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HealingForTheSoul
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Posted: Tue Mar 31st, 2009 03:06 am |
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Are you struggling with compulsive masturbation? Do you wish you could gain control in this area of your life but you just don’t know how? Well, you are definitely not alone: The bible says “no temptation has seized you except that which is common to man.” Indeed, studies show that 98-99% of all men have masturbated in their lifetime.Wisdom from the Grave| Listen to what famous Christian author [b]C. S. Lewis[/b] said about it. I’ll paraphrase what He wrote: |
"For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete his own personality in that of another and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary (images). And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and uniting with a real (person). For the harem is: always accessible, subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real (person) can rival. Among those shadowy (images) he is: always adored, always the perfect love, no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself."Wow, what a powerful concept! You may be thinking “I’ve never really heard it put that way before.” Well, let me give you a few more things to think about having been down the recovery road in this area myself…tips that will give you hope and a vision for walking in purity.God’s design for sex| First, I had to address the way I thought about sex. I had to accept that the bible is clear on God’s design for sex and how it’s meant to be between a man and a woman in a marriage.[/b] This is the only model that fulfills God’s ultimate creative intent for the sexual union: to mirror His image. So obviously, masturbation doesn’t really fit into this picture from a biblical perspective. |
| Once I accepted this biblical reality, I was able to start receiving the fullness of God’s help available to me, realizing that this is not just a spiritual issue. The bible says in I Thessalonians 5:23 “be sanctified body, mind and spirit.[/b]” So, I had to stop thinking I could just pray about this or just reading my bible more or just talk to my pastor. All of these were wise and helpful for me but I had to go beyond just spiritual approaches. |
| [u]Identifying the underlying feelings & triggers[/u][/b] |
I had to start asking myself “What am I feeling?” and doing a quick self-assessment using the word HALTS whenever temptation came around. H. A. L. T. S. stands for 9 things: hungry, angry lonely, tired, sick, sad, stressed, scared and shameful. MEMORIZE THESE!These feelings and emotions represent the undercurrents of lust and masturbation temptation. Once we’ve memorized HALTS and can identify what we are feeling on the inside, we can choose to meet those valid needs the feelings represent instead of trying to numb or medicate those needs with lust and masturbation. You can try it too: choose your most common trigger feelings and create an action plan for yourself that completes this phrase: “When I feel (blank), I need to (blank).” It could sound like this, for example: “When I feel angry, I need to vent with a friend” or "When I feel tired, I need to take a nap or just rest and relax a bit.” You simply fill in the blanks with something positive that you know today will help you when times get tough down the road. After using HALTS over time, self-care is like riding a bike: it comes naturally and you can almost do it without thinking much.Effective accountability| Last, make sure this area of your life is in the light with at least two other people[/b] who are committed enough to help you in fighting the temptation by checking in on a regular basis. And it’s better to find a group of people[/b] who struggle similarly rather than just depend on one “accountability partner.” |
Well, I trust this helps you and brings you hope! Remember, when it comes to living in sexual purity, free from masturbation, it’s about acknowledging God’s intention for sex in marriage, honoring our true feelings is a self-caring way and realizing that we can’t do this alone.[/b] So be wise and be honest and don’t forget: If thousands of people in recovery like me can live in victory with God’s help and the help of other warriors, so can you, my friend!
Jayson Graves, M.MFT, husband of Susan and father of Selah, is a Christian Psychotherapist specializing in Sexual Addictions recovery and unwanted Same-Gender Attractions. He enjoys helping his clients from both a clinical and personal frame as a person in recovery himself. [/i] He is the director of international counseling ministries [url=http://www.healingforthesoul.org/]Healing for the Soul[/url] ([url=http://www.healingforthesoul.org/]www.healingforthesoul.org[/url]) and The SoulHealer Foundation offering telephone therapy and his first original idea: Teleconference Recovery Groups for men and for wives in recovery worldwide. Jayson serves as Board Secretary of [url=http://www.exodus.to/]Exodus International[/url]. [/i]
Jayson directs the Youth track at Focus on the Family’s LoveWonOut conferences nationwide and also served for 3 years as a keynote speaker & national Program Director for New Life
Ministry's Every Man's Battle intensive workshops. He’s the founder and host of [url=http://www.healingforthesoul.org/radioshow%28tmp%29.asp]The Blazing GraceShow[/url], a weekly radio program/podcast and Host of SkyAngel network television show [url=http://www.purepassion.us/]PurePassion[/url], both focusing
on sexual brokenness and recovery.[/i][font="arial"] [i]
For[/i][/font] [font="arial"][i]more information, to schedule a telephone counseling appointment or to call-in as a visitor to one of our teleconference recovery groups for men or for wives, please call 719-590-7685 or email info@healingforthesoul.org.[/i][/font] |
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Healing for the Soul is the private counseling practice of Jayson Graves, M.MFT. Specializing in sexual addictions and unwanted same gender attractions, Jayson and his team serve a local, national, and international clientèle. They use an innovative, fai
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