“So teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12
My wife and I celebrated our 37th anniversary last week by going away to the mountains for several days. We had a wonderful time. These investments of time with the spouse bring forth a treasure trove of blessings. Every marriage needs them to keep love fresh and alive.
Time is our most precious asset. In eternity we will be accountable for what we invested our time and resources in and how we treated others. From the husband’s side, “Love your wife as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25) is a heavy-duty command that demands I give Michelle my time and attention. I must confess that there have been stretches where I’ve failed big time at this over the years.
The parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30 shows the overwhelmingly generous rewards of those who invest their time wisely in that which counts for eternity during their short time on earth, and the horrific consequences for those who waste it. Then there is the story of the fool, as the Bible calls him, who chose to retire and spend his last years living in pleasure and entertainment (Luke 12:16-21) and how God ended him on the spot for daring to think of wasting his life that way.
We live in a culture that has made entertainment a god. Billions of dollars and thousands of hours are spent on pleasure. All the new articles and fuss about the half-time show at the Super Bowl are about an entertainment break inside of a gigantic entertainment event. We give way too much weight to and waste way too many hours and emotional energy on the pleasures of this world.
The top two ways we can invest our time are:
* Spending consistent, extended time with God by soaking in prayer, His word, and worship while resting in silence. Surrender and trust are woven in there too. (“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul”, Matthew 22:37). It’s impossible to say we love God with everything if we rarely spend time with Him, yet zone out for hours in front of a screen.
* For the married man or woman, spending time alone with each other, including hanging out, having coffee, getting away alone for a weekend, having fun, laughing together, praying together, and of course, sex, that wonderful, marriage-only union of body and soul.
Everything in life flows from these two relationships. If my marriage is sideways, so am I. If I’m distant from God, I’m vulnerable of letting my flesh sneak out of the box and doing life my way, which is a train wreck waiting to happen. When I’m walking with God, surrendered, doing life His way, listening to Him, watching for what He wants to teach me, and obeying, He opens doors I couldn’t pry open with a nuclear tipped crowbar and provides healing or blessings in unexpected ways. He also helps me to love in ways that I can’t on my own.
You can expect opposition from the enemy against these two primary relationships.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve asked a couple if they go on dates or take occasional weekend trips alone and gotten blank looks in return. Many Christian couples have dry or non-existent sex lives. Although healing of the heart is a part of their restoration, doing the simple things that brought them together and kindling the fire in their bedroom is important, even if the best they can do today is take baby steps in that direction.
You can’t tell me your spouse initially turned you on because of a Bible study.
Well, maybe if you read Song of Solomon together.
“While the king was on his couch,
my nard gave forth its fragrance.
My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
that lies between my breasts.
My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
in the vineyards of Engedi.”
Song of Solomon 1:12-14
And –
“Behold, you are beautiful, my love,
behold, you are beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
and not one among them has lost its young.
Your lips are like a scarlet thread,
and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
Your neck is like the tower of David,
built in rows of stone;
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle,
that graze among the lilies.
Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
I will go away to the mountain of myrrh
and the hill of frankincense.
You are altogether beautiful, my love;
there is no flaw in you.
Come with me from Lebanon, my bride;
come with me from Lebanon.
Depart from the peak of Amana,
from the peak of Senir and Hermon,
from the dens of lions,
from the mountains of leopards.
You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!
Your lips drip nectar, my bride;
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
A garden locked is my sister, my bride,
a spring locked, a fountain sealed.
Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates
with all choicest fruits,
henna with nard,
nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
with all trees of frankincense,
myrrh and aloes,
with all choice spices—
a garden fountain, a well of living water,
and flowing streams from Lebanon.”
Song of Solomon 4:1-15
That sounds a lot like the husband saying he wants to get into his wife’s garden, if you know what I mean. Read all of Song of Solomon and you’ll see that she’s into gardening with him too.
And there’s Proverbs 5:19:
“a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.”
All of this to say that sex in marriage is a great, God-sanctioned way of investing in time with your spouse.
I know, ssshhhhhh, we sophisticated modern Christians don’t go there, especially in church where everyone is comfortably seated in their bubbles. We don’t dare say “breasts” on Sunday morning. Unless we’re talking about a Super Bowl ad or half time show where they’re prancing around in their underwear, or those revealing shots of the cheerleaders.
Disclaimer on the picture of me and my wife above: Sometimes we look at a picture of a happy couple and think they got it all together and never have problems. Nuh-uh, don’t do that. Over the years my wife and I have struggled with messed up communication, conflict, saying the wrong things, and more. And, there was my adultery and porn problems we had to recover from. There were days when just showing up was hard.
The enemy certainly doesn’t want prayer-powered believers, walking with God and making an impact in the spiritual realm. Nor does he want strong marriages; when a husband and wife are firing on all thrusters they become a potent force. Better to keep them in front of a screen so they can fragment their brain and numb out emotionally. Who needs marijuana when we have smartphones and TVs?
My now grown kids attended a Christian school. Years ago, during a high school event, I watched as a husband and wife were seated next to each other. They appeared to be in their forties. For a long time, the husband’s eyes were glued to his smartphone, while his wife kept looking at his phone and then back up at his face. Her body language was screaming that she wanted him off his phone, but she said nothing. He didn’t acknowledge that she was there. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through her mind. His brain was more than likely comfortably numb.
By the way, on Super Bowl Sunday last week I didn’t watch the game. I was with my wife in the mountains, having a great time with her.
Which is more popular, ChatGPT or Porn?
OnlyFans, that 8 billion dollar a year do-it-yourself porn site, wins.
Except that, in many cases porn and AI are joining forces, in the case of AI porn and AI girlfriends and boyfriends.
The question is, how many Christians are in bondage to this? Are we openly talking about these issues in church and offering God’s people a way out?