| Author | Post |
|---|
theologian001
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jun 9th, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 2 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Fri Feb 5th, 2010 06:01 pm |
|
| I need some advice and encouragement for an unusual kind of struggle that I just can't seem to overcome. As a teenager I struggled tremendously with masturbation as well as pornography to a lesser extent. However, by around the age of 20 I was strangely able to stop without much effort. Unfortunately a year and a half ago I fell into a serious pornography addiction. Now I have thankfully not looked at any sexual content on the Internet for several months. However, I'm still struggling with what I call mental masturbation. I have a severe physical disability and I have become much weaker over the years to the point where I cannot actually stimulate myself physically. Sadly, my mind is so powerful in recalling pictures I've previously seen that I can stimulate myself to the point of climax without even touching myself. Sometimes I have to think very dirty thoughts to achieve this, but other times it does not require me to think so "wickedly" although it still guilty of lost. I have made great progress because the only time it happens now is at night. I've managed to keep myself so preoccupied during the day that I don't even think about gratifying myself. The problem at night though continues, partly due to the fact that I have always had great difficulty falling asleep. So I'm just laying there when sometimes out of nowhere my body starts feeling the desire for gratification and I cannot stop the thoughts from coming. Whenever the temptation comes I rarely am able to resist. This problem is so insidious because I am a hostage. I cannot move at all, and therefore cannot find anything to distract myself. I have to mentally entertain myself with something else far more enjoyable, but nothing can compete with the lustful images. Last night was the latest episode of giving in. As soon as the thoughts and feelings started to develop, I began praying more seriously than I had before. And it really seemed to help for a while. I would get past the moment of temptation, but it kept returning until finally I had no more resolve left. This of course has left me very frustrated and discouraged. Especially because I felt like I was much more faithful this last week in my spiritual disciplines of prayer and Bible study. I know God can deliver me, but I still feel pretty helpless. There is probably not a lot anyone of you could say right now because I have probably already tried it. Really what I need is encouragement because I know that that is a key to succeeding that I have not tried enough.
|
TM2
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 145 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Fri Feb 5th, 2010 09:08 pm |
|
May you find a way to let go and turn over this temptation. The situation indeed seems very complicated.
I don't suppose there's any way to make it possible to phone another person and talk about the problem? My natural instinct in such a situation is, "Pick up the phone and call another addict," but it sounds like that isn't an option for you.
I also wonder if there are meditation practices you might engage in that might help? For me, trying to be aware of thoughts but to let them pass by is an important practice in its own right; but it can also open up some space between one and the temptations, which lets one be aware of the thoughts without getting so quickly caught in them, and can let one release them and let them pass by. Making ones own inner state an object of investigation is a useful skill for anyone doing inner work, but it might be especially helpful in opening up a window on something fascinating to someone with your limited ability to get around.
No doubt those are obvious thoughts that don't meet your needs, but I mention them just in case. In any case, may you find a path to serenity.
Tim M.
|
Current time is 01:00 am | |
|
|
|
RSS