The Eyes of Porn Addiction

 

This is a picture of me in 1997. The night before, I had gone on a porn binge.

Look at my eyes: I have a vacant stare, it’s as if nobody is home. There’s no life behind those eyes.

This picture shows the effects of porn addiction; it hollows out the soul until there’s nothing left; just a raw shell. There is no life, love, joy, or peace. The sick part is that “the answer” to resolving this misery is to do more porn, which perpetuates the downward cycle into discouragement and depression, more emptiness, then the cycle is repeated again.

The only way to live the Christian life while in bondage to lust is wear a mask; fake it. Put on that phony, Sunday smile at church… use verses to throw people off the scent, act like you’re humble, and oh, doing ministry always works, right? “Brother Paul, you sooooo ministered to me last night. You are such a great man of God.”

The next morning, Brother Paul goes on another binge.

I’ve done everything I mentioned above, and it’s a horrible place to be. At times I felt like I was miles away from God, and yet, He kept showing up and drawing me to Him, even in the midst of my biggest sin and failure. That’s grace.

With surveys showing that two thirds of Christian men and 30% of women are viewing porn, you and I are sitting next to a lot of people during church services who are faking it.

So what’s the first step to freedom from any sin?

From the pastor to the sheep, be real. Open up the ugly parts of your life to another believer, or group.  Pastors, some of your most powerful preaching may be when you share your own struggles with lust, pride, or other sins.

The risky part about being real is that you might get preached to, judged, or condemned if you share you story with the wrong person. I’ve been on the receiving end of treatment like this at the hands of believers, and it’s sends a powerful signal that the church is the wrong place to go for help. If God leads someone to you who needs help, the first rule to helping another person is to be quiet, and listen. Make them feel heard and cared for. Don’t preach, quote verses, or go off on a “me-monologue.”

God shines through the cracks; it’s okay to be broken.

6 responses to “The Eyes of Porn Addiction”

  1. I masturbate, l pray to God for forgiveness and he forgive me. de next day I repeat the samething again . now I dont want to pray again for forgiveness again because I haven’t change.

  2. I have become one of those wives who husband turned to porn. We have been married 25 years . Six years ago we stop having sex, I did not know he got a cell phone with internet. I found out when we were selling our house to buy our forever home.He left me his cell phone cause our house phone got shut off. I was not internet saivy , I started messing with the phone and clicked on porn. It has been a year and of half of hell for me. I was out of control , I was hospitalized for a mental brakedown , he been to individual and marriage counseling to no avail . I have spoke to lawyers about divorce on several times. It has been like a knife was in my back. I never disappointed , disrespected or cheated on my husband he was my world. I told him he was weak. I pondered revenge so he could know how it feels. I am talking to someone now, at our last counseling session I said we will be roommates and I don’t think he gets it he is in denial and thinks I’m going to forgive him but I can’t . I did everything a wife should do for the person she loved,and he betrayed me was selfish,and did not care that this would destroyed me.I will be damage for the rest of my life.

  3. Dear anonymous there is hope. I spent five years hooked on porn it almost destroyed my beautiful marriage. But god in his grace saved me 8 mths ago set me free through repentance, and deliverance. He’s a miracle working god the same can happen to you husband does he want to be set free. Iam happy to email him and help in any way I can.
    H
    This guy looked good info@stonegateoffice.com try there website

    God bless Don

  4. Hi Don. I love to hear about your story as another believer that has overcome a porn addiction. I have come through similar circumstances but I just turned 18. I am fully following God, I will not turn back. I was wondering about how this plays into marriage. Will nobody want to marry me ever because of the harm I have caused by indulging in the disgusting industry of porn? How does this work when applied to the bible verses about adultery? If I tell a future woman that I want to marry about this will she automatically be obliged to leave me? Is there any hope for a good relationship? Thanks for your input, and best of luck to you with your future.

  5. Hi Michael,
    Congratulations both of you, Michael and Don! I was hooked on porn since I was six years old and a sex addict ever since I can remember. I have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and clean for 14 1/2 years myself by repentance, forgiveness, constantly renewing my mind, accountability and ALL of this by God’s grace! Michael, there is hope for a good relationship as long as the relationship is God ordained and anointed. I have been married for 11 years to a wonderful and Godly man who has had his own struggles with porn. My point is no matter what you have been through, whoever you marry will have her own set of baggage and you will both have to take responsibility for your stuff and continue to work on it. My first thing I would tell you is not to date at all during your first one or two years of sobriety is what we call it (the date you stop using porn). For that time, hang out with Jesus and your group members and friends who do not do porn. Second keep your eyes focused straight ahead on Jesus not looking to the right or to the left, no matter how long it takes. When/If He has someone for you, He will bring her into your peripheral vision. That woman will continue into your vision until she lines up with Jesus and you see Jesus through her. God will make it known to you. Be patient. In the meantime, live out Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will. Third, He has been merciful to you. Now, become a living sacrifice. One of the best things for an addict to do is get involved in some kind of service. Get involved in church, a local CR, this ministry. Setting up, greeting, sound booth, cleaning bathrooms, or whatever they have for you to do. And last, but NOT in the very least! I just wanted it to be the last thing you read. GET IN THE WORD OF GOD DAILY!!!! That is the key to any good relationship on earth. It is to FIRST and foremost nurture the relationship with Jesus/God/Holy Spirit! How do you nurture a relationship? Spend time with that person!! The same is true with God!!!
    When you do, His love will flow through you, you will be healed from glory to glory and then you will be able to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Also, when you truly commit to spend time with Him daily, worship Him, plug into a community of believers who love Him, and love Him with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength, then you will make choices daily to obey Him. And like in John 8:32, “Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free!” The Truth is Jesus and by getting to know Him you will never turn back because with a taste of real freedom my friend and knowing Jesus, you will never want to feel that defiled again!!

    God bless you and Don! Don, I will be praying for you and your marriage! Michael, I will be praying for you!

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