Carmen leads our Wednesday night prayer meeting for wives. The following is her story.
It was the fall of 2012 and boy oh boy was I in trouble! My marriage as I knew it had just exploded, with the revelation of my husbands infidelity. I never thought in a million years this could ever happen to me. After all, my husband is a good man who honors God therefore he will honor our marriage, so I thought. My husband hid his adultery in plain sight, but I couldn’t see it because I trusted him completely. Our cell phones were usually out in the open. In fact, we often used each others cell phone at will. Little did I know this fact would lead to the uncovering of my husbands betrayal. A pleasantly warm and calm Sunday evening quickly turned cold and stormy as I stumbled upon pornographic images on my husbands cell phone. They were messages from the other woman luring my husband into having a tryst. What a cruel way to find out your husband is not who you think he is. The tsunami of painful emotions nearly wiped me out. What were we facing here? Separation? Divorce? The destruction of our family? In the midst of the overwhelming tidal wave that was threatening to destroy our marriage and family God’s mighty righteous right Hand steadied me. (Isaiah 41:10) I realized how much I needed God and only with HIS strength could I get through this heart wrenching season. (Philippians 4:13)
By the grace of God there was enough of HIS divine Word hidden in my heart, that for a split second I remembered scripture of forgiveness and restoration. (Acts 3:19) For a fleeting moment I caught a glimpse of my husband through God’s eyes, and what I saw was a lost soul who needed forgiveness and to restore his relationship with his Heavenly Father. My husband had not only betrayed me but he had offended God above all.
The days that followed were extremely difficult and gloomy. However, prayer was key to all the breakthroughs and victories we experienced on the road to marriage restoration. My husband destroyed his cell phone and severed every connection to the other woman. He didn’t harden his heart but instead surrendered and allowed the Lord to tenderize his heart and do a miracle in his life. As my husband’s guilt and shame left, the joy of the Lord returned to his life bringing mercy and forgiveness. I wish I could say it was smooth sailing from here on in for our marriage but I can’t because it wasn’t. I felt isolated and longed to connect with other woman who had or were going through what I was. Sadly, each time I searched the internet for a woman’s prayer group I found nothing. Roots of bitterness were slowly taking hold of my heart because I was battling with anger. The anger I felt was so painfully monstrous my body could not contain it. Unfortunately, many times that anger turned to rage which led to ugly outbursts on my part.
Ephesians 4:26-31 convicted me every time! These episodes of rage caused damage to our marriage restoration progress. Many times we lost ground and felt stuck. This rage made me physically, emotionally and spiritually sick. I needed a safe and positive outlet for when this anger threatened to turn into rage. Again, I searched for such a place on the internet and again I didn’t find one. As intense as the struggle with rage was the Lord never left me. HE strengthened me daily when I came with my own guilt and shame caused by the sinful rage. I learned to rely solely in God because HE is enough!
A year would pass before the Lord would lead me to Blazing Grace Ministries. I was searching the words “anger” and “rage” on the internet when I came across an article called “Are You Stuck In Anger?” by Mike Genung. Not only did the Lord use Mike’s article to minister to me, I also found an answer to a prayer! I found a safe and positive outlet to share my painful story with other women who politely listened, empathized completely and lovingly prayed with me. Little by little I moved forward and no longer felt so brokenhearted. It was on the BG Woman’s Prayer Calls that I saw myself for the first time walking on a healing road. Since 2013, its been a tremendous blessing to my life to be part of the BG Woman’s Prayer Call, first as a participant and now as a facilitator. I always say “anger and rage bought me to Blazing Grace Ministries but God’s peace and love keeps me here.”
James 5:13 says:
“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.”
I guess you can say, what started out as trouble for me has transformed into a song of praise! Please, join me on a prayer call sometime. Looking forward to praying for and with you.