| Author | Post |
|---|
Godsgirl211
Member
| Joined: | Thu Apr 22nd, 2010 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 62 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 28th, 2010 03:29 pm |
|
My husband has severe ADHD and is not willing to take medication. He says that he has used masturbation for the "purpose of" being able to go to sleep since he was a teenager.......... He claims that having sex with me is just too hard....... as he doesn't have the physical energy to engage in intercourse.
Your thoughts on this???? And yes, he is an addict..........
____________________
Godsgirl
|
TM2
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 469 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 28th, 2010 04:04 pm |
|
I've read other addicts who talk about the importance of masturbation in going to sleep. That's not part of my own ritual, but it seems not uncommon.
I wonder if the issue of having sex is physical energy or emotional energy? It can be too hard for an introvert to make social and emotional connections, after all.
Just a thought.
Tim M.
|
Godsgirl211
Member
| Joined: | Thu Apr 22nd, 2010 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 62 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 28th, 2010 04:57 pm |
|
| I have wondered the same thing......... :-( but knowing that this is a common occurrence helps me "in a way"....... to not feel that I am unattractive or re-repulsive to my husband.............
____________________
Godsgirl
|
TM2
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jan 8th, 2009 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 469 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 28th, 2010 06:05 pm |
|
Good. Because sexual addiction isn't about how attractive our partners are. I think my wife is remarkably beautiful (though she has trouble seeing this), and yet I spent 30 years with her as an active addict. I was addicted before we met; I was addicted for decades while we were together; had we split up, I would have been addicted after. She had nothing to do with it.
I think this is universal. Look at all the various celebrity sex addicts with gorgeous wives.
Be at peace in this regard.
Tim M.
|
Godsgirl211
Member
| Joined: | Thu Apr 22nd, 2010 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 62 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Apr 28th, 2010 09:52 pm |
|
TM2 wrote: Good. Because sexual addiction isn't about how attractive our partners are. I think my wife is remarkably beautiful (though she has trouble seeing this), and yet I spent 30 years with her as an active addict. I was addicted before we met; I was addicted for decades while we were together; had we split up, I would have been addicted after. She had nothing to do with it.
I think this is universal. Look at all the various celebrity sex addicts with gorgeous wives.
Be at peace in this regard.
Tim M.
Thank you....... and I am trying to wrap my head around this! I truly am...... I am very attractive ......... I know I am..... not to sound conceded......... but I "know" that I am. I had very high self esteem & confidence....... in my looks and / but most importantly in my inner spirit....... before meeting my husband. However my husband is attracted in his addiction to women of another race .......... THAT is what truly hurts me so deeply........... If it were simply that he was an addict, I think my self esteem would not have been so affected like it has been........ make sense? Its the fact that I will and can never look like these women even at my very best........ :-( Wah.... wah... sorry....... that kills me!!!!!!!!! I am not anything "close" to what he is attracted to......... It has been 8 years now........... I am growing so weary :-( I have also gained 50 pounds this past 8 years looking for comfort and simply not caring anymore & giving up......... Now I really do feel unattractive............. I might as well have a reason......... he doesnt really want me anyways in a physical sense (that is how the addiction makes a spouse feel) :-( Sorry to be such a whiner......... this is just so very difficult...... It is hard to not live by feelings when they are such a source of pain & and your entire life revolves around the relationship that you have with your spouse who is suppose to be growing as one with you in Christ. It sets one up for great disappointment in all aspects of life & living.
Thanks Tim............. your words will be reflected upon..........
____________________
Godsgirl
|
Wandering
Member
| Joined: | Thu Sep 1st, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 15 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Sep 9th, 2011 03:08 am |
|
Godsgirl211?
Are both you and your husband of the same race?
|
Godsgirl211
Member
| Joined: | Thu Apr 22nd, 2010 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 62 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Oct 4th, 2011 06:26 pm |
|
Yes, my husband and I are of the same race. BUT... the only kind of porn I
ever find him hiding is of women of another race.
That is what is so heart breaking for me. No matter what I could do or try
I can never look like these women. He is physically attracted to
African American women. My husband and I are both Caucasian.
____________________
Godsgirl
|
mike
Administrator
|
Posted: Wed Oct 5th, 2011 07:20 pm |
|
Hi Godsgirl -
Several questions.
Assuming your husband is a Christian, and knowing that the only Biblical use of sex is between
a man and his wife, does he acknowledge that his use of sex as a sedative is
illegitimate, or does he try to justify it?
Does he show any willingness or desire to want to turn his current warped use of sex upside down
and get help so that your marriage can heal?
From what you've shared, your husband is deeply wound up in himself, which is part of the
tragic outcome of sex addiction. For him, sex isn't about giving to you; he's using it as a drug.
Don't let him continue to treat you like that. Gently but firmly draw the line that he needs to get help
(if he is, this is great!) and set consequences if he doesn't.
I know this sounds hard, but your marriage is in a place where it's going to die if something doesn't change.
I wouldn't be surprised if the emotional connection between you and your husband has
suffered significant damage as well.
Sadly, many men don't wake up until their wife says "no more."
Praying for you...
|
Man
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1096 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Oct 5th, 2011 09:54 pm |
|
I am a person that feel I am always explained, laughed at (people find me so funny/ I feel there is quite much laughter around me), so I might need to be much more clear and maybe act more, so this might be very valid for me:
"Gently but firmly draw the line that he needs to get help
(if he is, this is great!) and set consequences if he doesn't.
"
I might get too much bowed down under "all" other people. It might be because I have some ocd, and I am already bowed and I might need to raise up first inside.
I might not put boundaries out of aggression, but out of love?
I might also need to put up consequences and that is action, I think. There might be no other way to solve the problem than show for myself? that I do it.
Action might mean that it is something, something real?
Although I write in questions, I don't want to be fixed or explained. You are welcome to write about yourself or maybe some questions that might build me up. Thanks
____________________
May the Lord bless you all!
|
Current time is 11:38 am | |
|
RSS