”Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
Romans 8:26
For the moment, forget everything you know about prayer.
Let’s say you’re meeting with your best friend, perhaps for a meal or coffee. What would the flow of your conversation look like? Normally you’d begin with a greeting. You might hit a few topics of interest, then ask “How are you doing?” It’s your best friend, so they don’t hold back from sharing where they are. Maybe they’re going through a hard time and need to vent; you’re happy to listen because you love them and it’s a joy to be with them and get to know them. You ask questions. You love it when they share their heart with you. Perhaps you give them some input. Then they ask you how you’re doing. You share your heart; your struggles, discouragement, fears; maybe something you’re angry or frustrated about. You also share some major wins you had the last time you met, and the two of you rejoice together. As your time together draws to a close, both of you express appreciation for your friendship and you set a day and time for the next meeting.
A week later, the time of the next meeting is here. Perhaps one of you has something urgent they need to talk about. You would never think of adhering to a set structure of how your time together should be ordered. Each day is different, as are your moods and the challenges of life.
Now picture your best friend showing up with a checklist. After you’re seated, your best friend says “First, I’m going to greet you. Then, I will ask you how you’re doing. After you respond, I will listen, and then I’ll ask how you’re doing. After you tell me how you’re doing, I will listen and make comments. We will say goodbye and set the next day and time to meet.”
Wouldn’t you feel like your best friend was treating you like a project, or that they were checked out and didn’t really want to be there?
Why? Because love flows from the heart. When it comes to prayer there is no flow without love; it’s either a ritual or we’re faking it. What fool would ever tell God “I love you with all my head?”
Yet, I see Christians offering “5 points of prayer” and other such programs all the time. If you’re working from something like this, chuck it.
Like a stream of water, the flow of your prayer times with God will never be the same. You might begin with worship, thanksgiving, expressing your love to Him, resting in silence, listening, or jump right into an urgent matter that you need to bring before the throne room of grace, such as confession of sin. Some days the intensity meter of your prayers will peg the top. Others, you will take some time and settle into silence with Him.
There are times when I go to God with “I don’t know what to say but I know I want to be with You.” Then the Holy Spirit breaks open my heart and prayer gushes forth.
Getting to know God, listen to Him, and aligning ourselves and our will to His should be a primary focus going in. Intercession and petitions are important and He invites them, but they’re not the core of the relationship. Who wants to be around someone who only comes to you to ask for something?
We are coming to the Living God, the most powerful, terrifying, majestic, kind, loving, wise, understanding Being in the Universe. He designed the human body and reads the thoughts simultaneously of all 8 billion of the earth’s inhabitants. We dare not come to Him with less than absolute respect, as paupers who have been given a treasure trove of blessings, yet, as His children who He invites to come to Him. Prayer is dead when the flesh is on the throne.
Want a starting point? Ask Him “Lord how should we begin?” He will show you the way forward by breathing it into your spirit or bringing a verse to your mind. In time, as you get to know Him, you won’t need to ask. You’ll jump right into the flow anywhere, any time, and prayer will be as natural to you as breathing.
– The content above is a chapter from a book on prayer I’m writing.