become aware of each other. In fact many of us have to work for years toward a satisfying adjustment.
Does either of you have a relationship with God through Jesus from whom you can draw the grace you need to bring about transformation?
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