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Brian Angels
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 26th, 2007 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 30 |
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Posted: Fri Sep 5th, 2008 03:34 pm |
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Wow, what an interesting two years it's been. I wanted to get current on here since it's been over a year since I posted. I'll summarize.
Sep 3, 2006: Wife and I were married, had a beautiful wedding, and a fun honeymoon. She had the most beautiful smile and temperment. Everything about her was radiant.
Nov/Dec 2006: Several months into the marriage she started finding porn on my computer. She would get very upset and make a big deal of it. Unsaved at the time, I just shrugged it off and thought she was overreacting. What a complete jerk I was. She got so upset with me and we fought all the time about it. I learned after the fact that I was destroying her soul and her self-esteem. God how I wish I can go back in time and fix things now that I can see clearly now.
Jan/Feb 2007: She had enough of it at the end of January, we both agreed that it would be best if I left. I left on her birthday, 2/1/2007. Still unsaved, I felt devastated and lost. Not knowing why she made such a big deal because "every guy does it". What an idiot I was.
March 2007: Wanting to try to work things out, I became persistent in my quest to get my wife back. Still unsaved at the time, I send intimidating and threatening messages if she wouldn't come back to me. I deserved the fall-out of my messages. A restraining order was slapped on me in mid-March and that's when it happened. I hit rock bottom and had no way out except with the help of Christ. March 20, 2007 I decided to accept Christ into my heart and save me from this misery and his wrath. He drew me closer to him and I was at peace. The restraining order was dropped in my favor at court because I wasn't a threat but more so a desperate husband longing for his wife. My wife and I started counseling with our pastor and we slowly dated again. We fell in love again all over and had such a great time, so I though.
June 2007: We reconciled in June 2007 and everything was better than ever! I was porn free, following Christ and getting closer with my wife. For the next few month we were eating better to get her body ready for pregnancy. We wanted to start a family and be a Godly couple. June through October things were great and better than ever! She treated me to a trip to Washington D.C. for our 1 year wedding anniversary. What a great time! 
October/Nov 2007: Things began to fall apart again. Not because of porn or infidelity but because I started talking to old classmates on Myspace who were female (but just friends and no sexual past). I now realize the harm in that because my wife felt threatened and I dismissed her feelings again. It wasn't so much the female friends but the fact that I brushed off her feelings like they didn't matter and I thought she was overreacting. I told her she had nothing to worry about when in fact she was scared inside. I should've known better.
Dec 2007: I moved out again on Dec 3, 2007. We remained friends and talked once in a while from Dec 2007 to May 2008. I focused myself on work during these months and drifted away from the Lord but never lost my love for Him.
May 2008: I find out my wife went to talked to a divorce lawyer so I had no choice but to move on. I met a woman who I thought was the ideal wife. So we dated and started to get attached to one another. I wasn't in love with her but getting close. End of May my wife loses her job and starts to come over during the day to hang out. She had an idea I was seeing someone, she shared that part of her journal with me. One thing leads to another and my wife and I become intimate again. The sex was amazing and she was the old fun loving wife I fell in love with in the first place. So I fell hard for my wife again. The other girl and I broke things off and I just had my eye on my wife, wanting to have the marriage God intended us to have.
Here is the problem. I told my wife about this girl and out of retaliation, she began an affair with another man. I didn't tell her to rub things in. I told her to be completely honest with her. Hopefully to begin reconciling our marriage with no secrets. So with all secrets out, she confessed to me that in fall last year when we were on the outs, she kissed a guy (which I suspected). She said she is no longer seeing this new guy but she also told me she filed for divorce. She is a Christian.
Now, I am fully repented, forgiven of my sins by God, following God and devoting my life to being the best Godly husband and family leader I can be. Some of my friends and family have turned away from me because of my Christian walk. (I heard this was going to happen) They think I'm boring now and no fun. All I want in life is to have a Christian wife who respects me and looks up to me, whom I can cherish, lead, protect, and adore; and as many children as God blesses us with. I want to raise them right in the Lord and with great values.
Anyway, I need help and prayers. My wife is the most beautiful woman to me and now I think I destroyed her soul. Most of it is due to my previous porn use (WHICH I NO LOOK AT NOR DESIRE TO USE). She said she is terrified of me (because of my ability to crush her with porn use). Please pray her and for our marriage. I don't want to get divorced.
____________________
Brian
The key to a successful marriage is not finding the right person, it's learning to love the person you found. - Mort Fertel
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!&q
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sam
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 320 |
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Posted: Fri Sep 5th, 2008 05:54 pm |
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so sorry to hear of your struggles, brian. i have your back in the name of jesus my brother.
sam
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minuspride
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| Joined: | Wed Jul 16th, 2008 |
| Location: | New York USA |
| Posts: | 42 |
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Posted: Sun Sep 7th, 2008 06:38 pm |
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Keep giving yourself to God. If it is His will for both of you to stay together then it shall be. Love on your wife as much as you can even if she can't see that love physically. My brother I was in your shoes earlier this year but the lord intervened on our behalf. My wife and I are moving forward with the Grace of God.
I'm praying for you.
MP
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Brian Angels
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 26th, 2007 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 30 |
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Posted: Mon Sep 8th, 2008 08:13 pm |
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Sam & MP,
Thank you very much for your prayers. That is all I do now is pray, cry, pray, and grow in the Lord. At first it was for my wife but now it's all for me and building myself closer to the Lord, with the help of the Lord. I now have a great relationship with him. I am proud to say that pornography is no longer and issue nor a desire in my life. At first I struggled badly because I was doing it more so for my wife. To be the man I am now and to have become the man I intended, I had to do it for myself and not just to win my wife back. So even if I do get divorced (which I really hope I do not) I will be okay. I've become the godly husband He wants me to be. I just wish I had my wife to demonstrate my love and show what I've become over the past several months.
I'm working on some anger issues curently. I don't have the temper I used to have because I've channeled it through tears and prayer more so breaking things.
Thanks again! God Bless you all.
____________________
Brian
The key to a successful marriage is not finding the right person, it's learning to love the person you found. - Mort Fertel
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!&q
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