| I need some advice and encouragement for an unusual kind of struggle that I just can't seem to overcome. As a teenager I struggled tremendously with masturbation as well as pornography to a lesser extent. However, by around the age of 20 I was strangely able to stop without much effort. Unfortunately a year and a half ago I fell into a serious pornography addiction. Now I have thankfully not looked at any sexual content on the Internet for several months. However, I'm still struggling with what I call mental masturbation. I have a severe physical disability and I have become much weaker over the years to the point where I cannot actually stimulate myself physically. Sadly, my mind is so powerful in recalling pictures I've previously seen that I can stimulate myself to the point of climax without even touching myself. Sometimes I have to think very dirty thoughts to achieve this, but other times it does not require me to think so "wickedly" although I still feel guilty about it. I have made great progress because the only time it happens now is at night. I've managed to keep myself so preoccupied during the day that I don't even think about gratifying myself. The problem at night though continues, partly due to the fact that I have always had great difficulty falling asleep. So I'm just laying there when sometimes out of nowhere my body starts feeling the desire for gratification and I cannot stop the thoughts from coming. Whenever the temptation comes I rarely am able to resist. This problem is so insidious because I am a hostage. I cannot move at all, and therefore cannot find anything to distract myself. I have to mentally entertain myself with something else far more enjoyable, but nothing can compete with the lustful images. Last night was the latest episode of giving in. As soon as the thoughts and feelings started to develop, I began praying more seriously than I had before. And it really seemed to help for a while. I would get past the moment of temptation, but it kept returning until finally I had no more resolve left. This of course has left me very frustrated and discouraged. Especially because I felt like I was much more faithful this last week in my spiritual disciplines of prayer and Bible study. I know God can deliver me, but I still feel pretty helpless. There is probably not a lot anyone of you could say right now because I have probably already tried it. Really what I need is encouragement because I know that that is a key to succeeding that I have not tried enough. Last edited on Thu Oct 28th, 2010 07:49 pm by theologian001
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