| Author | Post |
|---|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 09:08 am |
|
Peter,
What you said in a very large part I say Amen, brother. However, at the same time I do need say to you that there are some counselors called by God to come along side a person to help them come to terms with reality and to understand how the bondage and choices being made that has, does, or is affecting their life.
As for the 12 steps, I also agree in a very large part with you. God said your sins are forgiven, go and sin no more. But thank God there are some types of support groups, such as this one to help us not get lost in the insanity of it all and to stay real with one another. But I'm with you much more when dealing with sin. Even an addict know the difference between right and wrong. To say one must be an eternal addict is so against God's Word. The only reason addicts stay in the chronic relapse process because they do not address the characterological problems in their hearts. They focus more on the behavior, thus they are constantly struggling with the sin that still needs to be addressed in their hearts. Is there a detox stage, yes. Is there a time for the brain to heal and to develop appropriately, yes. But not as near as long as a lifetime.
It's when we use these things that you mention to replace God's Word or to water it down that we get into trouble. It's also a red flag when we think for one moment that we can do this without Him. Only by the power of His Holy Spirit can we not only love one another, but even more so due to the blood that was shed for our sins upon the cross.
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1337 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 10:15 pm |
|
Crucified123, thanks very much for your kind and considered response. I think I always wanted to marry. Asperger is an interesting and complex disorder. The intelligence is as diverse as in normal people. I am considered to be "high functioning" by the specialist who diagnosed it. Asperger characteristics and traits include (for me and other AS people):-
Difficulties are not in written but in verbal communication. I am pretty bad at eye to eye contact and one-to-one or other direct communication.
Poor motor co-ordination, whether in co-ordinating tasks or sport activities.
Extreme irritation at any repetitive motion at the periphery of vision (such as someone wagging their foot or twitching their leg)
Hypersensitivity to sight, sound and touch. Especially sound which is a terrible problem for me. I find the sunlight pretty unbearable even on overcast days.
If I am focused on a task and somebody is moving something in my line of vision, I might as well be looking at a blank sheet of paper. It's a panic that freezes the brain's activity that one is focused on.
If under stress, what I think comes out as what I say with no processing of that information at all. The social gaffs.
Panic attacks - forgetting where I have put something and then going into panic until it is found.
Can't multi-task - can only focus on one thing. Doesn't matter what it is.
As an adult, I had three girlfriends. The first two were Christians, one of them wanted sex and I was shocked that she should ask so we didn't and that ended not long after.
Re. why I am at Blazing Grace - I ended a porn habit six months ago so technically am still in danger of addiction to that but have no wish to go back to it. My problem now is "m" which I have drastically reduced but still can't stop. Re. marriage in future - what I have in mind is to marry at 50 to a Christian lady of about the same age.
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 09:58 pm by guitarist63
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue May 8th, 2007 12:21 am |
|
Dear Stephen,
Wow, you can write as much as I do and very clearly, I might add.
It would seem to me that you have had more than your fair share of challenges. Also, it's not that you can't have relationship or be sexual, as you have had girlfriends and you do have a history of mbing. So on the functional side, everything is working.
It sounds like you would really benefit from reading the following:
"Every Man's Battle"
"An Affair of the Mind"
"Safe People" by Minerth/Meier
"Boundaries" and the Workbook by Cloud and Townsend
The very best book of all times cost about $6.00. It's my opinion that this tiny little book combines all that any therapist have ever had to learn in their years of education, yet thoroughly integrates God's Word. It's not boring, has humor, and gets right to the crux of what ever has held anyone in bondage and away from developing a healthy Godly relationship with the self, with God, and with others.
"Changes That Heals" By Dr. Henry Cloud
Get the workbook as well as I have yet to see someone not grow tremendously as a result diving into this tiny little book. You can order this book online through Cloud and Townsend Resources.
Another book: "Getting A Date Worth Keeping" and
"If He Really Knew" (Gary Smalley) Another little book that packs a
a whallop equipping the husband, even after 40.
If you get started now, the goal of marrying just might become a reality. Nothing like having a prepared man for a H.
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue May 8th, 2007 12:35 am |
|
Also, in terms of never being married and that you are still a virgin.
Ever so gently I say this to you, but if you were using porn how does that make you a virgin?
We all know sadly ever so well that a peson can be as emotionally and sexually involve with a female (or male) even if it is an image. Consider this:
1 Corinthians 6:16
Proverbs 6:27-28
This is not meant to shame or to condemn you - that is the last thing I would want to do to any human being. It is to let you know that not all is lost and even though you have permitted yourself to be connected in a pseudo-intimate form, there is much that can be done to turn these things around to live the other half of your life in a much more God ordained manner.
Finally, it's not like women are not interest in you. They are, but there appears to be some real hang-ups with sex and love.
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue May 8th, 2007 12:38 am |
|
Dear Guitarist63,
A final thought. I wonder how much your anxiety plays in all of your other issues that you shared. I also wonder how much the sexualizing and Mbing has to do with using this as a form of self-medication to reduce the anxiety and soothe the inner workings of the self.
Just a thought
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1337 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue May 8th, 2007 08:32 pm |
|
Crucified123,
Much appreciate your very kind responses to my long message. I will ask local booksellers if they can order those books you list. Thank you.
When I said a virgin - physically - text-book technically I think that's true.
I am convinced that feeding this for 32 years, fairly regularly, has produced a "hunger" for it if it's starved and the body of course produces more of the cells if over-stimulated and stopping it produces a build-up effect. I think it's not unlike the effect of someone who eats a lot going on a starvation diet. I won't say it's the same for someone who has a normal appetite and doesn't over-eat. That's as far as the comparison goes. We need food to live, we don't need "m" and more than that, we shouldn't do it because it's sinful. Now that I have accepted it is sinful (only since this year and joining BG) I can't live with it and have to get free. Re. girlfriends, I had good relationship with my last one. Stephen
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:01 pm by guitarist63
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue May 8th, 2007 10:26 pm |
|
Dear Guitarist63:
if it's starved and the body of course produces more of the cells if over-stimulated and stopping it produces a build-up effect.
As we starve this neural pathway of the stimulus that has created an addictive pattern, hunger, desire, and craving, initially there will be a detox period. That's why it's important to replace that with healthier types of relationships and activitys.
Sexually speaking, the testerone levels and built up of ejaculatory fluids naturally release within 72 hours. In other words, one does not need to "have" to do anything in order for the natural body functions to go through their processes. This usually happens during the sleep cycle. There is nothing to be concern about when this happens and is quite normal in God's eyes. But when we have fed that throughout the day, then it is not okay.
Have you ever taken an anger management course? I just get the sense that there is a lot of anxiety root in some deep seated stuff. Think of it this way. There's an iceberg. One third is above water and the rest is under the water. On top are a lot of raw feelings and emotions that we keep medicating, but in fact just reinforce. But underneath there is the real us, the person that got broke along the way and have forgotten what happen initially or perhaps what happen initially we don't know because it was before we learned to be abstract in our thinking. Some of the issues you have would fall in both areas. In the process, you stack them on top of the other and then they reinforce and integrate and just gets rather complicated, unless you have a really awesome therapist and the Word of God to guide you.
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1337 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed May 9th, 2007 12:17 am |
|
Thanks Crucified123. I haven't taken an anger management course but will consider it in the future.
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:05 pm by guitarist63
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1337 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed May 9th, 2007 12:30 am |
|
Crucified123, where did you hear about 72 hours? I don't think that's correct. Stephen.
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1337 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed May 9th, 2007 12:59 am |
|
Crucified123, sorry to trouble you again but what did you have in mind when you say that it "usually happens" during sleep cycle that the body naturally gets rid of the stuff? Stephen
|
journeyofmine_
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jun 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Alberta Canada |
| Posts: | 8 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed May 9th, 2007 04:35 am |
|
Hey All,
Thank you for all the replies. I have read them all. I just chose to reply at this point in the thread because of what point I wish to address.
I also agree with being completely honest with myself and with others. Especially my partner. Dishonesty with myself and others has caused me great trouble in my life. I am being honest in my posts on this topic. Thank you for everyones opinion, including you Tropical Storm.
The honest truth, as God knows it for me, is I always have hated my drug of choice... pornography and acting out sexually. I always also chose acting out partners or images that I considered to be debase and beneath me. The repulsed me. But this served the purpose. This took my mind away from the pain and emotional upheaval I was feeling. So, I hated my drug of choice, but liked that it took me away from the emotional upheaval I could not deal with.
I hated it more each time I acted out. Just as I loathed myself more everytime, but I had to get the false escape, the false freedom that I loved.
I thank God everyday for the true freedom that I have now.
Also, tropicalstorm, I have talked to many men who did as you said... started planning when to act out early in the day. I have also talked to men in my meetings who are like me. I did not plan my activities. I was triggered by emotions and when I would get in a bad place then I would get home and see my computer or earlier than that, where I had my magazines, that emotional trigger and seeing what I acted out with would trigger me to do so. I didn't preplan per se.
This is the main point I wanted to address. If anyone has any other comments or opinions I welcome them. I will respond again. I have a problem with being active here as I should be, and in other areas that I should be. I hope to change that and not be a slacker, as I know reaching out to others and reading their input, wether I agree or not will be good for me. And, maybe I'll even be able to "help" someone else.
Thanks,
Marc
____________________
It's not the destination, but the journey that matters.
|
tropicalstorm
Member
| Joined: | Mon Apr 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 65 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu May 10th, 2007 10:54 am |
|
I suppose I should have been clearer, it's not the substance of choice you love, it's the way it makes you feel - which I suppose is two different things.
You said:
So, I hated my drug of choice, but liked that it took me away from the emotional upheaval I could not deal with.
I hated it more each time I acted out. Just as I loathed myself more everytime, but I had to get the false escape, the false freedom that I loved.
which in fact IS honest.
It's amazing what happens when that fog of chasing the false freedom lifts - it's like WOW this is what I missed out on for that????
I guess I should also qualify the fact that I was in an intensive residential rehabilitation program that looked the whole picture and not just drugs and alcohol. It was a very confrontational program that many people could not handle. It required extreme honesty at all times (not a bad thing), but not politically correct I suppose.
Addiction of any sort is a tough thing - the first thing that arrives is the messed up thinking - that happens long before any actual using and it's typically the last thing to go. Like the verses that talk about building your house on sand or rock. You have to sweep away all the sand before your rock gets completely put down (not in one piece because it doesn't happen overnight).
You nailed my point though.
I pray for nothing but victory in your walk.
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 02:32 am |
|
I don't have my copy of Every Man's Battle, but I think it's in the 3rd chapter.
Also, I can find in a book: Counseling for Sexual Disorders by Joyce and Clifford Penner, as well as, by a book written by Gary Smalley, if he only knew. I think you can probably find this in literature published by Dr. James Dobson. This is a well known fact -----?????
Sorry for the delay, my computer literally went into the shop. Just got it back. Really great technician. Pray for him. My screensaver was a witness to him. He needs more business - he's honest, fair, generous, and a really good technician. Thanks
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 02:41 am |
|
Stephen,
Each state usually have some type of rehabilitation services that will retrain you to accommodate your disability. They will also help you get the counseling that you may need to handle the changes and so on and so forth.
As for anger, what usually comes to mind is this person punching holes in walls, etc. The truth is that a person can be the nicest person, yet have anger issues that comes out in many other ways, such as, varying addiction, passive/agressiveness, avoidant/withdrawal, etc.
Anger Management is good for everyone. It's not just about the anger, but also helps a person to communicate more effectively and to deal with the constant anxiety provoking situations that we get to experience from moment to moment, day to day, person, place, or things.
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 02:53 am |
|
"It" means there is a natural ejaculatory emission that often take place while a man sleeps.
The less someone feeds these pictures of lust into their head the less build up or tension is experienced. Also, dreams will prompt this type of response as well. That's why it is so important to not just focus on "not going there." But also, to understand and to treat all people as God would treat them. That means - no lust or desire outside the bonds of marriage, which is not considered lust when one is expressing the love that they hold towards their spouse - a treasure and a gift from His Holiness, himself.
In other words, you really have to do some work in the core of your heart and taking strength in His Word, His Spirit, and the victory that has already been won for you. All you "have" to do is be willing to die to yourself, and live for Christ instead.
|
tropicalstorm
Member
| Joined: | Mon Apr 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 65 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 03:14 am |
|
I've actually been thinking about this a great deal today - not necessarily sexual addiction in and of itself but the recovery process.
Like I mentioned, I went to an intensive long term treatment program (18 months, 9 months inpatient, nine months out patient). I was there longer then average.
At any rate, I had additional outside counseling due the nature of things that were broken in me.
All those folks and facilities? They did a great job! I stopped being so self destructive and I did remain clean and sober. I was better but I was not happy nor fullfilled. My life was ultimately still empty, though better.
Recovery for recovery's sake is a good start, but only a START - rather like a journey and not a destination.
When I really GOT God - well then I was a million times better and that too was a very long walk taken one step at a time.
Just something to think about - anyone can teach you how to abstain, but only God can give you a plane ticket out of Egypt.
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 03:28 am |
|
| Just like the real version of coming out of Egypt - the people had to walk "one step at a time."
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1337 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 01:46 pm |
|
Thanks for your advice, Crucified123. Stephen
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:09 pm by guitarist63
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1337 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 01:56 pm |
|
Dear Crucified123. Nocturnal emission - these do not occur frequently. They do not even occur once in a blue moon. I haven't had one since I was about 16, excepting maybe one or two after that - about twenty years ago.
Sorry to hear about your computer but glad to hear you were able to witness with your screensaver to the PC man. Praise God. Stephen
Last edited on Sat May 12th, 2007 02:04 pm by guitarist63
|
crucified123
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 72 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 06:23 pm |
|
Dear Stephen
Theoretically speaking, do you think that the nocturnal emission would occur more often if it was not released by Mbing? In other words, when we delve in areas that are not God ordained, then I tend to think that we disrupt the natural body processes that take place out side of the marital union and bond. Something to consider, huh?
A Little Triva:
By the way, I did not know this, but recently found out that there really are "blue" moons. They don't occur often, but apparently there's going to be one on May 31st.
According to the most modern definition, a blue moon is the second full moon in a claendar month. For a blue moon to occur, the first of the full moons must appear at or near the beginning of the month so that the second will fall within the same month. May 2007 will have two full moons: the first on Wednesday, May 2nd, the socond on Thursday, May 31st --that second full moon is called the blue moon. Some say that when there is a glue moon, the moon has a face and talks to the subjects in its moonlight.
Since the average span between 2 moons is 29.5 days, the May 31st date applies to most of the Western Hemisphere, including the United States. In the Eastern Hemisphere, the full moon in question will occur on June 1st. For that half of the world, the blue moon will be on June 30, 2007
|
Current time is 04:14 am | Page:   1 2 3   |
|
RSS